My bf(24m) and I (20f) just recently started dating, but I’ve never been more triggered.
We have a really good and healthy relationship, loads of communication, respect, boundaries etc we’re both actively working hard to make our relationship something good. But I get triggered and a lot, it’s tiring, I normally recognize my feelings at the moment but sometimes I just kinda lash out on my bf and when I realize how mean I was I normally apologize and work through it so it doesn’t happen again but that’s not the hard part, what’s hard is when I’m triggered and everything in me wants to react and I just have to hold it in and choose something healthy
People don’t tell you how triggering a healthy relationship is, I’ve gone through the motions thinking that maybe I don’t love my partner or that maybe we weren’t made for each other etc. My body and mind are so used to being unhealthily attached to someone that not having the high and all that toxic stuff feels off and I literally have to remind myself that I’m in a healthy relationship and my bf is lacking in nothing and that the problem is actually me and my traumatic past and that I have no logical reason to leave.
I don’t know how to get through this, people don’t talk about this and there aren’t that much advice
4 comments
>I don’t know how to get through this,
Here’s the thing. Very few people can get through this by themselves. You need professional help. If you can’t afford it, there should be community outreach counsellors or equivalent depending on the size of your population centre. If you’re still in school, there are student counsellors as well.
Honestly, time alone and professional therapy. My partner was in the same situation almost exactly. give yourself time to process how you feel while on your own and when you’re comfortable enough, you can tell him how you feel and work together to find a solution that will stabilize that reaction. Take time to find yourself. You two are healthy so things will heal in time.
It sounds like you need to be single. I’m not saying this to be mean but it sounds Like you need to work on yourself before going in to a new relationship. It’s also not fair to your boyfriend.
Honestly, I think you do indeed need to end this relationship and focus on yourself. It is not fair for you to use your partner as an emotional punching bag for your unresolved issues. The term for that is abuse. How do you think his psyche will be affected by that long term?