She hasn’t even reached her destination and I’m already experiencing intense anxiety episodes.
Long story short she’s travelling back to our home country 15000km away for 2 months to visit family and friends. We haven’t visited it for over 4 years so I can’t blame her for wanting to see her loved ones. Specially so considering how proud I am of her managing to quickly adapt to and thrive in our new country (to which I already had a deeper connection).
Unfortunately, I can’t help but feel extremely sad due to her absence. I’m talking stomach pain, heavy anxiety and overall I’ll-being. We live in a small, albeit capital city to where we recently moved in, so truth is I have no real friends here. Part of the family is still somewhat close by (3-4h drive) but, still…
I see a lot of similar situations here, specially from military personnel or their partners. How do people with similar situations get by in the beginning? I often read that it’ll go fast near the end, but how to deal with now when I can hardly sleep or eat?
It’s so heartbreaking coming home and not having her here. Nothing to look forward to and no company.
How can one deal with anxiety originating from this situation? Should I genuinely consider perhaps consulting some professional help? I know it sounds unhealthy, but in general we’re in a very good place in life, happy, and nearing our 10th anniversary together. Hence, I have never really considered seeking that route.
Looking forward to hearing other people’s experience. I deeply appreciate random options.
To be clear, not at all worried about infidelity or anything of the sort. The biggest concern is security given the situation back “home”.
9 comments
Find something to take up your time- join a gym, start couch to 5k, grow a garden- something that will keep you busy and help relax you
If you think you need a professional help then you need professional help. You have high anxiety from either a bad past or your relationship isnt secure. These things you can explore with your therapist of where the root cause of your issues stim from and how to address the current events.
Best thing to do is to focus on yourself in times like these and try to become a more attractive partner for their return. Do things that you like to do that your partner doesn’t.
It will be okay OP
Do something fun that you haven’t had the chance to do. Watch some series on Netflix. Catch up on some movies. Do some hobbies that you haven’t had time to do. Etc.
You need to address your insecurity and anxiety with a therapist. They’re likely to recommend hobbies and things to keep you busy. Good luck!
Military spouse here, I deal with my husband being gone a lot for training/deployments. One thing that helps is keeping busy, I get a puzzle, or books, start baking or cooking meals that require a lot of effort and time; something that’ll take up a lot of time and you have to focus on it and it’s good for you! The gym works too for some people but I notice too much time for free thinking for me.
I would definitely try talking to a professional since your anxieties are so extreme that you’re having so much trouble. One thing that helps me is focusing on what’s causing the anxiety- are you worried about cheating, worried about either one of you getting hurt? Try out rationalizing why it’s unlikely your anxieties will come to play in the real world.
Normally, as a military spouse, I always advise stay busy. Binge some TV, read books, get home and turn some music up. Find a project to work on, work out, learn a new skill. But, you emotions seem pretty extreme, and maybe a therapist is in oder to help you deal?
Can you do video calls with her? Or even voice calls. Maybe set it up to at least have one call every day or night, depending on the time difference.
Shortly after I met my (now) wife, I moved 1000 miles away. The nightly phone calls kept us sane.
The acute symptoms might be unbearable at the start, as everything is hitting you all at once. However, if the physical symptoms continue, you might want to see your physician.
Thank you all for the replies. Woke up feeling a bit better and I convinced myself to see her absence time in days as opposed to months, as 59 days seems like far less time than 2 months. The cat has been helping too.
Reading from military personnel and their partners makes me think we have it easy. I can’t imagine the feeling of often going months without each other, especially added the potential danger of violence, which to be fair is somewhat present in my situation as our “home country” is a pretty wild and savage place albeit it a marvellous top 5 tourist spot.
Find stuff to do. My husband got back today after only being gone a week and I went through that same feeling of upset stomach, antsy nervousness. Going places helped. Doing things with people and talking on the phone with friends and family was probably the easiest and best thing.
Schedule your times to talk to each other and you’ll be fine. Once you adjust, you’ll be fine. I was worried that my husband would have trouble getting back,
but he had no issues so I get it. I totally get it.