hi there, this is one of my first posts on reddit and I am looking fir any advice or guidance on this certain topic.
So my(18m) girlfriend(18f) have been trying to have sex when an opportunity presents itself. However we have found it difficult as her vagina is tight. Not so tight that I cannot get anything inside, but tight enough that it hurts when I barely place the tip in.
I am slightly above average I believe with around 6 inches. We have tried fingering first, we read somewhere that when you can successfully fit 3 fingers inside you would be ready for sex but I dont know if thats reliable. Nonetheless it has not been working as of recent and it has had great affects on her mental wellbeing.
She believes she is letting me down and that eventually I will leave because of her ‘inability to have sex’. She has spiralled and is worried that she may never be able to have sex and after our last previous attempt she broke down crying as I held her and tried to assure her nothing is wrong with her. Overall she blames herself and believes there is something wrong with her which i refuse to believe because this is normal right?
She has not had any issues or medical problems regarding her genitalia in the past and is healthy as far as 18 year old girls go.
I would just like to know if this is a normal thing or not? what kinds of things can be done to eventually be able to have intercourse and any advice on how I can be a good bf and console and reassure her if she spirals again. I really love her and sex is not a priority in our relationship but she fears it will be and will drive me away.
Thanks,
8 comments
>tight enough that it hurts when I barely place the tip in.
Does it feel like you’re “hitting a wall”?
This feeling followed by pain is typically a symptom of pelvic floor dysfunction. In extreme cases its called vaginismus. It’s totally treatable and she can see a pelvic floor therapist for it. The pelvic floor are the muscles that surround the vagina and in some people they can tense up whenever anything goes inside. Pelvic floor therapy will help correct that.
Since you’ve tried fingering and probably lube, I think looking into pelvic floor issues is not a bad next step.
Honestly the same thing happened when I had my first time for us it worked in cowgirl and while it hurt alot we just eased into it, remember if she hasn’t had sex before her body isn’t used to anything being in there so maybe try with her being in control
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It could just be nerves. I was nervous as heck my first time and it hurt a decent amount. Be patient with her and let sex be a playful thing. If she’s crying after an attempt just spend some time reassuring her, cuddling her, etc…
Over time she’ll be able to relax with you enough that it’ll happen.
This is pretty common. Check the r/sex[FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/wiki/index?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
The nutshell answer is you probably need to look into some combination of four things:
1) extensive foreplay to maximize arousal,
2) make sure she has at least one orgasm to relax her before trying PiV,
3) pelvic floor stretching & relaxing exercises, and
4) patiently and gently stretching her with a set of dilators of increasing size.
Lube lube lube, slow slow slow. These things take time. My wife and I had this exact problem. It will take time but y’all can do it. It took a couple months for us . Just go slow, spend some time getting her ready to except bigger size.
This is very common, had the same issue when I first started having sex as a teenager, litterally couldn’t get a finger in. Went to see a gyney who told me about vaginismus. He basically told me: don’t see this as a condition or a dysfunction you have, you’ve got a great vagina, perfectly normal and healthy, it’s just a blockage in your brain causing your muscles to tense up.
Hearing that helped a lot, although it didn’t immediately solve the problem. About a month later, something happened to me which I don’t recommend, but it did the trick because I realised I wasn’t actually “tight” or “closed” or any other of those mental images. All I needed was that to click in my mind and then I never struggled with it again.
It sounds like her mind is running like a pressure cooker and she just needs to relax. Show her your love for her isn’t conditional on PIV. Let her know there’s nothing wrong with her. Spend time just on her, worship every part of her body, go down on her, make her feel you’ve got all the time in the world and you’re not expecting anything from her. Make her feel your relationship is solid regardless of this.
If it persists, take her to a gyney but hey she’ll come round eventually, there’s nothing to worry about.
Anxiety and performance are vicious cycle. Need to break it by building up comfort with time. Spend time naked, spend time touching, spend time penetrating. Don’t make it a regiment, where here penis comes and vagina must be ready. Instead make it a game, touch her with your tip, rub her with your tip, insert bit and pull out. Don’t set goals, don’t label any result as failure. Accept the fact that some things may happen and others may not. Make all of above a long process of pleasure, of intimacy. The trick about anxiety and tightness is that you can only keep them up so much in the absence of threat and failure.