(posting for a friend who doesn’t use Reddit)
I have been seeing this man for 1.5 months; I’ve asked him more than once if he’s ever been married. He said unequivocally NO. this weekend his buddy mentioned the man’s “ex-wife.” when i asked him about this, he said he was surprised I didn’t ask him right away (I waited a day while I processed…I didn’t want to immediately go on the attack or ruin the evening). I asked him why he told me he was never married before. He said that his ex-wife cheated on him and it was a very dark time in his life and he considered un-aliving himself and he lost a lot to her in the divorce and it wasn’t something he liked to think about or talk about. he also mentioned that, had I not found out inadvertently, he was NEVER planning to tell me. he would never ever have told me he was married in the past. then he said that if I wanted to never talk to him again, he’d understand.
i’m very upset by this turn of events because things were going so well. I really was enjoying my time with him and I thought this could be the one…now everything has been turned upside down
I am particularly upset by the fact that he said he was NEVER planning to tell me about his prior marriage and would have been fine letting me think he was never married before. I could understand that it was a bad time for him but he could have still told me he was married before without giving me the details. but the fact that he wanted to say he was never even married at all. that is a straight up lie.
what should i do. does this mean he was never planning to get serious about me?
4 comments
Liars go bye-bye.
Think of it this way
1. If he was gonna get serious with you, he was willing to hide and lie about a huge part of his past from you.
2. He was never gonna be serious with you. Therefore, he didn’t feel the need to share anything.
1. He’s now a known liar. If a person asked if he’s ever been married then the best thing he could have done is been honest, upfront, and just said yes. If you then had other questions just to resolve any red flags you might have had, then he just needed to explain and answer either one.
2. It’s good that you proceeded it before running to him, most people don’t think and try to understand something before running and confronting a person. In most cases doing so can just make things worse than they really are.
3. At least it was only 1.5 months wasted. He said he would have never told you about it. Meaning years from now he would have been keeping this secret from you. Not a good start at all. You have to ask yourself do you still trust him or is there other things that he’s hiding?
Maybe he was, maybe he wasn’t. His intent doesn’t matter, he’s dishonest and unstable.