How to make friends and keep them?

6 comments

1. You gotta put in work to keep the connection. When the bond starts to fade, work hard to revive it. Talk to them. Tell them how much they mean to you. Arrange things to do together. I know it’s hard but it’s worth it. Try reviving old friendships that seem to have died. Have a party and invite all your old friends. Show them they’re still in your mind.

2. If you don’t mind an online friend Ill be your friend :). I struggle with similar issues.

3. Maintaining friendships is definitely harder as an adult. People get busy with work, families, etc and people have less time to devote to hanging out. I’m usually the one doing the reaching out and planning but it’s worth it to me to keep enganging the important people in my life.

4. Take it slow. You don’t need to be inseparable and make them your life. You incorporate them into parts of your life as you go and keep in touch without suffocation.

5. I know in my life, I’ve had some difficulty overcoming childhood trauma that manifests in really harsh black and white thinking. I bring that up because the whole ‘inseparable and then nothing’ pattern you mentioned resonates with my early life experience with friends so much.

   Over the years, I’ve found that the periods of intense closeness are great, but it took me a long time to be comfortable that the status of the friendship is unchanged when breaks come. I check in with my friends every once in a while if we haven’t spoken for a bit and unless someone actively avoids my contact or outright tells me they’re no longer interested in friendship, I just try to stay positive about it and use the extra time for new friends. Anyway, I hope my experience has some relevance for you also, and good luck.

6. I think the key is to be mindful. To not change your behaviour according to your friends moods and to have individualism. You don’t have to tiptoe around friendships. I think when we have our real distinct identity, friends remember us more.