My (23f) boyfriend (25m) and I cuddling watching a movie and out of nowhere he asks if I would be down for a threesome, that was out character for him, and so random, I spent the next few minutes trying to figure out if he was being serious. He was.
I asked did he have someone in mind and he said no, but a guy. Again I was really caught off guard. My very straight and masc boyfriend wants tma threesome with a guy? So again I spent the next few minutes trying to figure out if he just wanted to see another guy do me, or if he also wanted to do things with the guy. He also wants to do things with the guy.
I said I guess, and he pulled out his phone and started showed me bisexual men on grinder, while reassuring me he hadn’t engaged these men at all yet.
I don’t know what to do, I said “‘I guess”, and now he’s excited and I didn’t even mean it. And him wanting to do with a man is confusing the hell out me, is gay? Is bored of me? Any advice?
39 comments
I don’t know how to say it, I may not be able to accept this request, I will also doubt whether he loves me, I can accept toys, but I cannot accept another man.
You have to have that conversatiom with him. He might want to explore his sexuality, he might want to spice things up which doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you.
If you don’t actually want a threesome you need to clearly communicate it. You just agreed to it so he will be trying to set it up if you don’t say anything else.
Sorry baby. He’s gay. No straight men have grindr. I only know of grindr. Because of an RN co worker of mine told me about his “booty app” 🤣 dudes hella funny. But that’s how I know about it.
He’s probably just bi curious and wants to give it a go but to where it’s enjoyable for you as well. If he’s with you, then he’s NOT gay.
You know how you feel about a threesome better than anyone. I’ve had more threesomes and foursomes, in every possible configuration that you can count and, it you don’t want to do it, I would highly suggest that you don’t. If you do, maybe would like to try some DP, then go for it.
why did your boyfriend have grindr already on his phone if he had just brought up the threesome idea with you? seems like he got started without you… red flag
I would have more of a problem with the fact he already downloaded Grindr/made an account without even asking you first. Would he have just not told you, and what would he have done with it if had you said no during this conversation?
I get this caught you off guard and he should have talked to you more maturely about what he’s fantasizing without approaching you about a threesome and making you provide a yes or no answer. This deserves far more conversation than that. There’s nothing wrong with saying no. Even if you use a condom there is still plenty of risk you are taking.
Ok the question here is how u you with what was told he’s had thoughts for some time. If this is something you aren’t into break up he will act on it he’s on Grindr and that place is a meat market. He’s already on it. Be safe if u do choose to play in a three some. With that said it’s the hottest thing in the world sucking sick with your partner Is fucking u cane be fun
In my mind, it depends on what kind of relationship you want longterm because this is possibly setting the stage for longterm. I do believe he can love you and want this but might have a tendency to complicate your emotional future lives.
You had my upvote, until you said:
>is gay?
Hellooooo, bisexual men exist as well (like myself). Also, maybe he’s not bisexual, but just curious on exploring a new thing. This is very much normalized for women, by the way, but there are just as many bi-men as bi-women.
I think one of the best times to talk about sex is ‘out of nowhere’. Not just before, after or during sex. He probably had been thinking about this for a while and put himself in a very vulnerable situation. And he put you in a vulnerable position as well, of course.
You clearly haven’t made up your mind. So I think you need to talk to him about this and at least say that you’ll think about it and not sure (yet) what to do.
My wife and I enjoy the occasional threesome with an extra man. It’s fun ’cause everybody can touch everybody, and when one of us needs a break or just wants to watch for a minute: that’s perfectly fine for all three of us. We have had a few boring threesomes, but now have at least one regular partner joining in every few months.
Is he taking steroids or antidepressants, or dealing with any drug issues?
number one= dont say “i guess” if you mean no. no means no, i guess basically means yes.
Maybe the next movie you watch can be ” y tu mama tambien”
He’s obviously bi or atleast bi curious. If you’re into the idea of a threesome then go for it. Have a conversation, set some rules.
If you’re not into it, tell him. Don’t do it unless you’re comfortable.
>already has Grindr installed
I mean he’s definitely not straight. This feels like something he’s planned to bring up for a while if he’s already got Grindr installed for the sake of showing you guys.
Your boyfriend has Grindr on his phone? hahahaha sorry but thats funny as hell
Some men change their mind after the first time, either if it’s just a straight mmf or a bisexual mmf, you can find men regretting a cuckold experience
Hardly anyone is 100% straight. Maybe he was turned on by MMF porn?
