My girlfriend had a talk with me (NB) a few days ago and said that she worries about how we spend our alone time. We don’t live together and have busy lives so whenever we do have time alone, we are usually being sexually intimate. She told me that the ratio of our time spent alone to being intimate was concerning to her and it didn’t align with her values. We are both consenting to everything that happens and shs often tells me how much she enjoyed whatever happened, which I reciprocate. She has mentioned before that she has thought about possibly being demi or even ace, though not sex repulsed, but has said that at the moment it doesn’t particularly matter what label she gives herself. I worry that she has sex-negative thoughts and I’m not sure how to get her to see it from a different perspective. Basically, has anyone had an experience like this and do they have any advice?
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>We don’t live together and have busy lives so whenever we do have time alone, we are usually being sexually intimate.
I am very sex positive but this would bother me too. She has other needs besides sexual ones, and it sounds like you aren’t meeting them right now. How about a deep conversation? How about going out on a fun date? How about learning a new hobby together? Sex is great but if it’s the majority of your relationship, that can get very frustrating and alienating.
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I could be wrong but I don’t see sex negativity in her comments. Like, I don’t see that anywhere in what you shared.
But it does sound like what she’s saying is that she doesn’t value sexual intimacy as high as you might and it sounds like she’s trying to set up a convo about mutual expectations that both of you should have.
From the sound of it, she senses that the two of may be on different pages (and it sounds like you very well may be).
You are NB – what makes you think she is in to that? She might be – but the math says it – like NB – is really rare.