I love my boyfriend but I don’t know if I should breakup with him. We’ve been dating for 1.5 years and half of it has been long distance.
I feel like I constantly try and show him how much I care about him. I do little things that I hope brighten up his day despite the distance but honestly I don’t feel like I’m getting anything back.
If we were in the same place I could potentially see him being the one based off of how our relationship is when we’re together.
So I’m scared of losing someone who I believe is really amazing but at the same time I feel like I deserve more love and affection than what I’m currently getting.
I don’t want to tell him that I wish he’d show me more affection because I think if it was genuine it would come naturally but I’m also scared of breaking up because it’s hard to find someone like him.
Any advice is greatly appreciated.
6 comments
Honestly, long distance basically never works. Relationships (usually) require intimacy and physical closeness, and regardless of modern technology, there are no iCuddles.
The only time this stuff can really work is if it’s for a defined period of time and you both know you’ll be back together in 6 months, a year, etc. If it’s indefinite then yeah, it’s highly unlikely to work out, and you just end up as frustrated pen pals.
If you haven’t told him how you feel, he can’t work on it. People have different expectations and needs. To you it feels obvious that you are putting in a bunch of effort and he should be reciprocating more than he does, but his perspective could be completely different. If this is a person you want to make a lasting relationship with, or if that’s something you want in life in general, you will have to have conversations like this. If you discuss it and nothing changes, then you can split up knowing you gave it your best effort.
Idk, I think you should tell him how you feel. I understand that you feel it should come naturally, and I agree to a point, but sometimes people don’t know.
Omgg just communicate he can’t read your mind. Not everyone thinks the same. He probably had no idea you feel this way and he can’t work on being better if he doesn’t know he’s doin something wrong. Other things come natural to him that don’t come natural to you and vice versa. Everyone has a different way they show love.
Be mature. Relationships don’t work on mind reading. They work with communication. Period.
Please. You are young l suspect. Any woman over 29 will tell you. Actions speak. They say a lot. If you want something you go for it. Always associate the amount of effort one puts into getting something to how much you want something. Don’t do all the chasing
Okay, so, in my experience, men almost never know how to show their affection in ways other than what society tells them (ie saying they love you, taking you on dates, buying gifts), and this doesn’t translate well to long distance. You have to talk to him about it, because it’s making you feel unappreciated and unloved. He probably doesn’t know that, and will change his actions accordingly once you tell him. He likely doesn’t want to hurt you, and in fact probably wants you too feel loved, but doesn’t know how to show it.
I too was in a long distance relationship for a while before my boyfriend moved in, and it wasn’t as hard as people pretend it is. Yes I visited him and he visited me fairly often (1-2 times a month), but things like calling a few times a week, FaceTime date nights, and sending each other memes all day long allowed us to feel like we were close. Long distance requires more communication verbally because you aren’t there to read nonverbal cues. There’s no cuddles to tell you he loves you. You need to tell him that you need more from him, whether that’s a good morning text or a tiktok in the afternoon. Because those are the things that tell you that you’re on his mind, and if he’s not doing those things, then he should know you need that. But breaking up with him isn’t going to solve anything, to him it’ll just be out of left field, and he won’t have a chance to act differently.