Howdy guys , I (23m) will cut to the chase, this girl (22f) I’m dating is a virgin. At first I didn’t think it would be an issue but the more time goes on I’m afraid it will turn into an issue. At this point in my life I’m not a virgin , I’ve been with other people and over time I’ve learned what I do and don’t like , with my current girlfriend though it feels like I’m a teacher. Originally I wasn’t sure whether to post this here or on the AITA Reddit bc I do feel like a pos typing this out but every time I’ve asked what she likes she gives me some form of idk , which makes sense bc of course . I feel like I’m consistently teaching her about things and trying new things out,I don’t know if anyone else has experienced this but I’m feeling very sexually frustrated . Maybe I don’t remember well but as I think back I don’t remember being a virgin being this laborious, if that’s even a way I could describe it. She is afraid to have sex and I want to. When I set out to find a partner I told myself that I wanted someone who is on the same page as me with regards to experience level and enthusiasm and I’m wondering if I should cut things off but also maybe find others who’ve gone through the same thing.
Edit: I may not have explained myself here but at the part where I say “ I’ve asked what she likes she gives me some form of idk” i wanna make clear that these questions don’t just pertain to sex but simpler things like kissing, holding hands , cuddling and other things like that. I think this may be a source of frustration bc when we talk about it, it seems like she has no experience in any of those things whatsoever, I’ve never been w/ /met anyone like that . Any comments with experiences like this would be appreciated
13 comments
Some people are just more “i’ll think about that when it happens” than others. So they don’t form those opinions until they need to. It’s not right or wrong, it’s just a different approach to things.
If your relationship is more frustrating than it is worth? It’s okay to break things off. You don’t need to stay in the relationship if it’s not making you happy.
Okay, not everyone is equally open about sex. Maybe it was easy for you to become used to having sex, but it’s not for her. Keep in mind that women often find it harder to cum than men.
If you two hadn’t had sex yet, it makes sense she has no clue. You need to take it slowly. You also don’t know what she’s going to be like when she becomes more relaxed. I mean she might discover she’s a total freak in the sheets (not likely, but possible).
>When I set out to find a partner I told myself that I wanted someone who is on the same page as me with regards to experience level and enthusiasm and I’m wondering if I should cut things off but also maybe find others who’ve gone through the same thing.
If you genuinely want someone equally or more sexually open than you are and won’t accept less, than she is not the best person for you.
She needs some time to become comfortable with sex. Could be 3 weeks, could be 3 months. If you can’t provide her with that, it’s better for you to break up than for her to feel pressured to make you happy if she’s not comfortable.
>She is afraid to have sex and I want to.
If she literally doesn’t want to and you do, you should break up with her. You absolutely have no business pressuring her with ultimatums. You can tell her if she asks, I guess, but you said it yourself, you’re looking for something she is not.
That is a great reason to break up with anyone.
Maybe being the teacher is not your thing.
ok first of all, each person has a different angle on sex, some are more open than others and that is why it is easier for them to talk and experience than other people.
The most important thing here is how willing she is to open up to you, that is, to try new things, to express what she feels or what she wants to do, how comfortable she feels with you, these are questions that you have to have the answer to first before giving the step of having sex, because if I don’t assure you that you’re not going to enjoy it, if she opens up to you, you’ll be able to experience everything you want because she’ll be willing, but if it’s not like that, the situation is going to be hell.
The best thing for her is always to talk about it beforehand, try to find out her preferences and how little or much she knows about the subject and most importantly, if she is willing for you to teach her and well little by little they will get more involved.
I think it will get better once you have sex. It’s been my experience once you do she will over enthusiastic in wanting to have sex all the time. Plus, you kinda got a blank slate here, you can kind of teach exactly what and how you like it.
On the other hand, if you’re not committed with seeing this through, break it off now before you do have sex and she gives her virginity to you.
I think its shows good heart and initiative at your ability to teach.Dont try forcing yourself on her if she doesnt like something its for a reason and isnt “picky”. Take it slow.Start with kissing and fondling.
But if it isnt working out just drop it and find someone more compatible
Keep it moving…not really worth the time or energy to wait for her TBH
I stopped reading when you called her “this girl…” just leave her alone bro
It just shows how selfish you are. If you want sex that bad break up with her and leave her alone she’s obviously not ready yet and you’re pressuring her.
Well, you did not write that you’re in love with her or you wanna be with her, marry etc. You’re both young and you’re being selfish.
What do you expect of her when you ask a girl virgin what she likes? From what you said you wrote you do not have any approach and you’re just thinking about your balls.
You’re feeling sexually frustrated? All you’re thinking about is having that one fuck with her. You’re just thinking of getting laid and virginity is a BIG thing for a woman.
If you set out to have a partner that’s on the same page as you on experience and enthusiasm, why do you go for a virgin and get mad about her being hesitant.
You have a wrong frame of mind to this whole situation, but you’re both young people and young people make mistakes, but maybe save her from this mistake?
Honestly, I think you should remove yourself from this relationship in a gentlemanly manner and let the girl be.
You need to respect her boundaries, and decide if you wish to stay with her and build a relationship.
What you have is an exciting opportunity to learn what she likes as she begins a journey of discovery!
She will be trying things out for the first time, and will fund things that she loves.
How exciting!