Basically I’m 32 and I have autism. I feel so uninterested in people (even before lockdowns). Working from home I almost never go anywhere and I dislike my city passionately.
I have no real interests outside of buying my own house and my parents only care about me finding someone to marry. I don’t want that in my life and I have no idea what they expect me to do as I get older.
My family wants me to socialize but I’ve kind of gotten to the point where I just wanna stay home and not interact with others. Big social events take a lot of my energy out and I’m at a point where I don’t think people have much to offer to me.
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Do you live alone or with your parents? I’m the same age as you and have the same ideologies but am living in my own home. I decline calls from my parents if I don’t feel like listening to them hassle me about marriage.
There is no One Right Way to do anything in life.
Having the capacity to be social in any shape or form is also a completely different question from Do I Enjoy Being Social?
You say you have no real interests, but I don’t believe that. If it were true, then my mental image of your daily life is of waking up, going to work, getting off work, and sitting and staring at a wall until you eat dinner then more staring before bed.
Having written that, if that’s a thing you enjoy, then keep doing it. You are in charge of what you do and how you do it.
I’ve found a few online forums that I am active in that are tied to some of my interests, and for the most part that is enough for me. I don’t like big parties either, I don’t really drink so bars are a wash, concerts can be neat but again noise and people… you and I may not be the same, but I feel we’re certainly similar.
My biggest piece of advice would be to try something new. Doesn’t have to be a social thing, doesn’t have to be a anything in particular. And don’t look at it as “This will make me happy!” That is assuming the outcome before the work. Be Willing in your actions, that something may not catch your interest and that is okay, or maybe it does and now you have something new to do. I would never have considered baking to be a thing I would enjoy, and yet I now have a box of cookie recipes that I’ve come up with over the years. Sometimes I share them, and sometimes I just make them for myself. I deserve to be happy doing something I’m interested in, and so do you.
Additionally, new hobbies and interests may provide a more desirable foundation for interaction than you have currently; a different lense to possibly see another way in which social activities could add value to your life.
I agree completely, my mind is always filled with all the horrible things people do and so when I see people act ignorantly regarding this gauche society, I’m triggered and incapable of empathizing with someone. Everyone and everything is toxic, and I don’t see anyone doing a damn thing to make things better.
I understand where you’re coming from in a lot of ways, I guess I would just say I don’t think you’ve thought very far ahead. When your family isn’t around anymore it will get very lonely. You feel ok not socializing because you have that support structure, but it won’t be there forever. If you put in a little work now to find some friends nearby, it can pay off significantly in the future for you.
And you really don’t have to go to big social events or try and date someone to accomplish this. Working from home gives you the freedom to explore a lot more. Find a place where you feel comfortable doing your thing in a public space, like a coffee shop or book store or library, and just hang out there instead of at home. You don’t have to interact with people but interactions will happen naturally as you get more comfortable in that environment.
How about you get over your disdain for other people.
You are allowed to live a quiet, peaceful, and private existence. You don’t necessarily need to socialize for your own joy or to contribute to society, your parents can’t comprehend this because their love for you turns inward as they want to interact with you more and likely want/have always planned to see more in you that parallels to their own social growth histories. Continue to work on your home-owning goal, but perhaps consider renting an apartment unit somewhere so you can experience solo living firsthand, and gauge your feelings and goals then. If you job is remote, consider moving to an even more remote location where cost of living is low, so you can continue to save while accessing cheaper rents. Solo-living experience is incredibly important, and can help inform your future needs/desires.
If you are only planning on socialising to meet your family’s requirements then I would advise against it. I assume you are aware of the strength of the word ‘disdain’ (if you don’t, I would consider looking it up) and I think most people would be very upset if they found out someone was only trying to befriend them or spend time with them to meet some sort of quota.
People’s families often make demands of them on the basis of trying to make sure they have a normal and happy life. Your main goal should probably be to redirect their efforts and show them you can be happy without having to join the local knitting club.
I once was very anti social and honestly just hated people.
Eventually I got envious of those who could socialize normally, and asked an extremely extroverted coworker if he was always that social.
He told me he used to be super shy, but started putting himself out there in high school and changed himself.
He told me what I will tell you.
You can be whoever you want to be, social or unsocial. It’s okay either way, so long as you are working towards your personal goal for yourself.
I decided to work on my social skills and started a sales job (worst job ever for someone like me)
I have since become really great socially and everyone I know sees me as extremely extroverted and confident.
It took years of work, but it’s what I wanted for myself.
Whatever goal you have in mind, go for it. If it doesn’t involve being overly social or getting married right now, that is fine.
You can be confident in yourself either way, keep working toward your goals, you got this 💪
Try psychedelics
Myself, I still say stupid shit but it’s nessacary to deal with people. You just have to do it like it or not. Best way is to learn the ability to SEEM like you care even if you don’t. It’s difficult but you can learn.
I’m on the spectrum. I’m around the same age and live alone and don’t mind my city but feel the same way. Socializing is draining emotionally/mentally and I don’t have any extra energy right now. I don’t really think you should try to socialize to make someone else happy because it never ends there. Also the people you socialize with will be able to tell you aren’t interested and it may hurt their feelings.
I have never related to a post so much. Same here on all fronts.