Would you date someone who has seen escorts?

31 comments

1. What he did before you dated was a massive betrayal? Did you not know he’d had a sexual history before this or is it exclusively that they were ~~hookers~~ call girls?

2. 1) it was before you started dating

   2) they are all consenting adults, right?

   I don’t see the issue

3. How is this a massive betrayal? Did you ask about it then he lied about? Otherwise I don’t see how this is a betrayal.

   Sex work as been stigmatized for so long along with its customers. What wrong with buying a service that someone is seeking as long as the service you are buying isn’t at the cost of the sex worker.

   To me the fact that he stopped the instant he started dating you tells that this person was lonely and values your time and relationship therefore stopping right away.

   Are you sure this isn’t just a personal feeling you have against people buying sex? Because as you have said he has been a good guy to you so far.

   edit to add on: I would still date a person that has used sex workers as long as they were safe about it.

4. Maybe it’s just me, but he sounds like exactly the type you would expect it from. Also doesn’t really sound like a betrayal since it was before you met, but ultimately it’s up to you. Good luck w the decision

5. If you don’t want to date him that’s your prerogative but he hasn’t betrayed you in the slightest, get a grip.

6. Nothing your boyfriend did before you started dating is a massive betrayal, nor is he required to disclose it to you. If you don’t look down on and shame sex workers, you shouldn’t be doing so for respectful clients either.

   If you personally cannot handle his past, it is of course your prerogative to leave him over it. However, he has not done anything wrong here. Prostitution is the oldest profession in the world and very common. The only thing you should ask if you feel the need to is the same thing you’d ask any other boyfriend- “do you promise not to have sexual relations with anyone else while we are together?” That conversation and expectation isn’t any different whether he was hooking up with random women or paying professionals.

7. How is it a massive betrayal if he was doing this before you got together? Did he lie about it previously?

   I personally don’t see an issue with it as long as it isn’t affecting your relationship now. There is nothing wrong with supporting sex workers. People have a number of different reasons why they would want to, all of which can be valid.

8. My concern would be was a partner practicing safe sex. Have they been tested. Does they have the paperwork to prove it.

   In terms of betrayal, unless he’s been seeing them after you became exclusive I don’t see the problem.

   Would you feel differently if he had hookups and casual sex? Where’s the line for you?

9. As long as it was all consensual and they have a healthy attitude about sex and have recently tested negative for any STIs, I don’t see a reason why someone’s choice to hire a sex worker in the past would have any bearing on me dating them.

   If anything it might make me slightly *more* interested in them because I have dabbled in some forms of sex work in the past and only date people who are 100% cool with that.

10. >I’m having a really difficult time understanding why he would feel the need to pay for sex like that.

    Under the traditional “stoic, silent” model of masculinity, sexual connection is one of the only ways men are permitted to feel anything besides anger. Maybe he was lonely.

    >this is a massive betrayal.

    How? Why? I’m not asking to be sarcastic or rhetorical, I’m asking because the answers to these questions will help Reddit — and, more importantly, you — decide how to move forward.

11. So many things to unpack here.
    1. What’s wrong with sex workers? You’re basically talking down on other women in your choice of words. Sex work is real work and those women should be supported.

    2. He didn’t betray anyone- you weren’t together and he’s free to do whatever he wants, whenever he wants when you’re not together.

    3. As long as he’s not seeing any escorts now, who cares.

    4. We all have a past. If you can’t get over it, work massively on yourself before dating. Every man you date will most likely have had sex with many women, watch porn, consider an escort, etc.

12. A couple things

    1. He was a lonely guy, and you said this was his first relationship. You see, most guys just don’t have the option to get sex whenever they want. Unless he’s ultra attractive and well off, don’t think that if he wants sex he can just hop on a dating app or go to a bar and boom, he gets laid. It’s not that easy for most guys.

    2. He didn’t really betray you (emotionally) unless he directly lied about it or knew this was a problem for you and didn’t say anything.

    Unless he was your first, I’m sure you slept with other men. Does that mean you betrayed him?

    3. Get checked for STD’s, if he didn’t take a test and was clean before he got with you and didn’t tell you, then yes, I would consider that a betrayal.

    4. Look, if he’s as great as you say, then talk to him and share your feelings. You need to cool down and search within yourself if you can live with his past.

    Listen, we all have pasts, but that doesn’t erase the good times he’s had with you. But if this is really something you can’t let go of, the. It will only fester, and there’s no wrong reason to break up.

    Just make sure to have a deep look within yourself and a deep talk with him before making any decisions.

13. So if I dated a woman who slept with male escorts PRIOR TO US DATING, that’s a betrayal? That’s ridiculous! You don’t like it but he didn’t betray your trust because his sexual history prior to your relationship IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. Anymore than your history is his business. Furthermore you do realize you answered your question right? When you’re lonely and you seek sexual comfort, that’s one option some men take. So if this is your attitude, you clearly don’t understand.

14. He’s 27, he had a sex life before you just like you probably had a sex life before him. Is there really that much of a difference if he paid to have sex with them vs he went to bar and had drunken hookups? Do you trust him now? Does he treat your right? Is it a healthy relationship? If yes then what does the past matter?

