For some context we were together for 9 and a half years, but I broke up with him almost a year ago now, and we’ve still been living together because embarrassingly I have literally nowhere to go (abusive, impoverished, and neglectful family), no friends, and have personal issues like severe anxiety, depression, and mental stuff that has prevented me from gainful employment, such as chronic panic attacks.
Even though we are broken up we have been doing relationship therapy recently through his insurance once he finally agreed, even though I don’t see us getting back together, but I thought it would help us both cope emotionally and initiate some way to communicate effectively and civil in a more moderated therapy setting and decide what to do going forward. Anyways, one of the suggestions was for both of us to start exercising more. Neither of us are really that out of shape, but it was just recommended to help with depression.
I haven’t been to a gym in several years. I’ve been intermittently doing like yoga and pilates type of stuff at home, but after weeks of him nagging me to go to the gym with him I finally did yesterday. I wore myself out badly, by barely doing anything, since it’s been so long, and so when we got back home I was drained and felt like I really didn’t wanna move at all. He wanted me to go in the living room area to eat dinner and I said to give me minute because my arms and legs feel like jello and I feel like I can’t move them at all.
He, very quickly and nonchalantly, responded “You would be so easy to rape right now.” I was just shocked and could only say “WHAT THE FUCK!” to that, and he just smiled, I asked “Why would you say something like that?!” he just blew it off like “chill out it was obviously a joke.” and he went in the other room. Neither of us said anything after that.
He has an extremely dark sense of humor which was honestly something that we had in common, and he’s made me laugh so many times with his horrible jokes, but this was about rape and about me. He’s always drawn the line way further out than I have on what’s funny or not, and this isn’t the only time I’ve been like wtf or directly seriously called him out for taking jokes too far. And I feel like how fast he said it and the context, it’s what he was really thinking deep down but tried to play it off as some kind of joke. Either way it’s not funny. I really trust him in alot of ways, and I would never think he would do something like that, until now maybe. This so called “joke” really has me worried and upset. I’m not sure how to react, since it was “just a joke” according to him.
39 comments
Time to move out. You need to find a room share or anything.
That’s a cunt speaking right there if he doesn’t understand what an awful thing it is to “joke” about.
Please dont excuse it as being a “dark” sense of humour. He knew what he was saying.
You two really need to stop living together if you have been split for a year. You can move into a roommate situation. I don’t know why you two are going to therapy if you know you don’t want to get back together.
It wasn’t a joke, he’s dangerous, and you know it. Find a women’s shelter. The convenience of living with someone who is planning on abusing you isn’t worth it.
You know it wasn’t a joke, or else it wouldn’t have set off those alarm bells in your head. Ask yourself why, when he saw you temporarily weak, that his first thought was of how he could overpower you. He was bold enough to even say it out loud. gRape isn’t about sex it’s about power and control. He didn’t care that it made you uncomfortable either.
Girl, move out and get away from him.
OK you need to move out as soon as you can or go stay someplace else and figure this out. Guy wants to sleep with you. And he’s not trustworthy saying stupid things like that. I would say you go ahead and try to do that and you will be in the police department. Do not trust him.
You need to move out ASAP. There’s no reason after a year to still be there. Lots of people live with roommates. What he said wasn’t a joke. That’s not something you ever joke about.
Believe your instincts! Stop 2nd guessing yourself. Get the eff out NOW.
Another person suggested a women’s shelter. DO it! It is not necessary to have the crap kicked out of you in order to be allowed in one of those places. Verbal and mental abuse qualifies too. What he’s doing is definitely abusive
No offense but you should’ve been spending the year you’ve lived with your ex looking for other places to stay. Now you definitely need to get away from him asap.
RUN, check for womens shelters in your area or any kind of social program that can help. Contact distant family if you have to but if you stay there it sounds like things will get bad.
A 24 year old man groomed a 16 or 17 year old child and ten years later has control over her living situation and makes jokes about raping her.
OP, **please find somewhere safe and gtfo.**
That is not a joke. Regular humans do not think like that. Get out immediately.
Not even reading this.. why the fuck do you live with your ex? Figure it out.
I think you need to move out and stop depending on your ex to solve your problems. I think his horrible joke just goes inline with his dark humor but the bigger issue is you not moving out because you have no options.
Build yourself up to where you can support yourself.
Don’t know that I could ever imagine the word Rape In joke
Who jokes like that
Are u getting disability benefits? Bring it up in counseling. A shelter may be safer for u at this point.
Call a domestic violence hotline, they can help you find a place to live so you can get out of there.
Joke was in poor taste. If your broken up you need to move into separate places. After one year and no consideration of being together as a couple it would be advisable to move asap.
It’s a joke until it isn’t. Statistically he is the most likely man to hurt you. Stop living with him.
You’re living with him after a year of breaking up, still cook dinner for him, AND you’re going to couples counseling even though you have no plans on getting back together with him????
This sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Read the book The Gift of Fear. Right now, today.
Yeah… a womens shelter would be better than to stay in a home with your abusive predatory groomin ex who wants to rape you (and probably has before via coercion)
Oh dear. You need to come up with a plan to GTFO already.
Perhaps, talk to domestic shelter for women who are abused and ask about resources that you can pursue. Maybe you’re eligible for low-income housing or disability, etc. Try to see if you can pursue that, call 211 for resource (Idk where you are though, so that number may not be valid).
You already reacted, so no further reaction needed.
Okay I didn’t even read it I’m jumping straight into the comments with HOLY FUCK GET TF OUT OF THERE.
Not okay to joke about!!
And you’re still there?
So you’ve been sponging off him for years with no intent to stop. If you feel so unsafe, gtfo. If you’re so disabled you can’t work, then get on welfare or go to a shelter. You’re practically a professional victim
You need to get away from him before he actually does it. The only people who joke about raping their partner are the ones who want to do it.
[DO NOT GO TO THERAPY WITH YOUR ABUSER](https://www.thehotline.org/resources/should-i-go-to-couples-therapy-with-my-abusive-partner/)
OP, you should be in individual therapy, not showing your abuser your most vulnerable side in couple’s therapy. I understand wanting to remain anonymous but if you could give a general idea of where you’re located people may be able to provide more helpful resources. Find a women’s shelter, get yourself a job, make friends, and leave this guy in the dust.
You know who brings up rape? A rapist. Whether actual or hopeful, good people don’t “joke” about that.
Try to get out as quickly as you can ♥️
I would move out as quickly as possible and cease all contact.
RUN.
Over reaction. Sounds like a thought it be a reasonable joke between you too. Obviously didn’t go over but I could see it being something that could be said.
(I’ve said random shit like this and never mean it) and you said yourself you don’t think he’d actually do anything like that. Nit saying it’s right thing to say but also I wouldn’t jump over board
But hey……here we are on reddit all over thinking what EVERYTHING means
OP, you need to find away to deal with your anxieties enough to become self supporting. This is NOT a safe haven for you. Have you check out homeless/abused women (hon, you are being emotionally abused) in your area. You really should.
Well that’s when you make sure he knows that will be the last thing he ever does.
No you don’t need to just chill out. He’s nasty asf for that. Telling someone it would be easy to rape them is not a fucking joke
It’s not a joke. He meant it. And if it *was*, he’s an absolute psycho to think that’s funny. You’d be better off in a shelter. You’re not safe.
Abusive, impoverished, no family, no friends, no job, anxiety, depression, chronic panic attacks… I think you needa be focusing on yourself