I’ve noticed something about myself. I’ve got communication issues whenever I’m around people or friends I’m not that close to, and I barely have anything to say, such that they do most of the talking. In order not to seem boring, I force myself to say things that might end up sounding silly, such as saying too much details about myself (depending on the context of the conversation).
Also, whenever I don’t have anything to contribute in the conversation, I just respond with the usual dry “oh really. Wow. That’s cool, etc” comments. How do I overcome this? How do I seem more interesting? Or does it not matter?
PS: this always happens whenever I meet new people too.
2 comments
Forcing it doesn’t work forever. Fake it til you make it runs out.
Honestly, a lot of what you describe is less to do with being social, and more to do with self-evalution.
Have people said they’d like you to talk more? Why do you want to talk more?
As far as being “interesting” that’s a very nebulous concept. One conversation of interest I had was on the finer points of O Chem regarding yeast respiration cycles. Another conversation of interest was the finer points of how well they are adapting The Last of Us. Another conversation of interest I had with my friend’s toddler: she wanted to show me her Lego collection and had a lot to say about things, though not much of it was words.
If you want to talk about something not being discussed, try bringing it up. The internet has all but ruined the concept of public discussion and discourse. Yeah, you can find all the answers online, which means everyone already knows them and doesn’t need to even be speaking. There’s no reason for discourse. So make it happen.
“Seeming more interesting.” Do you want to be more interesting, or is that a stopgap to try and figure out socializing? Are you interested in leading a fuller life, or simply having the veneer of satisfaction?
Hobbies are a good in road. In many hobbies the seasoned practitioners had advice for the new folks, and the new folks have questions for the old-timers. That would be a social situation in which you have much more control than you think, because the intent there is to listen and adapt to that social model.
As more information is accrued, then you start to digest it in your mind and draw new conclusions. Maybe having a higher oxygenation will increase yeast respiration. Having watched multiple adaptations of the game and played all of tlou and watched the show, I can draw conclusions about how they inferred the plot in the live action using clues from the game. Having played with Legos, I can share what little builds I would like with my friend’s toddler, though I’m not sure how well I’m being understood.
Re: conversation filler words – that’s pretty normal. What matters is whether you check out when using them. Are you affirming the dialogue because it’s interesting, or because you think you have to? Think about call and response story telling or cheering. Interactivity at a light level is somewhat expected of most people as it reflects attentiveness.
Maybe try finding things in common with others and talking about that or try to have more conversations with people who you already know share a common interest. Also, remind yourself that it’s ok to make mistakes and be a little awkward. For whatever reason, it helps me be less shy to just tell myself, “Ok, I feel shy and that’s alright. If it’s overwhelming, I can make an excuse and leave. No one’s holding me here. If I don’t say that much, it’s not the end of the world. I’ll just do my best and see how things go.” Then I can actually relax.