This story is a bit complicated so bear with me, please.
I met this girl a few months ago through a mutual friend and we really hit it off; we both recently got out of relationships. Her relationship was considerably longer than mine and her ex was verbally abusive. We used to text all day long and call every night and went on dates, so essentially acted as a couple for months. She told me that she wasn’t seeing anyone else but she later confessed that she was sleeping with another guy (23 M) and going out on dates with him too. She said she couldn’t decide between the two of us and that she didn’t want to be in a relationship at all since she is still healing from her ex.
I was obviously really hurt by this so I gave her space. I reached out again and we started talking, she told me she ended things with the other guy. Turns out she lied. We had plans to go to dinner and we met up for around 30 minutes but she told me that she actually made plans to see her friends instead and had to cancel dinner. I thought something was fishy and asked her if she actually went out to see the other guy (she was acting a bit off, and looked really pretty and dressed up).
She did. I was so hurt by this but at the end of the day, I texted her and said that it was okay and that I still want to continue seeing her because I really, truly liked this girl. Her response was to end things with me over text that night and ghosted me after I asked to talk more about the situation.
She reached out to me around a week later (don’t know what happened with the other guy) and we made plans for us to go on a trip together to a city that’s a few hours away, as she has friends there. The trip went well and I asked her to be my girlfriend in the end and she rejected me. Yes, the flight back was awkward.
I’d like to mention that we are both good-looking and are popular with the other gender (just saying this because it’s not like I am desperate and can’t get girls, I was just super into this particular girl)
But after she rejected me, she asked if we can still be fwb and I don’t know anymore. Would I be stupid if I continued this relationship? My friends say she is abusive and toxic, but I still don’t know (probably seeing through rose-colored glasses) She said she might be open to a relationship in the future, should I keep pursuing this?
TLDR; this girl I was seeing was sleeping with another guy and rejected me, but wants to keep hooking up, would I be dumb if I agreed?
2 comments
I mean it definitely seems like she doesn’t want a relationship with you. Though if you are cool with a FWB thing, it seems fine. If your plan is for her to reconsider, then yes a waste of time.
your friends are right. She is toxic. You’ve caught her lying multiple times when there was no need to do that. If she wanted fwb she should have been upfront and not played with your feelings.
I get that you have no issues attracting women, which makes this more confusing. What about her is missing from your life that is making you participate in a toxic situation?
Do you have abandonment issues? Are you anxiously attached? Or is there something about her that represents what you’re missing in life?
Ex. I was attracted to my toxic ex because he represented success. When I came to terms with that I was able to develop that in myself and be less attracted to him.
Ex.2 a friend of mine is very beautiful, successful, smart but was obsessed with this deadbeat artist guy. Later she figured out she liked him because he represented freedom and creativity- things that were missing in her life.
So ask yourself…what does she represent to you and why is it lacking in your life.
Because it is not healthy to be so into someone who keeps mistreating us. I truly hope you figure things out and let this girl go.