So for a while now I (18f) have felt like I have been struggling socially. I would usually class myself as a social butterfly because when I think back to my past I’ve always been good in social situations, would make friends with almost anyone and I was always told as a kid that I spoke way too much. But the past two or so years I’ve started thinking way too much about what to say to people that it’s completely drowned out any sort of response or conversation starters that would normally pop up in my head. I’m not sure if it’s a subconscious thing where I think way too hard on what to say in which causes my head to become clouded and causes me to have nothing to say or if I genuinely just have nothing to talk about. I barley talk to anyone at work either and it absolutely sucks. I would love to have some amazing conversations with people at work but I’m so blank minded!! I’ve found it’s become worse since I’ve been in a relationship for 7 months. I even struggle to socialise with him now!! What do I do? Does using social media frequently have a negative impact on social skills?
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People downplay the value of small talk. Just start with small observations about the weather or anything around you. This is safe conversational area, and if the other person is feeling chatty they will pick up the cue and chat with you about the weather or the new shop being built or the fact that you’re excited about the weekend.
After small talk, well, there are two paths to continuing the conversation – be an interested person or an interesting person.
To be an interested person, get really good at asking follow up questions. Once someone else starts telling an anecdote you can ask open-ended questions to keep them going: “Why do you think … ” “How did you react when that happened… ” “What was the hardest/scariest/funniest part?” You can also ask your coworkers silly questions like “What is the wost type of donut?” and get them to start having a silly debate.
To be an interesting person, you have to do things. Social media, in moderate amounts, is not bad. But you also need to read actual books or articles, go to the movies, occasionally attend community events, work on a personal project, volunteer… something. Basically have something to say when someone asks “Did you do anything fun this weekend?”