I love my younger siblings, 16M and 14F, but they still live with my parents (obviously) and I moved out across the country years ago. We *all* have awful social skills. My parents never taught us how to hold a conversation at all so I had to learn after I moved out as an adult- things like asking questions, volunteering information, all of those things that create a good back-and-forth conversation.
My siblings love me, I’m sure, and want to talk to me, my mom tells me all the time how my siblings talk about missing me. But whenever I call they sound super monotone, bored, they give answers with only a couple words and then silence hangs. Honestly, they sound like they don’t want to even talk to me, so I go months without talking to them sometimes and I feel awful. We used to be so close when I was living at home but now I have no idea how to talk to them. Texts also often go unanswered or they just send one word and that’s it.
My siblings are teens but they’re still the kids and I’m the adult, so I need to bridge this gap. I’m always the one calling and texting and even that is very few and far between. Does anyone have any tips?
1 comment
You are describing the exact situation i have with my older siblings. I am not a teen but i can give you their pov.
Before, me and my siblings used to watch the same tv shows or go somewhere together and see something and talk about it. Now that we are separated, we don’t have anything to talk about. We don’t have shared experiences that we can bond over. That’s why whenever my older brother or sister texts me or calls, it’s really hard to connect with them. I think to myself, why do i say to them? What should i even talk about? Whatever’s going on in my life has no effect on them.
Moving away does that unfortunately. People change, lives change, and experiences change. What you had with your siblings might never return and you will have to accept that.
Here are some things that might help. Call them frequently(this will make conversations easier). Find a bit of gossip or drama and try to bond with over. Take interest in what they do and see if they want to talk to you about it.
Idk if this last tip will work or not but I’ve always wondered. Call them when you are free and just be casual. If you don’t have anything to say just be silent. Let them watch a movie or do their homework while you’re still on phone. Let the awkwardness that comes from quietness die. Like you are in the same room as them and nothing has changed. I feel if my siblings did this I might open up after a while. Talking to you shouldn’t feel like a chore, they should look forward to it and that can happen when they feel comfortable.