I am getting married tomorrow!! Neither my partner (M24) nor I (F22) have had PIV. We’ve done a lot of exploring in other ways but wanted to save PIV for the wedding.
I have PTSD from SA and I’m a little nervous. I also feel like there’s so much I don’t know. I might be overthinking it, but the stress of the wedding is bearing down on me! I would love any advice/suggestions/etc.
30 comments
Buy some lube, stay relaxed 🙂 cherish the moment you’ll both share together.
Just keep your expectations low. I’ve read where so many people feel disappointed after having sex for the first time or having sex for the first time with their partner after being together for a long time. People tend to build-up some lofty expectations for how it will feel and go. Of course, it can be amazing, but it can also be a little bit awkward. Congrats on your marriage and have fun!!
Congrats on the wedding and marriage! I wish you both a lifetime of happiness and love.
Take it slow. No pressure for the wedding night. Experiment, love each other and do only what feels good.
Sex is wonderful when shared, and ugly when taken. You and he will share whatever you do together – which will make it magical. Take it slow, laugh and have fun.
Get ready for the greatest journey through life you two will share together.
Let the PIV just happen after a lot of fooling around together – there is no rush to get there…put it out of your mind, and all of the sudden, you’ll be ready for him to put it in you haha. The buildup is the best part, and this is the first time you can let that build up finally release. Congratulations on your marriage!
Hi OP.
Most of the time, the first time might not be the best. My wife and I started as friends with benefits and our first time was pretty lackluster. My nerves got the better of me and I was flying at half mast, also came quite quickly.
For some reason we tried again with astoundingly different results and we’ve been having great sex for the better part of 17 years.
That being said, PiV is not the *endgoal* for my wife and I every time. Intimacy, closeness, and orgasm is the endgoal. I’m a firm believer in the phrase “She cums first.” We spend a good amount of time with my head between her legs or using a toy to get her to orgasm. Sometimes she wants me in her and sometimes she returns the oral favor, it varies.
What I’m saying is that it sounds like you both have explored each other already. You know what each other likes and enjoys and hopefully you’ve given each other an orgasm. Do your thing again. Get the woman off, maybe even get the man off if his refractory period isn’t too long. Ease into PiV. It feels amazing and is incredibly intimate.
For a first time, looking into each other’s eyes in missionary position might be your speed, but don’t hesitate to switch things up and feel good. Don’t forget that sex should be fun.
My spouse and I say there are a few different types of sex.
1. Having sex. When we just want to get our rocks off. It is often quick, just getting handsy and then going to it.
2. Fucking. When we’re super into our body’s feelings. This is more about continuing to feel good. Often rougher and we typically end up in doggy style here.
3. Making love. That deep, slow, passionate sex where you are completely wrapped up in your partner. Orgasm is always a goal, but more important is just being intimate with one another.
Sometimes our sex takes on all 3 types throughout the session. Spend time just loving on each other and ease into what you both want.
Just let it happen. Take it slow. Use Contraception if required. It is ALL normal.
Congrats on getting married!
By the sounds of it you have already explored some of the better aspects of sex haha. As far as PIV goes, try to lower your expectations as much as you can. The first time is likely to be an anti-climax (without the climax) and both of you are likely to feel tense.
Enjoy doing what you have been doing and then allow PIV to happen naturally.
Have fun, explore, LAUGH. Don’t put unrealistic expectations on him or yourself.. and again just have fun.
Wedding night most people are super tired from a huge day and a huge party. Keep expectations low since you’ll likely be tired, rushed, stressed, and nervous.
Honeymoon will be great though.
Wedding night most people are super tired from a huge day and a huge party. Keep expectations low since you’ll likely be tired, rushed, stressed, and nervous.
Honeymoon will be great though.
Have sex tonight!
Don’t be afraid to laugh together through it. It’ll be awkward, noises will happen that you aren’t expecting, and just really try to focus on each other. This is a beautiful next step in your relationship. Don’t try to make it perfect, just enjoy the ride.
I believe when you are in love with some one completely, everything happens naturally.
Here is a link to a comment I made a while back. The post I was commenting on was a bit different from yours but the advice in my comment might be spot on. Share it with your partner. [https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/o83qw9/comment/h340gw0](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/o83qw9/comment/h340gw0)
Just let it flow nice and slow. If it doesn’t happen the 1st night don’t fuss about . It will happen and hopefully will be a beautiful experience.
If I could do it all over again, and was a virgin, I wouldn’t put the pressure on myself to have PIV sex wedding night. You’re going to be exhausted and possibly drunk. I have PIV daily and if I am exhausted or drunk, it’s no good. I can’t imagine my first time being on a event night when I’m that exhausted. Would have been unfulfilling and painful.
I have been married twice and both of my wedding nights involved zero intercourse, because both nights we were too drunk and exhausted. We had been prepping and planning and not getting enough sleep leading up to the event. It wasn’t our first time together, so neither husband really cared that we didn’t have PIV on our wedding nights. But now that I’m 58 years old, and I’ve seen so much in life, if you were my niece, or daughter, I would recommend don’t put so much pressure on yourself on your wedding night.
You have the rest of your life. PIV will be so much better, if you are well rested and not tired. Even getting a good nights sleep, and waiting till the next morning might have a better outcome for you.
I hope I’m wrong. I hope you get nailed on your wedding night and have the best time. But if I’m right and y’all are like me and my wedding nights, you’re gonna be exhausted. And putting pressure on yourself will make it worse.
My one tip for your first and all PIV, use lube. Just because you’re young and make a lot of lubrication doesn’t mean you don’t need it. I wasn’t a virgin when I got married the first time but he was large. I needed KY jelly.
