I’ll try my best to keep as concise as possible
In the last week, at some point, my fiancee (of about 1 year, we’ve been together 5 overall) sent some lewd images to a mutual acquaintance that had recently joined our friend group. It was a one-time occurrence, has never happened before, wasn’t particularly salacious, and she fessed up to it a couple days ago with extreme regret. Since then we have ceased communications with the person in question which I’m fairly confident will stay that way.
At the same time, my best friend of nearly 10 years (who has grown to quite like my fiancee since they can talk about girl stuff together) is also a mutual friend of this person my fiancee sent pictures to. She knew about this going on and chose not to tell me, because of this I’ve now lost all trust in my best friend and no longer wish to speak to her whatsoever knowing she would’ve just let this happen to two people she said she cared deeply about.
I’m trying my best to forgive and forget properly. I know I’m not the greatest partner, but I just started working full-time recently for the first time in 4 years and it really hurts knowing that practically within a month of that my fiancee felt so insecure in herself and our relationship that she had to branch out to the nearest guy willing to give her attention. I’m in a slump, struggling to eat, and my mouth is stuck in a permanent grimace that’s honestly just starting to get sore and annoying!!! These latent feelings dig at me even harder when I’m away from home now because all I can do is worry I’ll be told I’m not paying enough attention or trying my best and it’ll happen again.
I’m venting but also asking for advice and other people’s perspectives, but I lost my absolute best friend and a significant amount of trust in my partner whom I love and care deeply for. I truly, honestly and unfortunately have 0 other people that I can confide everything in like I could these two. And now I can’t trust anyone fully and I feel scared and alone. I’m still trying my best to mend my relationship with my partner, but I feel insecure and afraid these feelings will start to eat at me something fierce. I also struggle with finding the time and money to pay for proper counseling, let alone /enjoy/ the process of going through several counselors until you find one that MIGHT take proper interest in your issues instead of just a paycheck. I just want to go back to two weeks ago when none of this had happened. I wish there was something I could’ve done to prevent all of it in the first place.
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TLDR: My fiancee sent some pictures to a mutual friend of my best friend and myself’s while that friend knew and kept it secret, and now I feel hurt and lost.
4 comments
She doesn’t seem as committed to the relationship as you’re trying to be. Time to sit down and have the ‘what are we’ talk. If the answer is that you’re more than just a passing bf/gf thing, then some very clear boundaries need to be set and adhered to.
Also, good job ditching the supposed best friend. That was as much of a betrayal, if not more.
Well it won’t be easy to get over, especially being 5 years deep in a relationship. At least it wasn’t a physical issue and just an emotional indiscretion. However I do hope the pictures were not something explicit. Because you never know what people will do when you send strangers pictures, you may find yourself online for the rest of your life.
Assuming the pictures are nothing too crazy. You can overcome it , it just won’t be easy. Personally I would ditch that so called friend, shes not your friend. Or she would have had your back. I would not want my fiance to keep her around either. So while you have your things to over come, is your gf willing to completely cut off the friend as well?
I don’t think you need counseling for this. I think you need to let yourself absorb it and decide how to handle it. Counselors I feel are good for extreme cases. But using them for normal life stuff is like growing up being held by the hand. You grow up a little stronger if you are allowed to make your mistakes and learn from them without someone holding your hand thru it all.
I don’t know if your gf is telling you stuff, but her actions are not your fault. They were all her choices. Don’t allow your self to be manipulated or become the victim out of fear of loss. It falls on her to make up for her indiscretion not on you. If she is somehow making you feel like it was your fault i would start thinking a bit harder if you really are with the right person.
Fear of being alone isn’t a valid reason to stay with someone that betrays your trust in only a few months of a relationship/life change.
Your peace of mind will not improve trying to rug sweep. End it and see if she is willing to do the ground work to win you back. Otherwise, starting figuring out how to live your life without using someone else as a crutch to be happy.
I hope you enjoyed the betrayals because if you stay, it’s only the beginning. Don’t buy into her bulls**t.
Go NC with your “friend”. Have you considered that your “friend” may want to blow up your relationship because she wants more from you?