I posted here once before and a few people told me I’m a basically a stuck up bitch while others said they experienced similar issues and were no longer in the marriage! I’m going to try to keep it short – we fight often about shared household responsibilities. I feel like I do most of the work. I have to ask him 10x to do something before he does it or I just do it myself.
I lost it today because he didn’t do something important I asked him to do, that I couldn’t do, and I’ve asked him for three days now. I asked him last night. He ignored me looking at his phone and eventually said I’ll do it tomorrow but he forgot. It affected our dog. He did some other nice gestures today and even had flowers sent to me because I recently expressed that I wanted to get flowers from him and haven’t in years. I felt awful for going off. I was really angry and mean and honestly ready to walk out the door iI was so fed up. I feel like I have to get angry and crazy for him to hear me and make even the slightest attempt at listening and sharing equal household responsibilities. The conversation always ends up being about how pissed off I got and I need to work on myself and we both feel like shit. I don’t know how else to get through to him. I’m feeling so defeated and like I just want to give up meaning stop asking for anything and keep my mouth shut to keep the peace. Please offer your insight or advice. Thanks!
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> I lost it today because he didn’t do something important I asked him to do, that I couldn’t do, and I’ve asked him for three days now.
What did you ask him to do?
My ex-husband always had to be told to do stuff and late to everything. Great person, but infuriating traits. It drove me nuts. I’m not your mom, I’m your partner.
It sounds like you are not in a partnership. You are not his mom. My husband now have out household duties split and we have an informal schedule.
I want to point out that it is not healthy to go crazy on someone. Am I perfect? No. None of us are. We are only human. I distinctly remember the two times I flipped on my ex and yelled at him. I have been with my husband now for seven years and we have not yelled once at each other. Freaking out on your partner especially if frequently is not normal, in my opinion.
I would make your husband put his phone away and have a heart to heart. “I feel really X when I have to tell you to do something. I don’t mind giving a friendly reminder for something important, but I need you to be reliable and someone I can count on.” If he tries to bring up his grievances, keep bringing back the conversation. “I understand you have issues with me doing X and I’m happy to talk about it with you later, but right now I want to discuss X.” I would tell him how you don’t feel heard unless you have an intense reaction and that is not who you feel you are and not who you want to be.
Idk if this will help but..
I like to try to acknowledge and tell my guy that I appreciate that he did what ever it was that got done weather I asked or not…
example: if I see dishes got done ,I go give him a big hug and tell him thank u and that he is the best with a kiss.
Personality Yelling and screaming won’t make me wana do whatever it is that u want me to do… if any thing ur making that become a chore vs something that i can do to show i care..
Maybe also try writeing it down like make a list maybe him seeing what needs done vs just hearing it … I have a personal thing where I will only ask of 3 easy things or 1 big thing anytime my guy has a day off.. …
Also maybe he might be dealing with some mental shit that ur gona need to talk about that might be effecting him, guys get stressed out and depressed and don’t really talk about it and can lead to ignoring responsibilities or it can even be something like adhd where somedays its really hard to get into the “get shit done zone” ( the adhd thing is usually my issue…😅 )
Watch Fair play on Hulu. Get the book and the cards. Get him the book This is how your marriage ends by Matthew Fray.
Hi there…After reading your updates, it really sounds like you are taking responsibility for how you come across to him, and really love him and want to work things out!
One thing you might want to try in the future is letting your frustration out a little at a time, rather than holding it in, and then exploding. Do you think that some sort of anger management techniques might help?
With my husband, I try to really show appreciation for the things he does for me (which is a LOT!) 🙂 ..I also TRY to keep a “Thankfulness journal,” where I record thoughtful things he does, as well as other things I am thankful for in my life.
I know you know….that we are all imperfect people who need grace!
Hoping that things continue to improve between you and your Hubby!!!