I [28F] and [25M] bf have been running into issues where I have been making him depressed because I have bad thoughts sometimes about my self-worth. How can I share my feelings while at the same time knowing when to stop sharing them. I am not doing a very good job lately and I know I can do better. He is very supportive of me and tries to help in every way and I am so grateful of him. How do I create boundaries. My whole life has been filled with trauma and horror stories. It’s normal to me so people tend to think I am being negative when I am just sharing my life. I guess I just dont know how to communicate with people who have had normal lives free of abuse and trauma. It sucks.
Tl;dr I tend to over share. How do I know when I have gone too far and need to stop?
7 comments
From my experience, partners don’t like to hear about doubt. Especially if it involves them. I also like to think about it a bit before I bring it up, am I just being anxious right now? Is this really how I feel? I think if you feel like it’s affecting your relationship you should talk with a therapist or close friend about those topics
Have you thought about getting a therapist or mental health counselor? Right now the best thing to do would honestly be to stop trauma/stress dumping on him, and instead you can write down your issues in a diary. It both helps you review some of your impulsive thoughts, and keep a detailed log for when you do get around to talking to a professional
Have you considered therapy to work through your trauma and learn healthier communication habits?
Therapy. You SO can’t be your therapist or pain dumping ground. It switches them from partner to care giver which can make romance problematic. It also leads to care giver fatigue, where they just don’t have any more to give.
What are you doing to heal your trauma?
Own experience do not tell your partner everything, some doubts or thoughts you should only talk to your therapist, seek professional help, your partner is not trained to identify which thoughts are yours and which are lies created in your mind, sorry for your partner , but you can’t put the weight of your whole soul into it, just a part.
Own experience do not tell your partner everything, some doubts or thoughts you should only talk to your therapist, seek professional help, your partner is not trained to identify which thoughts are yours and which are lies created in your mind, sorry for your partner , but you can’t put the weight of your whole soul into it, just a part.