What are some ways I can break the touch barrier on the third date?

25 comments

1. “fist bumps and high fives on the second date”

   WTF? Is this some American thing?

2. Do it.

3. Did he tell you it was a date?

4. >I was thinking kissing him on the cheek(to be safe lol) when we do the hello hug next time

   i like this. he seems like a good guy who’s respecting your personal space and consent, that’s a very good sign. so now, you give him a “green light” signal.

   the cheek kiss right before you hug is a great way of doing that.

   and make sure you smile. give him a peck and a hug, then pull back, look in his eyes, and smile. you don’t have to be like MURRRRRRRR :DDDD like you’re a gawking moron, lol. just smile pleasantly and naturally 🙂

   ​

   women’s body language of consent is SO important, especially when we’re first getting to know each other.

   he needs to read from your body language “i’m happy and feel good about this physical contact, and i’m doing this voluntarily because i feel safe around you”, and that’s communicated by your open body language and smiling.

   apologies for adding this, but it’s important: it’s why eye contact during oral sex is such a turn-on. because it’s body language of consent.

   ​

   good on you for making this move, op. it takes guts, and i think he’ll appreciate you doing that 🙂

5. You could prolong the hello hug for a beat longer and see how he reacts. Hands, wrists and forearms are also neutral enough for touching a little longer than a casual brush (he can retract if it’s too uncomfortable for him). If he notices, you could make eye contact to show your intentions.

6. So my girlfriends always touched me…a lot. I’m not really funny but they laugh a lot and they put the hand on my shoulder, touch my chest, hold my arm, it gets weird when they start undressing me at the restaurant. But you have to start the touching thing. With all the scrutiny guys can get into these days i’m not surprised if he’s scared

7. Ask him to sign a sexual consent form, he should get the hint from that

8. He probably is just either really nervous, not confident, or doesn’t have much experience with typical dating physical-ness so don’t read too much into it as him not being interested in you.

9. Feel free to be bold and ask. On my first date with my now wife she straight up asked me for a goodnight kiss. I’d never had that happen before, but it immediately takes away all the pressure and worrying on the guys end.

10. Maybe I’m a lunatic, maybe im a whore, but this is some beautiful wholesome stuff. I didn’t realize there were women out there that put this much thought and effort into dating. I’m impressed.

    Okay, so my personal thing when going on a date, I ALWAYS sit next to my date, never across. This gives a ton of opportunity to read more body language, give “accidental” grazes or a touch in conversation. I do my best to read the signs and body language before sitting too close, or making and subtle moves. It’s always worked for me to get the best read on my date.

11. Just throw yourself at him. If he reciprocates, great. If he doesn’t, then I assume there won’t be a fourth date!

12. Also, there’s nothing wrong with simply asking “I’d really like to kiss you now, is that cool?” Honestly, who does that? It’s bold, but plainly communicates your desire and comfort while giving him the opportunity to decide if he’s there yet. That’s not something most men will hear (especially early on in the dating world), and it takes some courage to be that bold, but definitely wins you points.

    As a guy “using” this with women, it’s always been well received

13. I had a woman kiss me on the third date and then ask *’Do you have any condoms?’*

    Being a man it took me several minutes to put all the clues together.

14. He’s most likely being respectful to you and not wanting to go that quickly because of the way woman are in dating in this society. It’s always best to stay safe until she makes the move.

15. That’s usually a males’ problem

    I’ll say whatever kind of physical contact you do would be okay for him if he wanted the third date

16. Some classics:

    “My hands are cold”. If he still doesn’t get it “Can you hold them?”

    It’s stupid but “Haha your hands are so big/pretty/whatever, let’s compare”

    When you do the greeting/goodbye hug, just don’t let go.

    Sit next to him and just lean on him.

17. Some, well maybe most, guys don’t respond well to subtle. Goes right over our head.

18. my two cents (late20s, touch guarded male during early dating): maybe just playfully ask/proposal him. no need to guess if you can have an honest conversation about it: signals interest, confidence and desire to understand that man. best case: smooches

19. Just lean in for a kiss. It’s okay for a woman to make the first move.

20. As a guy if a date is going well for me but I struggle to turn the vibe from fun to sexy I just pull a poker face, look the girl dead in the eye and say the magic words

    Can I have a kiss?

    I wish I had known it was that easy 20 years ago

21. I had no idea how popular the fortune telling trick was 😁

22. There was a girl I liked many years ago, but I was pretty sure she didn’t like me that way. I had been told by some friends that she did, but it seemed like they were just seeing things not there, or maybe pranking me. One day she told me that I’d make a great boyfriend, and I interpreted that as “you’d be great for someone but not me,” and I nodded and turned to go. She literally grabbed my arm and pulled so I would turn back, and she said “You’d make a great boyfriend FOR ME.” I was very happy, and asked if she meant it, and she did. I was smiling, she was smiling, and then she said “So kiss me already.” I did.

    Maybe something like that would work for you. It worked for us: we’ve been married more than 40 years.

23. Just grab him who cares if no one makes a move the relationship won’t go anywhere

24. He’s most certainly being cautious. Any respectable man would, as we never want to come off as too eager or offend you with approaches that you haven’t shown signs of being ready for.

    Some modest adjustments. On your next hug, particularly the goodbye hug, hold him for a lot longer than usual. Rest your head on his chest/shoulder (depending on Height differences, I’m short af so women typically rest their head on my shoulder when standing). Wrap your arms around his waist and then depending on whether or not he’s wearing a jacket, lightly rub his back AND THEN plant the cheek kiss goodbye. The sensation will soothe him and clearly signal you’re ready for more sensual touches.

    Abrupt adjustments. No need to be subtle. No palm reading pretense necessary. Next time you’re on a stroll, just grab his hand. We appreciate the clear unquestionable signals. You want the world to know I’m your man and your mine, ok then. Let’s hold hands and walk. You will light him up like a Christmas tree.

    Goodbye hug, sensual version. You’ve had a lovely night and are admittedly excited. You may not necessarily want total intimacy, but you’re definitely aching for some touches. Slide his arms down to your ass or direct/suggest/request he grab it. If he hasn’t done it already, there’s strong chance he’s wanted to. I always love when I am told I can or my hands are forced there, because again, I don’t know if you’re wanting me to and don’t want to come off in an uncomfortable way. Just had a date last week where after our dinner we went to her place and I gave her a big hug as she wore a very nice tight dress. We swayed. She blurted “I literally want you to touch it. It’s okay to touch it.” Did I slide my hands down and squeeze those buns from heaven? Why yes I did. It made the next time we goodbye-hugged on another date go smoother. Grabbed a handful, kissed and ultimately built into intimacy. I now know, any time we hug she doesn’t mind me getting a feel.

    Again, any respectable man is being cautious. A gentleman is awaiting cues and other strongly suggestive stimuli if not outright direction of what behaviors you find acceptable or desire. It’s somewhat a kind of behavior training. Want me to go and get the food we’ve ordered after intimacy? A. Ask me to. B. Don’t get clothed after the notification that the food has arrived. Either way I will know I need to throw something on and get it for us. Things like that.

25. Anything less than, maybe, slipping a finger up his butt unannounced is probably welcomed.