Hi all,
I’m really looking for advice on what to do or if anyone has been in a similar situation and if it escalated?
TL;DR So a bit of a back story, me (24F) and my partner (24M) have been together about 6 years, we are engaged and have a daughter who is 3. I’m currently living in his house, we both pay all bills and actually have a good relationship (so I thought). We have a good sex life also for context. I would say last year we were on holiday and I seen a text pop up on his phone from his email saying that he matched with a woman. Of course I had to look at what it was, and it was a dating site. I seen he text multiple women while I thought our relationship was good. Then there was a lot more on his email, texting escorts asking them when they’re available. I confronted him over it and he knew he was in the wrong, I was so hurt and he knew it. He swore on everything he wouldn’t do it again and he was going to get help. I trusted him until the other day, our daughter was watching a video on his phone when again, the same thing popped up from a notification from his email, and of course it was the exact same thing. What I seen was disgusting, back and forth pictures of women/men/trans women. He was texting them while in work also, sending them photos of himself asking to meet up after work (he told me he would be at the gym). People saying to not wear a condom etc. I’m very scared for my health also. I’m so hurt and I don’t know what to think. I confronted him and yet he’s saying he never met up with them, acting as if I’m in the wrong for wanting to get a std test. He knows he’s in the wrong but he hasn’t even explained himself again. I just don’t know what to do anymore.
Thanks in advance. I would just love if anyone has any advice because I haven’t talked to anyone about it except him. I can’t keep forgiving him for him to do it again and again. He told me he’s done it numerous of times but he’s happy in the relationship and he loves me etc. but idk to me it seems like he’s not satisfied and he’s putting this first before our family. I just don’t know what to think anymore.
2 comments
As cliche as it is, if anybody else told you their partner cheated on them multiple times, potentially without protection, and continued to do it even after given another chance, what would you tell them? Would you encourage them to stay, or to leave?
Now obviously you have the option to go to couple’s counseling, but the way you’ve explained it, it seems like he’s not invested in your or your relationship’s health above his own desires – of course he’d feel content in a relationship where he gets away with going something this vile and still have a home and family.
In your shoes, I would look into the most plausible ways to leave.
If he loved you truly, he wouldn’t talk to escorts. You’re baby trapped. If your partner loves you, they will not hurt you.
Take screenshots, talk to an attorney. Move out. Figure out custody and child support.
Why are you crying over someone pathetic enough to not appreciate his family.
Soon your daughter will start understanding things around her. She will accept this as normal behaviour and put up with crappy guys down the line just because her mom showed her that it’s acceptable to be treated without respect. If not for yourself, leave for your daughter.