15. How is it a betrayal if you weren’t together?

16. Yeah I’d see a problem with it IF he got some std/sti from it and gave it you you. Otherwise, why care?

17. Did he cheat on you? That’s a betrayal.

    Bc if he didn’t, this is NOT a massive betrayal and you need to reevaluate your thoughts. For Pete’s sake, pull your underwear out of your butt.

    You do not have to date someone who saw escorts. That’s your CHOICE.

    But do not shame him, especially since you said he’s a good person, over using a sex worker. It’s an overly stigmatized field. And it happened prior to you.

    It doesn’t change HOW he treats YOU. But you clearly seem to think differently about him which is sad. It’s sad that his past is dictating a possibly amazing future you two could have bc you’re judgmental.

    If you can’t get over your uptight views, break up with him. He doesn’t deserve shame or being falsely accused of betraying you bc he was lonely during the pandemic. Especially if he lived alone with no family, no friends.

    But if you can get over it, you two might have a great relationship that you didn’t miss out on bc you were too busy judging their PAST vs the future y’all could have.

    Oh and let’s hope you’re super perfect. Otherwise you don’t get to sit on a high horse, Bc I’m sure your past is sinful too.

18. It’s not a betrayal to you, but it does speak of his character. Much like someone who has a lot of one night stands, if he’s actually paying for sex then it shows you how he views sex with others… Just a means to get off, no affection/romance/investment needed. It’s a personal preference on how you view that and if your relationship is solid enough now.

19. This isn’t going to go the way you think it is. Not a betrayal. Older wiser you will eventually agree.

20. like many other commenters i agree that this is not a betrayal as it happened before you started dating and it sounds like he never lied about it.

    to answer your question, i would not date a man who had ever purchased sex. i have multiple reasons, but at the end of the day you can end a relationship at any time for any reason. if his past makes you uncomfortable, you should consider if you can look past it. personally i don’t think i would be able to look past it, but that’s up to you.

21. i’ll be honest with you, no, probably not. i hope he got tested for stds before you guys slept together! if not, get tested

22. My bf casually brought up once thats he’s been with a couple prostitutes. I didn’t think twice about it.

    Your bf didn’t “betray” you in any way shape or form. This is a you problem. You need to go inward and figure out why you’re having such strong feelings about this.

23. For me it’s an STD issue. Even if he was checked for chlamydia/gonorrhea/syphilis/HIV, that would mean he hasn’t been checked for HSV or HPV. Those are spread even when wearing condoms, so it is highly likely a sex worker would have them. You should not have been put in harm’s way without your knowledge.

24. Did you ever have casual sex with other guys before meeting him?
    Casual hookups for women is equally easy to achieve like pay sex for men.

    If you never had “casual sex” I understand your discomfort and honestly it would be a red flag for me, if you had “casual sex” you are just a bigot and should get over it.

25. Why is it a betrayal? He saw escorts before you two started dating. Unless you explicitly asked him if he had ever paid for sex before you got together, and he lied about it, how is it a betrayal? It’s ok for you to have the ick about his past behavior but he didn’t lie or break your trust – you weren’t together then. And if it bothers you so much, don’t “confront” him, just break up. You two just have different values and may not be compatible. No one’s the bad guy here.

26. No, a man who can consider an escort have totally different moral views.

27. Yes, if they provided proof of negative sti results and protected themself. Dating is very difficult especially for men in America. Men are figuratively crucified frequently for expressing even interest in a woman. Expressing interest is never done correctly here it seems and men are just flat out afraid or just say fuck it. Women often don’t initiate or approach men and can be shallow and just flat out mean. Men are afraid to approach women because of all the man hate going on today. I understand why a man would resort to escorts. He has consent and knows he won’t offend the escort. He paid a professional to remove the difficulty and probably gain some great experience you are likely benefiting from. If he was safe, he protected you too. Sex workers often provide proof of sti testing and safety. He stopped as soon as he met you. There was no betrayal whatsoever. Sex work is a legitimate profession, legal in places, and is between consenting adults. You should not be mad about this. Did you expect him to be a virgin? Were you a virgin? Escort doesn’t mean diseased pervert. Don’t treat him like one. You should be glad he told you about this. If he hid it from you, this is exactly why. He was lonely or horny and felt he needed it. Sex and intimacy is a basic human need. Can’t you at least imagine how that would feel?

28. Are u a virgin? Well he considers every Man U have been with cheating and betrayal.

    He needed to pay for sex like that because men don’t have access to sex like women do.

29. Its not a betrayal because you were not together so he didn’t cross any limites.
    However its not about that. For me sex work should be abolished because I feel like in a lot of cases (women especially) see themselves forced to opt for this type of job in order to get money. Due to difficult situation and not being offered a regular job.
    The question you should ask yourself is, does he have the same values as me? How do I feel about “sex work consumption” myself?
    And if you don’t agree, the. Is it a deal breaker for you?
    Its your personal choice

30. hell no!! makes me shudder to even think about it. to me it shows there is a huge gap in our values… multiple times too??

31. How the hell could he have betrayed you retroactively???