Unable to orgasm

Hello! I’m a 27 yo female and I have yet to cum in my life. I am asexual (but not sex repulsed) and I have had no sexual partners.

Sexual attraction and horniness never really happened with me. First thing I really remember is being mid to late teens and feeling an oddly nice sensation from sitting a certain way. Whenever I tried touching myself things just dried up and hurt. I was curious about sex but not interested much at all.

In recent years, I’ve come to terms with the fact that I am gay. I find women attractive in a way I don’t find men. With this rethink of my sexuality, I really wanted to feel something pleasurable. I bought toys to try but I had a small budget. I got a love egg that did absolutely nothing when I inserted it, but when I touched it to my clit that did something. Barely anything, but I wasn’t really trying that hard.

Within the last year I decided I was going to try harder. I bought more toys with a better budget and the clit specific ones do something, but the dildos, even the smallest sizes, I cannot get in. It’s painful to try. The love egg is small and short and goes in fine but nothing else I’ve bought will go. Clit stim seems to be the way forward.

With these toys, and the lube I’ve introduced early doors, I’ve managed to illicit a response from my body. I squirt a lot and very quickly; however this comes almost immediately without any other feelings. It’s like it’s just a reflex detached from anything else. Not pleasurable, just inconvenient. I have also started watching lesbian porn while trying but the furthest I get is feeling like I’m a little bit away from the brink of possible orgasm and them I’m like nope and I just stop. My heart rate spikes, my toes curl, legs tense, but no feeling you hear about everyone else having. There’s something interesting happening but I wouldn’t describe it as pleasurable. It’s like I just get somewhat close, feel the need to stop, and then just back away from it when I do.

I don’t know what to do to push myself over that edge. Perhaps I need another person but I feel without a deep connection I would hate it. I don’t even like to hug my closest friends.

Has anyone experienced anything like this? I would honestly love the destress and happiness this apparently brings. Instead I’m just disappointed and wet. Any advice would be appreciated.