So my team captain screamed at me in front of everyone.. I did not flinch and continued to be on my phone. I detached and ignored her as if she didn’t even scream….and there was this awkward silence she had to deal with.. then after making her uncomfortable, I said I’m busy. And she was huffing and puffing. I continued to be on my phone for 30 more seconds. Everyone got awkward.. then I put it away and listened.
I did not want to react emotionally so I just did this instead.
Was this setting a boundary? How should I have reacted next time?
Context: She is toxic and belittles and insults me passive aggressively. She even said once (I overheard her talking to someone) that she riles people up for fun and dominates and shoots them down when she sees them getting angry.
So I had started ignoring her prior to this and she blew up.
4 comments
A boundary is actually stated. So you didn’t handle it wrong, necessarily, but you didn’t set a boundary.
A boundary would look like saying something like, “I’m not going to tolerate being screamed at. Talk to me when you can be polite.”
Then, removing yourself by walking away, or ignoring her until she calmed down.
Yeah, that’s not setting a boundary. I’m not really clear on why your captain was screaming at you… were you supposed to be on your phone at that time? Maybe that was being rude in the context.
I agree with the other comment a boundary would be “Do not scream at me. I’m not going to talk to you until you stop screaming.”
You didn’t give context on why your team captain was yelling at you in the first place so it’s hard to say where the boundary is.
If she is your boss, you are acting like a child. You still need to submit to their authority as they are still your boss. If you don’t like it you can quit, or report their abuse to HR or something analagous. You still have a job to do and being insubordinate affects everyone. You signed up for the job so do the job.
You can pull her aside and tell her that her behavior is inappropriate and that you expect to be treated with respect. If she responds negatively, you can always offer to find a mediator so you two can talk it out to resolve it. What she said to that other person could have been a joke that you misinterpreted. I wouldn’t pay it any mind.