I’ll try to explain this as best as I can. My boyfriend is a great guy. I consider myself very lucky to be with him. He treats me very well.
My boyfriend is also very attractive. Like, women will swoon for him all the time levels of attractive. Sometimes right in front of me too which can be annoying. But he’s never paid them any mind or given me any reason to think he would cheat on me.
Last night, we went to a club together. We danced together for a bit but then I left to use the bathroom. When I was walking back to him, I saw a woman trying to dance and grind on him. I could see he wasn’t interested and he made that clear by trying to push her off of him and walking away from her but she was persistent and kept on trying to press herself against him. Even when I got to him and I made it clear that he and I were together, she still tried to get with him but left when nothing came about it.
I did notice after she left my boyfriend was very hard. He asked me if we could leave, so I said yes and we left. As soon as we got home he took me to the bedroom and we had sex.
Other similar situations have happened before at other places but that was just the most recent one. And the sex is also way more intense than usual when this happens.
I guess it bothers me that other women do in fact turn him on, even though he has given me every reason to believe he doesn’t want them and will not cheat. And I understand that if he wants to have sex then naturally he will come to me for it. But it just feels so weird to think that the only reason we are having sex in that moment is because another woman made him horny enough to need it. And his level of horniness is turned way up compared to when it’s me who turns him on.
I know a lot of people will say to talk to him about it. And we have. He says he’s sorry about it and doesn’t intend to make me feel bad or that he wants to be with someone else. But he just naturally gets horny when a woman is all over him. He feels very guilty about it and that’s why he shuts it down ASAP.
I’m not sure if this is just something I need to get over but it really does bother me.
11 comments
It’s ok to find other people attractive. Acting on it, and cheating is not.
You cannot expect him to not find any other person attractive.
Never will I ever understand a committed couple going to clubs. I’m a self-admitted pretty jealous woman, and a random horny woman trying to dance with my husband if I went off to pee is going to get a seriously pissed off mama bear upon my return.
He also needs the constitution to tell that woman “my lady is peeing, sorry.”
As a guy i will tell you that we can get hard from about anything, but it doesn’t mean shit… your boyfriend seems like a loyal guy cause a real horndog would just go to town the minute he gets hard. it isn’t really that deep.
I heard once, “It doesn’t matter where you get your appetite as long as you eat at home.” 🤷♀️
Seems like he is biologically turned on by them, which is not really within his control. As long as he doesn’t foster a psychological bond with them, it should be fine.
The fact that he shuts it down as soon as he can shows that he has every intention to flee the temptation. You got a good one there!
Seems like his arousal trigger and erectile functionality is perfectly normal, he is very loyal and a sounds like a real catch. I think you are way overthinking this. If you want to lose him, keep overcomplicating small things like this. Thats like seeing your boyfriend get turned on by a tv show and then getting jealous when it leads to sex. If I was him and you made me feel bad for this I’d probably be assessing the future of the relationship.
I usually lurk, but I didn’t see this mentioned and thought it was important to bring up.
Don’t discount the confidence boost that an experience like that could have given him. It could be that he isn’t turned on by other people at all – but feeling desired boosted his confidence and increased his sex drive.
I’ve had similar experiences where a confidence boost has resulted in a huge libido increase.
As a woman, I can say that a dude trying it with me and making it clear he finds me attractive can be an ego boost – and once I’ve told them to take a hike, I can be randy as hell for my guy. Its a confidence booster and my man benefits from it, which is exactly how it should be. Channel the energy into the relationship. He may have just been feeling himself in that moment – and you got to enjoy that shot of self confidence.
So your reading of the situation makes sense and it could absolutely be that – him being turned on by these women and using that arousal during sex with you. Which is really not a bad thing.
BUT, hear me out – it could also be that he’s just turned on by being desired, not by those specific women. And it MIGHT be that he gets turned on by rejecting those other women *and having you see and know it*.
Men are complicated. We can be complete whores, but under the right circumstances we can also channel all our desire to one person.
Get over it! Maybe you can 3 way with him. Could be fun.
Seems like you are a very lucky lady!!!