Hello, it is 1am right now and so please pardon typos or if anything sounds a bit unhinged. I will correct it when i get up tomorrow or add any necessary edits. I suppose this is both me seeking advice and venting.
So.. im 27 and have never had sex. It was a conscious decision at first being raised in a slightly(?) conservative family. Heck, ive never even fingered myself during masturbation or had ANYHTING inserted in there. At this point, im afraid to do anything and of the potential pain when the time comes for something to happen. Whenever im in the mood, i try and work up the courage to insert a finger but i dont know anything about how stuff functions down there, which makes me sound incredibly stupid because im a woman and i dont even know my own body.
I wish i had a partner who has more experience and can help me figure this out together but I dont, because I’ve never even dated before either and i dont know how to even start, let alone find for someone I can trust and feel comfortable exploring with.
I want to try these things and discover myself and what I like. I want these experiences so badly because I feel like I’ve missed out on a lot. Dont get me wrong, im not feeling pressured into it or anything, but I just want to try and do it and see what i like. Masturbation for me is mostly some stimulation near what I ASSUME is my clit (because how tf would ai lnow at this point – there is no sex ed in schools here and no way of knowing much. My mum is super open but it’s an uncomfortable topic for me to bring up with her) and so it is safe to say that I dont think I’ve ever really had a proper orgasm either.
Some days (especially lately) I just want a release and some relief and I can’t even give myself that. It truly makes me so fucking sad because I have no idea what to do about it. I dont know where to start either.
I will probably add more tomorrow but I just needed to get this off my chest tonight because i feel worse right now somehow.
4 comments
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I feel for you. Not having sex for a long time / ever makes a kind of sadness that people who don’t endure it can’t really understand.
Look up some good scientific information about your body. eg Wikipedia has a great page on the clitoris. Stick to scientific stuff – not so called internet / tv ‘sexperts’ who will make you feel inadequate. Don’t fall for these people’s obsessions with G spots, P spots or any other spots, different so called ‘types’ of orgasms, blah blah! Most of it is unscentific twaddle.
Get a mirror and have a good look at yourself down there. Touch yourself in a relaxed way when you aren’t stressed out. Feel around for the structures you see on the Wikipedia page and put your fingers inside. You can’t hurt yourself, assuming your hands are clean and you don’t have long talon nails! Get some lube from a pharmacy if you can for this. Try to get in touch with your pelvic floor muscles (see websites on Kegel exercises). Knowing that your vagina is muscular and strong will make you feel more confident in it and what it can do. Don’t be afraid of pain. First time sex does NOT necessarily hurt. Pain makes fear and fear makes pain and so on.
I wrote a post under another account name on how to have an orgasm, I will try to find it.
Big hugs
All things equal, there’s just you. You’re born alone, and you’ll die alone. Make the best of it for yourself.
I grew up in a sex negative family. Even having a high libido, I felt negatively about sex most of my life. Don’t waste it having someone else’s morals rule your own.
Don’t feel like you’re missing out you’re so young and there’s so much time to figure out what you like and how you want to live. It’s never too late