I’m 21 M and I met this girl off of bumble of all places. First few days it was chill and then we started making sex jokes, and then she told me to stop, so I stopped…
And then two days later she got super horny and started telling me about how she wants to fuck me. I went nuts and we sexted quite a bit. While we were sexting though, she kept telling me she wanted me to creampie her because she’s on birth control.
I went along with it until literally a few minutes ago, when she started talking dirty and about our plans for Thursday to do it in my car. I clarified that I would be more comfortable with a condom.
She told me I was lame. I started explaining that I just would prefer to be safe since I know she’s been around a lot but that maybe we could when we get to know each other better. (She had previously sent me pics of her with 3 different dudes having sex, although she said the last time was about a month ago) I think I worded it badly, but I wasn’t mean about it I don’ think. She told me that I was basically calling her a whore and that she’s good and doesn’t want to have sex anymore.
Not only was I uncomfortable with not using a condom, I also didn’t really want to do it in my car. (That was our only option, long story.)
Other reasons I didn’t want to do it without a condom:
-I’m not experienced at all. I’ve only done it once and I had a hard time getting up the first time.
-My dad was trapped into getting a girl pregnant because she lied to him, and that story always gives me anxiety
-I am just afraid of the birth control failing in general…
I just feel so anxious and sad right now because I was/am really insanely horny and she was extremely hot… I guess I just want validation for my decision, which I believe was the right one…. right?
27 comments
You dodged a bullet. Good job.
You’re absolutely valid for wanting to use a condom and sticking to your boundaries, but you def could’ve done so without slut shaming her
If her rhetoric was not infused with a lot of talk about testing and STI status then you definitely dodged a bullet.
Never feel bad about being turned down because you wanted to use protection and be safe. There’s nothing to gain from throwing caution to the wind when it comes to sex bro so it’s her loss more than yours tbh
>I started explaining that I just would prefer to be safe since I know she’s been around a lot
lol classy bro.
Someone had said you dodged a bullet, and they’re absolutely right. As a woman, I’m letting you know now she was off. Yes sex does feel better without. But I definitely wouldn’t risk pregnancy or stds, especially being with someone you hardly know. Yes, it may suck, but a better option will come along. Everything happens for a reason, and yes, your feelings are valid!
It seems like this could have ended badly for you.
Don’t feel bad about that at all. You saved yourself!
Dodged a bullet. That girl is crazy and you don’t need to risk breeding with crazy
You did the right thing but you need better delivery next time
if she didn’t want to use it with you chances are the same has been true for her with previous partner(s). wether that’s 1 or 1000 doesn’t really matter, there would be a risk there nontheless. regardless of number, condom-refusers are always a risk lol. besides, you shouldn’t have sex with someone who won’t respect your boundaries. if you feel unsure compare the worst case scenarios to what you would’ve “missed out” on as a trade-off. like what if you got HIV or like you mentioned with your dad, what if she got pregnant and kept it? just for the sake of sex with a girl who doesn’t respect your boundaries? definitely the right call. other girls will come along who will appreciate you for putting safety first!
Yeah, it’s totally fine for you to want to use a condom, if she ditches you because if it, you don’t need her, my dude. Honestly if a guy tries to have sex with me and doesn’t even try for a condom, that’s a no from me, dog. Cause that means they out here raw dogging everyone and STDs are SO common, don’t wanna risk your health or future sex endeavors over one little hussy.
Wear a condom. Don’t second guess it. There will always be more sex.
I don’t want to help you beat yourself up here, but I have a difference in opinion than most of comments so far…
I absolutely think that you should do whatever makes you comfortable when actually engaging physically. But while sexting, you’re only dealing in fantasy and there’s not many reasons to break fantasy. I think people are much more ready to talk and sext about things they wouldn’t actually be comfortable doing with anyone but a partner aka not on the first couple hook-ups. Once hooking up, working up to fantasies/being cool with not exploring that fantasies despite what any sext might say can actually be pretty common.
If it’s any consolation, it’s entirely possible she was enjoying how sexual it was getting but was also nervous with how sexual the conversation had turned. Of course she could easily be as sexual as she represented, but I think it’s actually equally if not more likely she was looking for any excuse to stop chatting/not meet up/etc
But of course, I’m going of what you shared and extrapolating. Trust your gut more than my words on whether or not she was legit expecting you to creampie her your first time hooking up.
She is probably not on birth control
Smart guy.. not worth the risk
Bro this is like watching a horror movie and you’re screaming , “DONT DO IT! DONT GO IN THERE!”
Absolutely the same way for someone that insists on not using a condom during their first time. Holy shit.
You can NEVER run fast enough.
Its. Never. Worth. It.
I also kind of personally DONT understand the cream pie kink for people doing hookups. A consistent person I understand….a hook up….um, wtf? You people LIKE risking stds?
No shame, cause I’ve been dmd by those types of girls but generally never go for it. I think that’s kinda nasty/risky af.
You dodged a LANDMINE and a bill for a doctor bro.
You worded it poorly.
You still are prioritizing responsibility. That’s a good thing. There are plenty of responsible people who have sex. They also don’t have regrets or children at too young of an age.
Keep being responsible. Take care of your side of safe sex. And, let’s try not to slut-shame. Women enjoy sex, too.
You have no reason to trust her. Sex is great but not worth ruining your life over it.
You aren’t lame for setting a boundary for yourself and sticking to it. There will always be other opportunities to have fun with someone who will respect your boundaries my friend
You did the right thing. Don’t ever change. Condoms and birth control are not always safe but together they are safer than having a kid with someone random quick lay
Ok at fieat I was like…eh, you basically slut shamed her, but when I heard she sent you footage of her fucking other dudes raw, all I can say is bullet dodged, and your dick thanks you.
You definitely dodged a bullet there. No need to feel bad, you have rules and you should always stand by them. So just wait, you’ll find someone more compatible that respects you. Don’t get pressured into doing something you don’t want.
If she’s making you feel bad about that, she has issues. Better to just ghost her honestly.
Ay man, you made the right decision. You should never do anything if you feel pressured into doing it, if you dont feel comfortable having sex without a condom then its a simple answer. Dont. If she really loves you she would understand and be ok with using a condom.
Should have just pulled out
The core risk assessment and prioritizing your (and her) health is a completely solid one.
My only remaining advice is:
>I just would prefer to be safe…
Solid! Fair! Referring to yourself.
>…since I know she’s been around a lot
“Sold past the close”, you could have said the first part and been fine.
The other missing piece is you could pull out an STI test results with all Negatives and be like “Got one of these too?” If she’s raw dogging it with you without worrying about STI, odds are she has with others too. OK and the last piece is knowing the birth control situation.
Yeah there were a lot of unknowns. Holding the line on condoms was a solid call.