Hello guys, 30m with SAD, introverted, and extremely shy. I want to learn how to make new friends and be a likable person. My main issues is I’m not funny, I’m too nice (what I mean is I don’t start arguments, I avoid confrontation, I’m a people pleaser, I let people walk over me, and I hate being an asshole and mean). I do all this because I feel it will make other people like me more but I feel it doesn’t work and I also feel it makes people not respect me and I want to learn how to be more likable and be more respected.
1 comment
You need to first of all stop being so conceited and arrogant. Every arrogant and conceited guy in the world thinks of himself as “nice”, and I get that you’re 100% in denial, but those who are toxic often are in denial. Though they can’t deny the end result: they are friendless.
Now, to be clear what I mean: how dare you decide for me what you think I will like and respect! That’s the worst kind of toxicity, as it shields itself in a pretense that it’s for other people. For example if you want to call or text me, and then you don’t because I’ll probably say ‘no,’ you’ve just decided for me what I’ll do. You’ve stripped me of my agency and all that I’m left with outrage at having the right to say yes or no taken away from me.
So, if you want to be likeable, stop being so arrogant that you can assume you’re a telepath!
Stop judging everyone as potentially hostile or dangerous first. No one likes that.
Don’t decide for me if I’ll like the false facade of a meek people pleaser when you’re actually a guy who loves having time on his hands and loves having the freedom to do what he wants when he wants without having to cater to the whims of friends. Be more honest about the love of power and control that you have: everyone can see it anyway, as your body language gives everything away anyway, and maybe then you’ll be more likeable.
I won’t even address all the disrespectful things you are apparently doing to other people, but they go hand-in-hand with what I’ve said above. I assure you that you don’t come across as meek and shy, you come across as cold and aloof, and more concerned with playing it safe and shielding your heart than you are with other people. Stop being so selfish and try to be a bit more authentically altruistic in a way that’s inconceivable to you yourself right now!
And then you’ll be respected and likeable!