I just often forget that there’s other person. I just talk about what I find interesting and don’t know how to validate at all. It’s like… egocentric? Everything is build around me and I don’t know how to turn spotlight on other person (while still being myself)
That’s why I’m not afraid of public speeches at all – it’s just me talking, I don’t have to think what other person is feeling and what would be nice for him to hear.
I can listen… I think? At least physically, I just don’t how to reply to let person know that I hear him.
4 comments
Ask questions
When the other person is talking just listen to him, dont judge or think about another thing when he/she is talking. Just listen and make interest for the other person, ask questions.
I am your polar opposite. My entire conversation strategy is predicated on asking questions and coaxing the other person into talking. But I can’t monologue for more than a couple minutes unscripted or without repeating myself.
As for advice try to be an active listener by nodding occasionally, repeating the last couple words of their sentences and asking follow up questions.
Are you at all interested in other people? If there’s someone you like, who you want to be friends or romantic partners with, you need to find the frame of mind where you are interested in *them,* not just the feeling of being liked yourself.
That’s the mistake a lot of guys make in dating; they’re so fixated on the desire to be liked that they hyperfocus on being likable/cool instead of *liking the other person,* and they end up shooting themselves in the foot by being self-centered.
Ask questions. If you’re interested in this person, platonically or romantically, don’t you want to get to know them better? Ask them to elaborate on the things they get excited about.