He says he’s separated, but he has a 1 year old, I’m not interested in a relationship with anyone ATM, but we’re good friends and I have a lot of fun with him. He has been asking me out for months and I’ve told him I won’t go out with a married man, even if it is as friends.
EDIT: He has said the invitation is as friends only, but the vibe feels different.
36 comments
You don’t accept it. Problem solved
You don’t. Next dilemma please.
Don’t
Don’t or bring along other coworkers, making it not a date
Is there no was a man can understand that I’m not interested in anything but friendship?
You should not accept his invitation if you are unwilling to reciprocate his sexual advances, as this may lead to disappointment for both parties.
You answered your question already “I’ve told him I won’t go out with a married man” stick to that.
I agree with all the comments saying simply “Don’t”.
However, if you were looking for more of an answer than that, I’d say:
Tell this bloke you’ll go out with him and stress heavily AS A FRIEND. I might even add that if he tries any funny business, I’d not want to speak with him for a while.
Don’t spend 1 on 1 time with him
Bring another dude with you
If you won’t go out with him even as friends, just don’t go out with him. Or you can tell him you’re not interested in him romantically/platonically.
If you are friends and have known each other for so long, he knows your situation. However, be sure to tell him you are not wanting to put out for him.
Everyone is saying that you just shouldn’t go out with him and leave it at that. Personally, I think that you should. But you make him say the words “just as friends“ before you accept it. And if he violates that, if he makes a move on you, then you know for certain that he doesn’t respect you or your boundaries. And that’s not a friend.
You have responded to his request with your answer: “I won’t go out with a married man.” Stick to your guns.
nope, if you’re already concerned about this that’s all you need to know. I’d just say no
You tell him you won’t go out with him (and I’d agree)….but then you ask us if you should?
….come on now! You know better than this…don’t you?
This seems like a real easy decision…
Don’t go, then.
If you know he wants a date and you know you don’t want a date, don’t accept.
Dont shit where you eat.
Problem solved.
Thanks.
Don’t overthink! Don’t go! Only question I’m curious about is why it’s lingering as a possibility for you.
Just be very clear. “That sounds like fun, but just to make sure there aren’t any misunderstandings I am not at all romantically interested in you.”
You kinda messed up with the “won’t go out with a married man” line because you made the fact that he’s married the reason you won’t go out with him rather than not wanting romance with him.
Dont. you also might want to tell him that no means no and if he doesnt respect that you should avoid the guy.
It doesn’t matter what you tell him if you go out on a date with him he will think there is a chance.
I would not go on the date, you’re getting his hopes up and I know that’s not your goal.
Just have to tell him you guys can’t go out. Safest way.
Just say exactly that
Can you shift it to a lunch so you both have a timetable to adhere too?
Or, like the other’s have said, just say no and leave that type of stress out of your life.
never let the pen in the company ink – problem solved.
Don’t go.
If he is asking you out for more than lunch I would assume ulterior motives.
Dude wanna fuck you.
If he’s not good-looking enough for an one-night stand, just refuse his invitation.
You don’t go. As you wrote, the vibe feels different. Trust your instincts.
I think men and women both, when they have a crush on someone, keep hoping that the “we’re just friends” thingy will go away if we just show them how charming and fun we are. Every time our crush agrees to hang out alone with us, we convince ourselves we’re making headway and there’s hope for the future.
This poor guy is obviously carrying a flag for you, and you keep hanging out with him and encouraging him to think there’s hope when you say stuff like “well, I don’t date married men” (he will infer that if he wasn’t married, you’d be interested) instead of “I don’t think of you that way and it makes me uncomfortable when you say that you *do*.”
Please don’t keep hanging out with him one-on-one if you know he’s into you but you don’t feel the same. That kind of courtesy goes both ways, for men and for women.
Why are people so scared about the right to say fuck off? If you really want to go, then go. If you feel pressured into going then don’t. If you go and he crosses a line, look him in the eyes and tell him you will rip his ballsack off and make hime wear it as a hat if he does it again.
If it was just about getting lucky then it wouldn’t be a problem, but that’s not what it’s about. You said, “I’m not interested in a relationship with anyone ATM.” So what you do is you tell him, “I’m not interested in a relationship with anyone ATM,” and then you don’t date him.
Important: this is not at all the same thing as saying, “I’m not interested in a relationship with **you**.” If you tell him that you’re just not looking for something at the moment, then he may wait for you. Or he may not wait, but still be thinking about you in the back of his mind while he’s dating other people.
Either way, if you tell him “at the moment,” and then you turn around and start dating someone else, he will definitely be hurt by this. If you’re not interested in him at all, ever, then you need to tell him that you’re not interested.
As an Woman, I would not go out with him… I’d stick to just friendship at the workplace and that’s it…
“That sounds fun. What sort of evening is it, can I invite the dude I’m talking to?”
And you don’t even need to have a dude to say this