I got involved in a surprise threesome [MMF]. My married friends started getting all lovey-dovey with each other and gave me 3 options. I choose to join.
The rules were established at the start:
She didn’t blow anyone.
The guys would follow her lead and do as she asked. Basically kiss and caress her, go down on her, then when she was ready for PIV. we’d take turns.
Her husband was masc and straight, so was I at the time [Over the years, I went from straight to bi ].
We men kept to our side of her, I had her left, he her right. It was like there was an invisible barrier.
But over all she called the shots and we listened to her.
The best part was that they taught me how to go down on a woman properly [I was 22 at the time and she was my second sexual partner].
The red flag is he had the app already and had guys in mind????
I have to giggle cuz this almost reads ass “help my boyfriend might be gay” but the thing is it’s okay for a man to explore and they don’t have to be gay.
But to give you real advice. Talk to him. You should’ve done it right there but bring it bacc up and let him know you weren’t being honest and (if you WOULD do it) you need to talk more about it and about him if it bothers you. That way you can see where his head is at and you can make a honest decision from there. Don’t do what you don’t want to do and don’t punish your man because he’s found out something about himself (like that maybe he likes playing with men with you)
Small YTA just because you said “I guess” and you didn’t even mean it, learn to say what you mean and if you’re caught off guard just tell people you need time to think about it. But I’d say he’s an AH for downloading Grindr and browsing through men before even talking to you about it. and the way he presented this very big conversation wasn’t the best either
what did i just read
This is not going to end well.
I’m so sick of women on here calling there men gay because they want to explore being bi
Meh. He wants to suck a dick. He’s bisexual.
Have fun.
Him being curious about having a threesome and engaging with another guy isn’t really the concern but the fact that he already had Grindr downloaded and had already started chatting with different men is problematic.
He should have asked you first if you’d even been interested and then you guys collectively decide on the best way to approach it, but now I’d questions his intentions.
Watch him get jealous lol when 3rd party makes u cum
If it’s not a fuck yes , it’s a fuck no.
It’s not the asking for a threesome that’s problematic, it’s the fact he already has Grindr on his phone without consulting you.
He’s very likely bisexual. Very “straight” and “masculine” people can be bisexual.
Might not be gay but he sure af ain’t straight.
You’re boyfriend is likely curious about sex with men and is wanting a threesome with you and a man to get some first hand experience probably best have an honest sit down conversation with him and then decide if this experiment is really for you or not.
Could be bisexual but heteroromantic. I think you just need some clarification. Also, why does he have a dating account he didn’t tell you about?
Don’t do it if you don’t want to do it, but even if you agree think very hard about tiptoeing up to it.
For example, maybe go out someplace where you both can flirt with other people in front of the other. If you find that one or both of you can’t handle the jealousy from that, actual sex in front of each other is going to be worse and maybe you want to call it or just stay at that step for a bit and get comfortable with it, depending on how you both feel.
Talk a lot! Ask questions. Express your feelings.
>I said I guess, and he pulled out his phone and started showed me bisexual men on grinder
Just like that?? Dude’s been on the apps and looking, without asking you first??
>reassuring me he hadn’t engaged these men at all yet.
Yeah right.
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How long have you two been together?
You need to have an open and honest conversation with your bf sooner rather than later. 3 soms should be done ONLY if all participants are 100% in! You don’t sound like you’re remotely 10% in and should put a stop on his fantasy before he brings home a dude for you to play with, cause looking at his track record so far he just might.
He’s not gay he could be bi or pan but you will have to ask him that. As to if he’s bored of you, again have to ask him that. Maybe he feels safe exploring his sexuality with you which is why he asked for this. Being bisexual is still a stigma for men and they face a lot of discrimination for it even within the lgbtqia community, so him being open about it with you is a positive thing in my opinion, not a negative one.
Well, he’s bi and probably has never been with a man. At a guess, he loves you and wouldn’t want to experiment without you. If you’re up for it, say yes.
The fact that he’s approaching you with this and isn’t just out cheating is a really encouraging sign.
Consider saying yes, but set boundaries and expectations, don’t do this in impulse. Strict monogamy is a purely social construct and isn’t very natural. It isn’t nearly as important as a loving and healthy relationship.
EDIT: typo
Oh girl I would pay money to be in your situation.
If you don’t want a threesome don’t have one. I wouldn’t automatically assume he’s bored with you but I would be upset over the fact he’s on a dating site without discussing it with me first. But yes tell him about your apprehensions.