*talk of drug use*
For a long time Ive always had issues with socialising.. My social skills were much better when I was younger but I still dealt with some pretty bad anxiety. Around the age of 16 I got heavily into smoking weed and did a few psychedelics. In one of my bad trips I was with my boyfriend when suddenly I had this really uncomfortable feeling, as if his presence was giving me anxiety. After the trip I was fine however I started to notice when I hung out with people the usual anxiety that I had been able to push aside in order to have fun had intensified. I overthink everything I say and do because the fact that people can think and have feelings about what I do and say is extremely overwhelming. Keep in mind these are friends that I have known for most my life and I cant even hold a conversation with them. When I talk to people I sound stand off-ish and awkward which then makes them think theyre making me uncomfortable. People tend to say psychedelics open your mind and I feel the same way, however for me it was negative. It made me realise that people can actually perceive me to be me if that makes sense, which is way too overwhelming for me. After I realised this I went cold turkey and I havent done any drugs at all in over a year but instead of helping I feel like its worse, like its beyond the drugs now and just my fucked up brain. I am now 18 and realising that I have no friends and no social skills at all. Most of the time now i even struggle to put a sentence together. The only person I feel comfortable around is my boyfriend but all I want is a friend who I dont make uncomfortable with my uncomfortableness. Ive tried meeting new people but most of the time im pretty much a downer because im sober and wont do any drugs or party at all. I just feel so cut off from society.
If anyone has any advice for me right now I really need it, or even if I know im not alone dealing with this it would be greatly appreciated. Im at my breaking point. It makes my life so much harder and I cant
deal with it any longer.
2 comments
currently in the exact same position as you. im 19 and psychedelics put me into the exact same thought process as yours. and now im mostly going sober, so i feel that disconnect from the world same as you. the only people i feel even somewhat comfortable with now are my roommate, parents, and like 1 or 2 of my friends. things are very very slowly getting better as im trying to incorporate “stop caring about what others think” into my thought process, maybe you can try the same. i know its really hard and really scary feeling this way and i’m sorry. hope things will get better for us
Weed had also worsened my anxiety so I had to go sober. You did a good job deciding to go sober. Did you do psychedelics on your own or with other ppl? Doing it with others can make you freak out so I’m just wondering.
I suggest meditation to stop your mind from thinking so much. It’s genuinely helps even if it’s just for 10 min a day. I’m sure you can find a YouTube video that will take you through the meditation process as a beginner to help clear your mind. Focusing on your poor social skills can actually make them worse. Just focus on taking care of your own body and listen to what your body needs when you start feeing anxious, whether that means removing yourself from a situation, or doing something to take your mind off of what’s causing anxiety. Please try meditating tho, it’s helped me immensely and it’s the first thing I do when I start to feel anxious. I hope this post helps you in some way!