And you have sex frequently on your honeymoon. Make sure you pee afterward each time. Use lube to keep the friction and irritation down. The results can be bad if you don’t. Because you can develop something commonly known as “honeymoon cystitis”. I did. Here’s info: https://www.femhealthproject.com/article/Honeymoon-Cystitis
Without KY jelly, I would not have made it a week of 4x+ daily sex in Cozumel. It was painful even with KY, and I still develop time and cystitis. I would’ve developed it within the first two days had I not had lubrication. And I didn’t know about peeing afterward back then, young, and dumb. Just 19 years old. My current husband is a full average size, so much more comfortable and not painful. We have need for lube, but it sure makes the glide more fun. We can go much longer and try various weird angles positions without getting sore from friction irritation.
And something I didn’t discover until this past month, if your fiancé is down for it, have him get a Brazilian wax a week before the wedding/honeymoon. The smooth shaft and base/balls/perineum makes for outstanding sex. I’ve been getting Brazilians for 12 years, but I was the only hairless one. My husband finally got his first Brazilian wax two weeks ago. The sex has been outstanding, the sensitivity has increased because there’s no hair to get in the way. We didn’t know it could feel this good when both are smooth. He said he would have gotten waxed before had he known. He’s been manscaping and shaving short, but never completely smooth like this.
His first Brazilian was painful, I had to give him a CBD and oatmeal bath and use hydrocortisone to reduce inflammation. He is super hairy, someone less hairy wouldn’t have this experience. But each wax will be less painful. He said the sex has been so intense and good that it’s worth the pain. And he’s not exactly one to like or endure pain, it’s not his kink, but he said it’s worth the pain for the intense feelings/sensations from being completely smooth. In fact, he’s got another wax appt scheduled in three weeks.
Know that you are going to take longer than him to feel aroused. He should consider [going down on you](https://tpi02.wordpress.com/2022/09/29/cunnilingus/), fingering you, kissing and fondling your breasts, making out… [anything to make you feel extra extra turned on, extra horny,](https://tpi02.wordpress.com/2022/09/29/foreplay/) will make sex SO much more pleasurable for you and it will mean you won’t experience any pain at all.
My last favorite option you could try is Orgasm: The more aroused you are the better it will feel, [if you have had an amazing orgasm](https://tpi02.wordpress.com/2022/09/29/female-101/) with lots of rubbing, sucking, and stroking on your clit and some beautiful g-spot stimulation you will find he just slips in and it feels amazing.
Since you mention an experience with SA… have a safe word or other agreed upon way to tap out, take a break, have space or cuddle, make tea. You’ll have each other to hold the next night, and the next morning. If the first time you just feel safe and enjoy shared nakedness and intimacy, you’re still growing in a meaningful sex life.
What happens when you get married and after that you both discover you are not a “match” in sex.
Your first time will probably be quick as hell, and then each time after that will get better and better. Just focus on having fun and learning about what works.
Wow so many good advice!! What can I add to the conversation???
Think add humor and playful energy lead up to and after the first joining of your privates.
Some examples
1. Work together and list all the slang and funny phrase for PIV… find one that you like the best as a couple
2. Together days before joke around about the big day… bunch of times . This way bring down the stress and make see like not as big day
3. List what time in the past was more awkward then have PIV sex for the first time
Hope my example give you an idea what trying to get to.
Humor and open talks can only can make it better.
So tell your husband when we let his wild horses ride free in you fields … may walk and not run.. lol
Try the marathon runner in reverse position.
I’m gonna give advice that goes down a bit of a different thread from most of the other advice here. That advice is great, so this is adding to it.
Don’t ignore the sexual exploration you’ve already done just because you are adding PIV into the mix. Make sure there is still manual stimulation, oral (going both ways!), kissing, and anything else you’ve done. While PIV is great in addition to all of those things, it kinda sucks if that’s all you do (especially for you if you aren’t lucky and aren’t one of the rare women who can orgasm from penetration alone). I’ve had some incredible sexual experiences without PIV penetration. Focus on what feels good for both of you and be cautious about making PIV the focal point of sex. Think of it as another tool that you have access to instead of some do-it-all solution
Bring lube to help with penetration. Body is often willing but only so many fluids to keep it going. So lube is a must for a first time.
it will slightly hurt, not saying this too scare you but its just advice i mean my first time it hurt especially in doggy but that could just be me also dont have your expectations too high but im pretty sure some other people have said that too
Hi there. Please consider having a safety word in case you start to freeze up or feel like you should stop having sex bc your brain is triggered. Or maybe have a conversation before hand being like ” hey i hope/this will probably be fine, but due to my history I want to be extra careful. Can you check in with me? If i freeze up, please pause and stop for a minute” . I hope this doesn’t happen, but just in case!
Have fun and congratulations 🎉
Have wipes and tissue ready next to the bed. It can be surprising how “messy” it is.
Some practical advice:
* Download some solfeggio frequency 417 for aftercare.
* Make sure you have lube
* Commit to going over some adult sex education such as OMGYes or Beducated on or after the honeymoon.
* Listen to the Ear Biscuits Sextember podcasts, which are about how two men who saved themselves until marriage lost their virginity to their equal virginal wives in their early 20s, and what followed on from that.
Don’t be afraid of stuff like sitting on his face before it happens. You’re going to be married and have this one partner for life. Let the sexual being that you are out.
Let your now husband know that you have waited and he won’t find a starfish in you. Be passionate and touch him everywhere. If you’re not yet comfortable with dirty talk than say things like ‘please’ and ‘how does this feel’.
Make sure you are ready and turned on, and not under the wedding stress.
Play some sexy ass music
Find his movements and match with yours.
I hope that you picked up a book before now. There are books written for Christians who abstained from sex before marriage. Assuming no books, or meaningful mentoring, just be in the moment. Do what you think is best. Do not rush, and practice, practice, practice.