I [F29] found an explicit video of my husbands [M34] coworker on his phone

24 comments

1. Let’s give him the benefit of the doubt and say this ken is sleeping with Fran, this is still a huge issue. Why is Ken sending your husband videos of other women naked? Firstly, it’s a HUGE betrayal to Fran and frankly would be fucked up. Secondly, I’m sure Ken knows your husband is married and he’s betraying you.

   There’s no way that Ken would just randomly send this video from your husband without some prior context or conversation. Either Fran sent it to him, or Ken told him about it and he wanted to see it.

2. Smells like bullshit to me… Don’t let this go, dig deeper and ask more questions. Your husband is not looking so good in this situation.

3. >My husband claims that he deleted Ken’s message but the video was still saved to his camera roll but he deleted it.

   Did he delete the whole convo? As in, pressed on Ken’s name and deleted the whole thing? If so, any pictures in there would also be deleted.

   >Husband says that Ken & Fran are sleeping together. I messaged Fran and she denied this, saying she must have sent the video to Ken by accident and she is mortified that it got shared.

   So, according to her there is no relationship between her and Ken. If she really had sent it to him as an accident and he shared it around, wouldn’t she be angry as well as mortified? Think about it, accidents happen, but only a creep shares something like that, be it meant for him or not. Worse so when it wasn’t meant for him. If it were you how would you have acted to your pictures being shared?

   >I tried to replicate the deleting of a shared photo from my camera roll and it didn’t show up in my deleted pictures so *pretty sure he saved the video after reviving it.*

   How do you feel about that?

   >Not sure if he actually got it from Ken or directly from Fran but honestly regardless of how he got it he clearly watched it which, gross.

   >Was it really sent via Ken or is my husband cheating on me with Fran?

   You need to do more digging to find out. Neither of them wil tell you the truth. Ken might be a creep, or he might know there’s something going on between them and might cover for them or he might be innocent and not have a clue about any of this

   You could go nuclear by getting in touch with their company HR or boss and tell them Kev did this according to what he and Fran said and what you found in your husband’s phone. That is one way for the truth to come out. If Kev is a creep the company should know. If he is innocent and hasn’t a clue what they’re talking about, they are cheating and everyone at work will know they tried to use an innocent person to cover up their cheating. If he does know, I doubt he will cover for them when it’s his job and reputation on the line.

   There is also the risk of this all being innocent (doesn’t explain why your husband has it and why he watched it) and if you go nuclear it could jeopardise his work.

   There is also something else you have to think about. I know if my bf got sent a video like that
   1) He would tell me.

   2) He wouldn’t watch it.

   4) If sent by a ‘friend’ he would tell that friend not to send him that kind of stuff. If it’s videos or pictures of someone he knows he will be PISSED, and would forward it to the person to let her know her videos/pictures are being sent around. He would then make a formal complaint at work in case he has done this before or would do it again.

   I would react similar, how would you react? How should your bf have reacted?

   Anyone reading this, how would you react if you were in OP’s husband’s shoes?

4. Why not message Fran again and ask if she is sleeping with your husband?

5. Can you ask her if she is sleeping with Ken? Or ask Ken if he shared the video with your husband? You can restore deleted messages on an IPhone.

6. The only time I’ve known something similar to this happen is when it is sent via WhatsApp. If someone sends me a picture or video, it automatically downloads to my phones storage and ends up in my gallery. Even if I delete the messages, the attachments are still on my phone and have to be deleted separately

7. You overplayed your hand by reaching out to Fran off the get. There is a good chance shes banging your husband and you blew your cover. Best of luck.

8. I would pretend I’m over it and act regular but behind the scenes I would be a private investigator.

9. So first, deleting one of your own photos from your camera roll is not the same.
   To fully test it you need to delete a photo/video that has been sent to you. So do that before you go any further. Also if you have android and your husband an iPhone (or the other way around) your test isn’t going to work, you need the same operating system on the phone.

   The mismatch between what your husband and Fran are saying is disturbing, as either you are right, and there is something going on, or Fran is right and Ken is sharing a video that he should not have received.

