My husband and I are going through a hard time. He has been sick, and I have been dealing with a roller coaster of emotions because of my family. My sister is an addict. She overdosed last night and thank God, the doctors were able to bring her back. It was the last straw for me, so I asked for a day off of work and asked my husband if I can relax as well. He became really upset, asking me “where is my wife?” He also said that I’m overreacting and I need to “get over myself” and that I’m being selfish. He said he’s been sick and I need to cry for him, not my sister.
I understand he feels neglected, I’m trying hard to process my emotions around my family and take care of him. We do not have any kids yet and have been married for 5 months. He seems to not care much about my sister and says “she did it to herself.”
When I ask him how I can make it up to him, he gets even more upset and asks “do I have to tell you how to be a good wife?”
I’m confused, and I don’t know how to calm him down. I cannot read his mind, it’s like I have to figure all of this out on my own without any communication from him about what he needs.
Any advice would be appreciated.
3 comments
Why does he feel neglected? What does he expect from you?
Either way, he doesn’t sound like he’s very nice to you or does a good job of communicating what he expects.
Ultimately, he should tell you how to be a good wife to him by communicating his needs and expectations. This isn’t fair to either of you to put this “solution” on you alone. He seems to envy the sorrow you feel about your sisters circumstance. He also seems to be lacking empathy for her life and near death, which she has probably put you through before ( & might again). Family should not be a higher priority than your marriage, but you do deserve to hold space for them and feel all your feelings. Therapy would be helpful, especially with the feeling that you’re doing this alone. Perhaps even couples counseling before this develops into a larger issue and a bubble of resentment waiting to burst. Please work this out before procreating with him, or he will guilt trip you about caring more for your kids than him too and that is no good for any of you. You deserve better. it will take work. Stay strong and practice your communication with your husband in the calm and intense moments. Sometimes walking away then revisiting is the only way to have a productive conversation.
I’ve married for 1 year going on 2, together for 4. We still find new ways to better communicate every day and we still fight when emotions and stresses are high. Marriage is hard, but ultimately it’s worth fighting for if that’s who you want to build a life with.
Those are disgusting things to say to anyone, let alone your life partner. His lack of empathy for someone he supposedly loves is horrifying.