It’s my boyfriend’s best friend (let’s call him Sam). I’ve hung out with him a handful of times at the local bar. I wanted to text him but my boyfriend said Sam asked to be left alone and even turned down my bf who wanted to come over. His mother died young (42) from liver failure caused by alcoholism.
I’m from a culture that’s very social and intense about things like this and there are a ton of rules, but I’m not sure what’s appropriate among caucasians in Canada. The funeral’s not planned yet but my bf says it’ll probably just be for family, and that I can offer condolences whenever I see him next. But that may be a long time from now and it would make me extremely uncomfortable because where I’m from it’s very inappropriate to mention a family death more than 2 weeks or so after the fact, and it’s not really a good thing to bring up at a bar or something.
I’m thinking of sending over a small bouquet of white flowers to his house, would that be weird? I feel terrible for him and want to do something but also don’t want to overstep.
1 comment
If he wants to be left alone, it sounds like flowers would be an overstep. Listen to your boyfriend – it’s important to consider first the bereaved person’s feelings, not your own anxiety about your own cultural norms. Don’t worry about offering condolences “too late’ either. You sound very kind and empathetic, so when the time is right I am sure he will appreciate your support and kind words 🙂