I (F18)have a boyfriend (M18)I have had for two years, and he is no longer present with me. He loves me and treats me well and has been there for me a lot. He’s so kind to me a majority of the time and does try to show love, but we don’t have a lot of conversations and he doesn’t take much interest in things I take interest in. For example, I will talk about my day or something that I enjoyed, and he doesn’t really say much or pitch in on the conversation, he’s nice about it, but obviously not listening to what I have to say. He also tends to not make me feel great about the sport I play when he attends my games because he is either just on his phone or he criticizes me or my team. I have talked to him multiple times about this to the point I no longer invite him to these games so I don’t have to deal with judgement. He also is not going on the best path with his depression. He won’t try to get help, and I can’t do it for him. This has caused him to go weed and alcohol as a vice, even resorting to selling drugs to make money. I have told him about how all of these things concern me but he either makes it seem like it isn’t a problem, he says it will be fixed and it never happens, or he just changes the subject. I have a feeling this will become addiction because of the multiple times he has said he will slow down or stop, but within a week it is back to the same old. A guy at work is starting to take interest in me, and is older than me. I am 18 and he is 25. He didn’t know I wasn’t in my 20s until after taking interest in me for perspective and why he isn’t a creep. He has treated me with the most respect I have ever received from a person and honestly has been mature with me which I don’t get from my current boyfriend. I am starting to catch feelings because he really treats me more of the way I want to be treated. My issue is that my current boyfriend has all of my friends and what I have been comfortable with for so long. I feel like my entire life and plans will change. I already have a future planned with my current boyfriend and I love him dearly, hurting him seems cruel, but I also don’t want to feel alone in a relationship. What do I do?
TLDR Summary: Boyfriend M18 and I F18 are not in the same place we used to be, struggling to communicate and keep interest. I am catching feelings for an older coworker that is treating me better in the aspects I need. I don’t want to hurt my current boyfriend or ruin what life plans I have already made with him. I feel ashamed. What do I do?
4 comments
It sounds like you are only staying with your boyfriend out of convenience. If this is true, you should consider breaking up, because you are only 18 and you shouldn’t settle for someone who doesn’t share any of your interests.
You also shouldn’t even consider a relationship with your coworker, because he is a coworker, and because you are only 18.
Now, I could write half a page on why, but I don’t want to waste too much of my lifetime on your guy. And so shouldn’t you.
Break up with him.
You are not his therapist.
To provide a little perspective, you’ve dated this guy from 16-18 and at this point he a) doesn’t particularly seem interested in you or your life or interests, b) has mental health issues he’s refusing to deal with other than by self-medicating with the drugs he’s dealing, and c) generally seems checked out and not good for you. This sounds like a relationship that’s run its course; you’ve grown apart, which is an extremely normal thing to happen between 16 and 18, and it’s okay to end a relationship that isn’t working. You don’t have to queue up a replacement first, or wait for things to be “bad enough” to have permission.
> My issue is that my current boyfriend has all of my friends and what I have been comfortable with for so long.
It’s been two years. Do you have no friends who’ll still be your friend if you end a two-year relationship?
> I feel like my entire life and plans will change. I already have a future planned with my current boyfriend
Of course your plans for your future will change. It would be absurd to expect plans you made at sixteen to stay intact.
It is okay to re-evaluate your decisions as you grow as a person and learn more, and as circumstances change.
Break up with your boyfriend, because it sounds like that relationship has serious issues that he isn’t going to work on. Do not date your coworker, because it would be a terrible idea on several levels, and would be worse if you use it as an excuse to leave your current relationship (and then feel guilty over that). These are two separate things, there’s no need to join them in your thinking.
You were 16 when you got together. How do you even plan a life at 16? Jesus, I was busy using a falsely acquired id-card to get into the clubs in town and swooning over the pretty boy in school who couldn’t get in.
Your childhood boyfriend is soon to be your ex boyfriend. That is all well and good. But the fact that a 25 year old adult “didn’t know” your age but when he found out, didn’t run like hell, says something about him. It really does. Would you consider dating a 15 year old boy? And I’m being generous here with the age difference.
Use your single time to find yourself. Preferrably take up some martial art classes to get to know your body and learn how to protect yourself. And, yeah, do not hook up with that elderly man.