My boyfriend (32M) and I (31F) are from the same city and live in a foreign country since 2017. We met eachother here and I was happy to find someone who could speak the same language and share similar experiences, we’ve been already 4 years together.
He told me when we met he had dealt with Drug addiction as teenager but he told me it was a lot of years ago and he was sober and healthy, with time though I realised he liked to take LCD sometimes and extasis, and he doesn’t drink but when he does, he doesn’t stop. I talked with him about my worries and he said he only does it sometimes and he avoided situations where alcohol were present. he also has Aspergers but other than the usual (difficulty socializing, and understanding the feelings of others etc. ) He did pretty well and tries always new hobbies and sports. Our relationship was a bit difficult at he beginning because of his lack of communication but with time we could understand eachother better.
One year ago though he received bad news from home: his mother has cancer. We both went to nursing school here and he was close to finishing school and was in finals. It was a really difficult time for him and he started to behave weird, was always sleepy, he couldn’t talk to me and after some weeks I found him lying on the floor and I could only barely wake him up. He was taking a mix of different medicaments (Benzodiazepines and others wich he wouldn’t exactly mention). He said he needed it to deal with his problems. I tried to help him, contacted his family, looked for therapy and he didn’t want any of that until I said I wasn’t dealing with him (my father was an alcoholic and he used beat my mom, he recovered but I still have the trauma of all that) I threatened him with leaving he didn’t care, and I left… Short after that he asked for forgiveness and then agreed to therapy.
He stayed clean a couple of months, but he stopped quickly going to therapy, he said sport was the only therapy he needed and as he stayed sober ( for a while) I thought it was ok. We fought every time he did LCD, which he started to do more often and then last week he started again with the somnolent behaviour and I knew he was again taking medications… I confronted him, he said I was making everything up, he even went to work like that (he is already a RN) and I said it was dangerous to treat patients like that, but he gaslighted me saying I was crazy. I threatened him again and then he confessed what he was taking, I asked him to be sober the next day to talk and seek for help together or something, and that just didn’t happen…I haven’t seen him sober one day the whole week. I have night shifts this week and every time I come home I find him like this.
Today I left crying when I saw him and I said to him I didn’t want to see him anymore and when I came back he had taken a bunch of pills…. I had to call to emergency and took him to the hospital. He was awake but he couldn’t speak fluently… I understood what he said to me tho….. he insulted me for leaving him and then suddenly cried asking for forgiveness. At the hospital they checked him and found out he didn’t take enough substances to be in danger and he even said to the doctor In front of me he did so, so I didn’t leave him. They sent him to a psychiatric ward and before I left he told me he was gonna change and that he needed me.
I am devastated… Other than my best friend…and him, I have nobody here. My sister moves in hier soon…but my parents are so far away and I feel so lonely, I don’t want to deal with this anymore, I love him but this is destroying me and I have the feeling if I stay with him this is never gonna change and I already have the feeling I am very patient and try to understand him, but I am already 31, I want a family and I can’t imagine that with him anymore.
I’m writing this from work, I haven’t slept in days, I’m so tired.
I’m sorry if my redaction is not the best. English is not my first language, nor my second.
4 comments
It does sound like leaving him is your best option. You also need to let work know that he’s been taking drugs and working. He could kill someone. That would truly be terrible.
I imagine you are just physically and emotionally exhausted. Pack your things and find a place to live and go to therapy on your own. You’ll be ok. Without the emotional overhead of this guy you will have time to make friends and find people to spend time with. You can join meetups or get a new hobby.
As for having a family, I know many, many women who married and started families in their late thirties so you have time. Do Not have a child with that trainwreck.
I am angry for you that this guy tried to use suicide to keep you. He is manipulative and dangerous. Please get out of there.
Take care of yourself and be careful. Someone who will try suicide may also try to hurt you. Please be wary and take care of you. Sending you warm thoughts.
He’s a drug addict. He shouldn’t be working as an RN. Where is he getting the damn drugs. Are you sure this isn’t fentanyl?
I think you need to leave…. Maybe it might be good to go back to your family and help you mend yourself from all the trauma. You can’t be expected to be someone’s happiness. Get away from his toxicity and fast!
Leave him now while he’s under Psychiatric care at the hospital. They will take care of him. Tell them you’re not coming back and you don’t want to be with him anymore. Then block him, his family, and his friends. He needs professional help. You can’t help him and he will drag you down with him.