My (24M) best friend (23F) got a boyfriend (21M) a few months ago. I should preface that I’ve had feelings for her in the past that were unreciprocated. But I’ve met her boyfriend, and the three of us hang out together from time to time. It’s gotten to the point where both he and I consider each other friends as well.
That said, she’s shared with me that they do explore each other sexually. I don’t know much, but I have to admit… I’m really curious to know what they do together, what it’s like. Because I’m a virgin, but also, I… kinda just want to hear more?
My friend and I make sexual jokes fairly regularly, but they’re never directed towards anybody personally, so there’s no tension. I’ve prodded the subject of sex in general with her, and we’ve been able to have open discussions about it, even mentioning a couple preferences of ours. But would asking about her sex life be a bit too invasive? We’re really close to each other, just platonically, so I wouldn’t think so.
She’s told me before that she wouldn’t mind talking about sex more with me, but because of my previous infatuation with her, she fears it might hurt me. And since there’s really no benefit to me having that knowledge, she doesn’t like the idea of risking possible pain for me.
Like I said, she’s stated that she doesn’t mind talking about it. So I suppose the question becomes whether or not I think I can handle hearing the details. But I guess I also wanted to reach out to Reddit and ask if there are any other cautions I should keep in mind when it comes to this situation.
2 comments
Don’t listen to details. Go pick up some girls.
>She’s told me before that she wouldn’t mind talking about sex more with me, but because of my previous infatuation with her, she fears it might hurt me.
She’s probably right. I understand the idea of discussing sex with close friends, but if that close friend is someone you had a crush on, it’s probably a bad idea.
Aside from your feelings for her, being interested in hearing about other people’s sex lives could be a sign of mild voyeuristic tendencies.
In your case it’s most likely result of your sexual curiosity because you’re a virgin. That’s a legit thing to have, but what you’d like to do isn’t really productive for you.
Do you feel you’re mature enough to handle sex/relationships? You’re 24, so I’ll assume the answer yes. Go get some.
If you desire a sexual or romantic relationship, near the top of the list of things that won’t help you is spending a lot of time reading or listening about other people having sex. Simply, it doesn’t get you closer to your goal.
What would get you closer is going out, trying to date, etc. However, I recognize that unlike listening to other people, these require effort and overcoming certain discomfort. I’m not blaming you if you’re intimidated, most guys in your position are, but I think you should realize what you’re asking about here doesn’t help at all to fulfill your underlying desires. It’s merely a distraction to partially satisfy your urges, but doesn’t lead you anywhere. Don’t get distracted, focus on the real thing.