I joined a rec sports group. I’ve always been very athletic and played a lot of sports growing up. I received a ton of compliments during our drafting. Sometimes I don’t know how to respond. Some of the praise seems manipulative from abusive people that I’ve noticed (drama from last year). I come off as passive because I try to be humble, not manipulative, I try to stay away from toxic behaviour. However, I’m not going to pretend to suck so people can feel better about themselves.

What’s the best way to deal with this?

13 comments
  1. It can be challenging to navigate receiving compliments while also trying to remain humble and not come off as manipulative. One way to respond to someone saying “stop showing off” is to acknowledge their comment and then redirect the conversation to focus on the positive aspects of the group activity.

    For example, you could say something like, “I appreciate your feedback, but I’m just trying to be a good team player and contribute to our success. Speaking of which, how can we work together as a team to improve in the next game?”

    By redirecting the conversation in this way, you are focusing on the collective effort and success of the group rather than individual accomplishments. It also shows that you are open to constructive criticism and willing to work together towards a common goal.

  2. I’d take it as a joke because that would piss them off even more,”Oh I’ll try not to next time” with a laugh and a smile is just enough.Sometimes you just gotta roll with it,you make the sacrifices,put in the time and effort,and enjoy what you do so own it right in their faces sometimes.

  3. Treat all comments as innocuous, even if you know they’re not. They want a reaction out of you, they want you to paint yourself as the asshole by goading you into a response. They want you to feel like you have to defend yourself. Respond confidently but not seriously. “Cant help it, I’m just that good” with a big smile. If they press further keep that same energy. They’ll either drop it realizing they aren’t getting under your skin, or they’ll push it and end up looking like assholes even more than they already do.

  4. Why the hell would you want to stay humble here..? “Whoops, wait, was that too good? I really thought I was taking it easy this time :/” “whoops, sorry, honestly I wasn’t even trying” “hey look, I’m really trying to lower the bar for you but I don’t know, i just can’t seem to be able to, it’s kind of almost basic level dude, and we are supposed to be better than basic anyways”

  5. I’d say, “you think this is showing off? I’m taking it easy on you”! But I’m spicy soooo

  6. Good for you. NEVER dumb down or make yourself small in order to placate insecure people. It’s not your fault that you’re naturally gifted. And the fact that you’re modest makes them even more upset because they would LOVE to call you smug and arrogant. I say continue being great at what you do. Haters are gonna hate.

  7. I say, “thanks, I really love this (activity) and I can’t get enough of it!”

    It lets them know you are doing it for fun, and (indirectly) that you spend a lot of time doing it (which they hopefully will use to resolve in their own mind why you might be better at it than a regular Joe or Josephine).

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