   So ask to see the conversation between Ken and your husband, that at least should show you where the video came from.

   Then you work from there.

10. Pictures sent in a group chat get saved to my phone automatically. I have an iPhone 12. It’s possible the pics were sent in a group chat and your husband didn’t download them.

    Still a shitty group chat to be involved in….

11. I personally would try to get more info from the video. Try clicking on the video’s info icon. It will tell you the date the video was “taken” and what application (text, WhatsApp, etc) it came from, and possibly the phone type. Then go into that app and see if you can recover the conversation between either your husband and Ken or your husband and Fran.

    No matter what the scenario, the fact that your husband opened the video and then watched it is concerning.

12. Tell him to ring Ken infront of you on speaker, and say remember that video you sent me of Fran and see if he says yeah, or I have no idea what your talking about,

    If he doesn’t know what he talking about then you ha e your answer he banging fran.

    If he says yeah then 🤷🏻‍♀️

    But even though you messaged her she wouldn’t out right say yeah I’m banging your husband.

    I’d 100% be suspicious if I was you.

    Or maybe call his bluff and say I’ve contacted the phone company and they are sending me a copy of who sent you videos and texts, for my own peice of mind so I can see who sent it for myself, so are you sticking to Ken sent it??

    Because if it comes back its not from Ken there will be no moving past this.

13. INFO- 1. when you messaged Fran, word for word what was her response? If she was only ‘mortified’ and denied sleeping with your husband then that’s a red flag to me, as I think 95% would be really horrified, disgusted and outraged that someone had that saved on their phone that they did not send it to (a real WHAT THE F moment).

    2. Also… did you speak to Ken?

    3. Does your husband use apps to speak to people (facebook, watsapp etc….?) or texts. If it’s texts you can ask to see the phone records to see how often he is texting Fran’s number. However it will likely be watsapp. Watsapp does save pictures / videos automatically to your phone unless you turn the settings off. But I’m guessing Fran sent this to your husband on purpose whilst they were sexting.

    4. Lastly have you met Fran… is she technically a friend of your husband’s? Why do they not have message history?

14. As a man I know dudes from my work history that would send nudes or videos of their girlfriends or wives to coworker friends and shit and it always weirded me out as to why men would openly share such photos or videos of their significant other their friends

    EDIT: I’d like to add that if he uses Whatsapp at work pictures and videos automatically save to your phones library even if you deleted the messages off your phone just thought I’d add that bit of information

15. She denied it is the interesting part because she said “she must have accidentally sent it to Ken” but how would she not know??

16. If it’s an iPhone there’s a setting that auto saves all media from messages, so he might not be lying about that part.

17. He’s lying.

18. Look at your husband call/text history on his account. Is he texting Fran or Ken?

19. If it’s an iPhone go to the edit button where all the text messages are, then go to recently deleted messages
    BOOM ALL RECENTLY DELETED TEXT MESSAGES UNLESS HE ALREADY CLEANED THAT OUT TOO IF HE EVEN KNOWS ABOUT IT

    Edit: it only keeps them for 30 days

20. Big hugs OP 🫂 the next bit is where thing get hard. Take care of yourself out there💔

21. Go to Surviving infidelity.com. It helped me with a cheating wife. It can give you clues to detect cheating

22. After seeing the update: get a lawyer. Yeah, you can try to work it out. But the only thing he’s sad about is that he got caught. If he had deleted it properly, you’d never know and he’d keep having affair.

23. Your STBX is a piece of garbage. Cheating is already low, but lying? And his AP also lying? Honey, they deserve each other. You have a kid, you’re young, I promise you’ll get out of this better than ever in a year or so.

    It will suck for a looooong time, but right now you know you need to prioritize your child. I don’t know your financials, but I suggest you first of all hire a lawyer, then try to move away from him asap. Some distance will do you good. I’d be petty and go scorched earth on his ass, but you do what you have to. Regardless of public humiliation, please confide in someone that you know will have your back. Some therapy will be good, too.

    I’m sorry this happened to you. Good luck.

24. Sorry about everything, really. You should get the divorce paperwork written up, it’s time.