I am a widow. My sister has a thing for dark humor, some jokes are funny. For example, I have made the choice to never date again. I want my late husband to be the only man I’m ever with.
So one day a few years ago we were out at target and it was Halloween time and there was a skeleton decoration, and she said “hey, he looks like (my husbands name) maybe he’s your type” (joke because, well, my husband is dead.) and I found that kind of funny. My husband loved to laugh at himself and I know he would love that joke.
She has made a few jokes that are just hurtful. Like I said once “they should make a heated body pillow. Like something you cuddle to keep you warm at night” and she said “they do. It’s called a husband” I could see the humor but it was more hurtful than humorous.
Today she made the meanest, cruelest joke I’ve ever seen. It literally made me cry. I’m still crying thinking about it. I don’t know how a woman would say something like this and expect a laugh. She took the worst moment of my life and roasted me about it.
It’s no secret my life is forever ruined. This joke will hurt me every single day for at least the next few years. I don’t see myself ever getting over this.
Sorry if I’m just rambling. I’ve just been insulted harder than I knew was possible. This joke makes mean girls look like the nicest angels in the whole world.
I know it’s just a joke but i don’t think I’ll ever forgive her for this one.
43 comments
For those curious about what it was, I guess I’ll explain.
I lost my husband to suicide. He was behind the bathroom door and it was locked and we were talking before he did it. I tried all I could to talk him out if it. I tried breaking the door down with all my strength, I tried running and jumping at it to break it open but I couldn’t. I just wasn’t strong enough.
We talked for a long time. I did all the convincing I could but eventually he said goodbye and that was that.
That was the moment my life was forever ruined.
So today at the gym it was me, my sister, and our 2 friends. I curled 30 pounds and said “haha what can’t I do?” And my sister said “open a bathroom door?”
Our friends didn’t understand but I just left. That one felt like a punch to the stomach. Jesus Christ I didn’t think a woman on this earth could be so mean.
I’m so sorry about your entire situation. Some people just don’t have any compassion or empathy for others. Have you told her how bad that hurt you? Do you blame yourself for your husband’s death? You did all you could. Hugs my friend
Your husband dying in front of you (behind a door) sounds like the most traumatic thing that could ever happen to someone. I don’t get how your sister could be unsympathetic to all that and joke about it? Have a serious conversation with her and tell her to stop making these jokes.
No offense but your sister sounds like she has a mental disorder. This is some next level zero empathy
Personality disorder red flags. Normal people would never say something like that.
What the hell?!???!!!
That’s actually sickening. I’m so sorry that you are related to someone that cruel. It’s ok to walk away from family if they’re toxic.
I am sorry for your loss and for having such a cruel sister.
I am so sorry. Hold your head high because there’s nothing you can’t do
Shit, everything said is overall cruel and insensitive, but the last “joke” really punched me in the gut. That’s horrible. I hope you’re doing alright and tell her she’s overstepped herself here way too far. I personally don’t know if I’d talk to someone again for a long time if they did this. Hope you’re taking care of yourself.
I’m so sorry. Your sister is heartless.
I’m so sorry OP, a good sister should be supporting you, not cause you more pain, time to avoid her as much as possible. Also OP, you should consider getting some therapy, to deal with your loss.
Good luck OP, I wish you peace, happiness and a great future.
That’s really mean of her to say that.. op I hope you will be ok in time.. has your sister asked why your upset or has she not realise how hard she was with her joke xxx
Honey, NC, now. No explanation necessary. Look after yourself. Xxx
Much like you I also have a dark sense of humor around serious stuff and it’s damn near impossible to offend me and that joke even made me cringe. I’m sorry that happened to you.
I’m zo sorry. Time to go no contact with your sister. I think she’s got more problems then you & this isn’t healthy for you.
I am sorry for your loss. That joke was beyond the pale. I hope you are going to therapy.
Your sister fucking sucks.
I am so sorry for your loss. No one should ever have to experience that.
I’m so sorry she took your deep pain and made a joke. It’s disgusting and no one would blame you for cutting her out forever.
Wow … It’s just so mean. I’m seriously gutted for you – how cruel.
I’m so so sorry. I also lost my husband to suicide. Honestly that comment would be it for me. Relationship over. There is no excuse.
I’d never talk to her again.
None of her jokes even read like actual dark humor. That’s just mean. I’m always wary of someone when they say they have dark humor, because usually it means they say mean or terribly offensive things and then get upset when you react, because they “told you they have a dark sense of humor!”
I’m sorry that you lost your husband.
You should seek therapy to deal with your guilt. His death is not your fault. I’m sorry you had to go through all this!
Nah, your sister has been abusing you like this probably for your whole life.
Trying to weasel out of her cruelty by saying ‘it’s just a joke’ or she has a ‘dark’ sense of humour.
