Last summer I was at an internship and a couple of us were going to do something fun together, but once we met up in person, everyone avoided interacting with me. People avoided eye contact, and when I did say something, people were very short with their responses.
I get that everyone goes through rejection but I guarantee that 99% of people get more acceptance than I do. I don’t understand what I’m doing wrong, it doesn’t matter what type of people I hang around, this always happens.
No one knows anything about me, so it’s appearance based rejection. I wish improving confidence was enough, but I’ve still gotten rejected just as much with high confidence and self-esteem.
Bottom line is everyone seems me worthless just by looking at me, and it doesn’t seem to happen for other people. Could I just be ugly, or have weird mannerisms? I really need to fix this, I hate living like this.
4 comments
“To have friends you have to be a friend”
Think of the style of conversations you want to have. You’d like a curious, attentive listener who’s excited about what you’re saying and who you are, from my estimate.
Be that to others. Easiest way to make connections. I use the 5-Why Rule. You can get to the root of anything by essentially asking 5 times. Leads to very deep conversations. Google it! Well worth the research.
I cant say without knowing you, but maybe you are subconsciously giving out vibes that are self sabotaging. It’s rare to be ignores the way you are describing. Are you certain your standards of acceptance and validation isn’t abnormally high? You would be giving out vibes of “I am obsessed with what others think of me”. Ironically this could reduce the chance that others would think well of you. If I engaged with someone, and they don’t care for me, it doesn’t bother me. I move on. Are you able to do the same? I mean most people ignore strangers. If you expect everyone you come across to immediately be your friend, that can be very creepy.
Do you have a friend or family member that you’re close enough with to have an honest conversation about what you’re like in social settings?
Another possible option could be your hygiene? If you have extremely bad body odours, bad breath, clothing you’ve worn too many times, you smoke or spend a lot of time with smokers, etc. Anything that might make people want to distance themselves from you due to bad smells.
The way that you talk about yourself does not present the image of a person who people want to be around, as does the certainty with which you say This Always Happens.
What always happens, exactly? Others are more accepted than you? Have you spoken with these people to figure out what is actually going on, or are you drawing assumptions that you will not clarify?
Internships, like jobs, are not places where I have ever made friends. Good acquaintances sure, but I’m not in business to make friends. I’m in business to advance my goals and get a paycheck and go home to eat.
You say no one knows a thing about you – did you tell them? You’ve not told us, either, I want to note. You are also so absolutely certain that it is Appearance Based Rejection, or some other fault in your character or personage. Who told you it is? Because if no one did, then you are running on assumptions.
My advice to you is this. Other people don’t decide your value, unless you let them. And it sounds like you are putting all of the responsibility of deciding if you are happy in your life in the hands of people who may not have even had a second thought about you. I can say with reasonable certainty that not a one of them at that internship have given this nearly the level of space in their minds as you have.
Seek solace on your own. Be a person that people are interested in and want to spend time around, if growing your social circle is a goal. Personally, I would work on self-improvement regardless of social gains. There is no single right way to do any of this stuff, and relying on other people to decide right and wrong for you? Well, you’ve not moved an inch. You’ve just put the onus on another group of people to make you happy when they have no idea how.