I’ve been in this friend group for months now. We meet often and I usually have a good time with them. However, often, I feel like I have less “priority” in that friend group. I’m kind of tired of me caring about them (and being with them) more than they care about me being there.
I contemplated quitting that friend group several times, and I’m contemplating it again now because of something that happened with a few of them recently that made me feel like I’m not appreciated enough. It could very well be the case that I’m reading too much into things as I usually do. But, at this point, I’m kind of sick of this whole situation.
I think I will miss being with them and miss the activities we do together if quit that friend group, but I don’t think they will miss my existence that much at all. Also, if I do quit that friend group, I will have virtually no friends and will have to start over.
Has anyone tried quitting their friend group before? How was your experience? Do you regret doing that? Were you able to find a better friend group?
5 comments
recently going through a similar thing! it feels so much better to not be giving my time and energy to people who can’t be bothered to reciprocate. in my experience, i have two very close friends and we’ve become closer. i’m also finding that my interactions with other friends seem more meaningful as i’m talking to people who are actively engaging with me, not just using me as a placeholder until someone else comes along.
it’s tough initially to be on your own, but it’s so much better than being invested in a group of people treating you unfairly. you don’t deserve that. good luck!
I have quit friend groups several times (I’m 25). In elementary school, I was someone who would just walk up to random groups of aquaintences at recess and ask to participate in whatever they were doing. Usually everyone was very friendly and welcomed me to their group. If they didn’t, I’d shrug and go play with other friends.
In high school, I tried to make more long-term friendships. I would hang out at a table of people for a while, and if I didn’t mesh with them I just stopped coming to their table and find someone else to walk up to. Sometimes it took a few weeks or even a semester. I found a more permanent friend group on the 4th try or so, and we had a strong social circle for the remainder of high school and the first year or so of college.
In college, I made a new group of friends who liked to go to frat parties, and had a sort of immature idea of dating (I think they never had real relationships in high school, which is okay everyone has a different timeline in their life). I did not like frat parties. I observed some classmates from a distance who seemed nice and like my high school friends minus the drama. I wished I knew them better. So I started sitting next to them in class instead of my heavy-partying friends. The party friend group were disappointed that I wasn’t sitting next to them anymore but they had no ill feelings towards me. They knew I could still be approached and I still liked them, I just didn’t have much in common with them.
TL;DR, Quitting friend groups is part of life. Starting over can be a rewarding experience. Learn to look for people who are the kind of person you want to become, and surround yourself with them.
I actually never really had friend groups growing up, because I (and most people) didn’t consider me and them a good fit for each other, but those are what I’m curious about for you:
1. How many interests and aspects of you and them match?
2. Is the reason you’re thinking you’re not appreciated from many **different** things, or many **occurrences** of the same thing?
3. And most importantly, have you shared how you feel with this friend group, mentioning **only the behaviours** you noticed, and only the **pure emotions** you feel when noticing those behaviours?
Yeah I have. What I did was made new solid friends first before quitting that friend group. So it wasn’t that bad and I had people to rely on and to protect me
I wouldn’t complete cut them off just yet. I would just engage in the group less and see if they even notice or care. If they do you all could have a conversation about it, if they don’t then you’d know they are not really your friends.