She’s been pushing the line for years and you finally found your breaking point.
I have a huge sense of humor too, but I don’t push that shit unless I’m trolling or being purposefully cruel.
I had a friend like this. He’d be the focal point of where insult humor started/came from in our peer group. We all got tired of his shit and abandoned him. He’s probably friendless to this day.
It’s not ‘dark’or ‘edgy’ it’s someone being an abusive asshole.
Does your sister have friends? She doesn’t need to be yours anymore.
She’ll whine and complain that she was only joking and you took the other jokes so why was this one bad. She’ll DARVO you for sure.
Wow that is COMPLETELY f()cked up. Oh my gosh I am so freaking sorry! My heart goes out to you. I can’t imagine the hurt and pain that just brought back into the forefront for you. How dare she!!! There really are limits to what we should say almost not even to think —though I know we can’t control folks thoughts, but she needs to understand she hit a limit that didn’t need to be hit. I am SO sorry. **hugs**. I know a hug won’t help, but I feel it’s the least I can do and I wish I could do more and say something to her for you so you don’t have to relive it again. I cannot imagine losing my husband that way.
This isn’t just dark humor. These are sadistic ‘jokes’ and she seems to enjoy hurting you with it. One off joke…ok fine don’t joke like that again… more than that is just trying to be cruel. Does she have some sort of morbid fascination with what happened to you? She sure seems to think about it a lot. It’s ok to walk away from her
Crossed the line in the biggest way possible
My youngest kid is like your sister, she had a dark humor. Right now my oldest thinks it’s hilarious but i can imagine a time my oldest will need her sister and this’ll happen.
It’s not for lack of empathy or love as others have suggested. It’s how they deal/cope/process. Just talk with her and let her know it needs to be a serious conversation and tell her how it affected you.
Her response will tell you what you need to know. If she’s like my child, she’ll feel terrible. If she’s not like my child, maybe you shouldn’t have that sister anymore.
Really sorry for your loss.
Report her to her husband and your mother
I would simply ask your sister to stop making jokes about your husband. As asking her to just tone it down clearly wont work, as she seems completely unable to see where the line goes. So ask her to simply stop doing it, forgive her, and move on.
Most smart phones will let you block someone. Block her and put her in time out for a year. If you see her in public, ignore. She’s not your sister anymore.
Your sister seems like a sociopath I’d go low contact for a bit
Hugs to you. Your sister is a jerk.
IMO- it’s time to tell her to stop all of the dark humor jokes about your husbands death. It’s time for you to not allow any of them, even the small jokes. She doesn’t know your boundaries because you’ve allowed it. Draw the line.
If you explain how hurtful and insensitive her jokes are, I would not be spending time with her until she stops.
Your sister isn’t in to dark humor, your sister is in to being cruel and there’s a massive difference. Comedy isn’t made at someone’s expense, that’s called bullying and your sister isn’t “roasting” you, she’s mocking you.
The first thing you should do is talk to her, tell her flat out that her jokes are cruel and you don’t find any humor in them. Even the skeleton one wasn’t funny, and your wording describing it makes it pretty clear that you had to work to find the humor in it by justifying it.
Set a boundary with her, and I’d even recommend creating some space from her. I’m not sure how close you two are, or how close your family is, but space isn’t a bad thing. If your parents ask why, don’t sugar coat it, tell them exactly what she said and how it affected you. Don’t cave, pick yourself in this situation and don’t be concerned about her feelings because she clearly isn’t concerned about yours.
I’m a suicide widow too. I would be so furious with your sister, that I cannot say what I’d do, or I’ll get banned
JFC… that was actually evil. I’m so sorry for your loss, OP. And I’m sorry your sister is so heartless. That was just too far.
I’m a dark humour kind of person but the jokes made then were in bad taste.
The last one is something I won’t call a joke. I’m sorry for your loss, and I hope your sister finds a way to understand how painful her jokes are.
That was cruel and your feelings are valid. I would cut contact for a while and then have a sit down with her and get to the bottom of why she would say something so incredibly mean. Has she always been like this? She’s proving she isn’t trustworthy when it comes to protecting your heart so keep in mind moving forward. I’m so sorry for the heartache and trauma you have had to endure and then the re-living of it with your sister’s malice.
This is not normal behavior. This is not “dark humor.” It sounds like your sister may have a mental health problem or there’s something else going on in her life that’s causing her to act like this.
hey
I just want to say thanks, because I just love this ‘ I want my late husband to be the only man I’m ever with. ‘ and you kind of just made me believe in love again. Even if you change or mind or date someone, the fact that someone could love so much to want that is just beautiful. Thank you
I think I have the same problem that your sister have. Because I think the joke was funny.