I (32F)had a miscarriage the beginning of February. I suspected I was pregnant but didn’t know for sure. This is my first marriage and his (39M) third, and I have no children. When I started actively miscarrying on Friday, he tried to dismiss it, saying that it was my body detoxing. However, by Monday the bleeding wouldn’t stop and be agreed I should go to the emergency room. We were there for several hours, at one point he wanted to leave because the doctor was taking to long. The past two months we’ve been fighting nonstop, he’s been accusing me of the craziest stuff and just being mean. We also haven’t had sex since I haven’t stopped bleeding. I went to the doctor last week (which also was a fight because I didn’t wake him up to go with me. He was awake and in bed scrolling through IG, and didn’t come into the bathroom while I was in the shower) because I was still bleeding. They told me that I was still showing as pregnant and would have to undergo a D&C. Yesterday, he took me to the appointment, and drove me home after. I was so out of it that I slept most of the day. I remember he asked me to order food and got annoyed with me because I ordered from the wrong place.

Today I’m still not feeling the greatest and trying to take it easy. he was napping next to me and shortly after I get up I see him whip out his erect penis and then he asks me for head. I was taken aback because I literally had just had this pretty traumatizing procedure less than 24hours ago. That was basically my response, like babe it hasn’t even been 24hours. He tells me I could have just said no. And then his whole attitude changes. So I go into the bedroom and fall asleep. He comes in at one point pulled the pillows off of me, yelling at me about batteries, telling me I bought batteries where are they. I haven’t bought batteries. He’s slamming the door. I tell him to stop being mean to m or I’m going to leave (go to my parents house) and he turns around and yells at me well leave then. So I walk out. I’ve been sitting in the car now before an hour and nothing from him.

am I wrong for being upset at him for asking for head, a day after my procedure?

39 comments

  2. Leave. Go to your parents and don’t look back. Do NOT have a baby with this person.

  3. First I want to start by saying that I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this horrible experience. As a husband who’s wife has had 3 miscarriages and has gone through the exact same thing you’ve experienced, no you are not wrong AT ALL, you have every right to be upset and in your position I would not blame you for leaving, I wouldn’t blame you at all if you called it quits after something like that level of disrespect and uncaring for your condition and health.

  4. Ohmyfuckinggod.

    Go to your parents. Find an exit. Take it.

    Much love to you during your physical and emotional pain. I have never miscarried, so I don’t know the extent of feelings associated with one, but I can only imagine how difficult it is. ❤

  5. He’s a POS. He doesn’t give a shit about you and is actively abusing you. Get out NOW.

    I’m very sorry for the loss of your wanted pregnancy. 😢 I hope someday soon you will have a child by someone who cares deeply for you and treats you like a human being. ❤️

  6. Not surprising this is his third marriage.

    What an absolute POS.

    As someone who has experienced miscarriages and that procedure, it is not at all an easy thing to go through and his behaviour is just completely sociopathic and out of bounds in everyday.

    Isn’t this the person who’s supposed to be by your side better or for worse? Through sickness and health? So far doesn’t sound like he’s done either

  8. Omg leave I am almost crying reading this. I knew people who had D & C. I am sorry. He is horrible go to your parents and heal.

  9. I am sorry for your loss. I am also sorry your husband is a jerk. Go to your get the support and warm,loving hugs from them. Hope you find healing.

  10. He doesn’t care about you. He didn’t care about your baby.

    There’s a reason he’s been divorced twice before.

  11. You deserve to be treated better, certainly. A miscarriage is hard on the would-be father too. He shouldn’t be taking it out on you, but he’s also hurting. That doesn’t excuse his behavior, but maybe it will help understanding it.

  14. I am so sorry. I miscarried twice with a guy just like that. Never got better, only got worse. (Let me add that there were blips of happiness that made me feel like he loved me. But these times were really just a drop in the bucket, our relationship lasted 10 years). He made me feel like that’s the treatment I deserved and I just couldn’t see how clouded my perception was. Eventually we did have children and he treated them like they didn’t matter either so I left. Looking back, my eyes are wide open now and I can say without a doubt that this guy you’re with sucks and he should just fuck off. You don’t deserve this.
    I would have been happier alone than with THAT guy, but I did find someone else and he treats me like a prize. He tells me every day that he appreciates me, asks me what I need before he leaves the room etc.. it’s so different and even after 8 years, I don’t have to wonder if he loves me, if he would take care of me, take care of our kids etc. We have a child together also and the pregnancy was kinda hard sometimes, I was on my feet a lot and had SPD. My husband was always trying to help me be more comfortable even though I don’t like to ask for help. My water broke early and I delivered our daughter at 30 weeks. Through juggling school with my other 2, MOVING during this time, my hospital stay, our baby in NICU, he was still loving and affectionate. We went through this tough experience together and I just could not be more thankful than to have a like-minded, like-hearted person by my side. When shit really hits the fan, you need to know your spouse is going to be there to help you hose it all down and not just leave you standing in it. I’m sending you all my love. What you are going through is really, really hard and you need someone to CARE for you through it.

  15. Do you really think he is on his third marriage because he is a great guy? Like seriously…. Leave he is an asshole. He has zero empathy or respect for you.

  19. And now you know why this is his third marriage.

    RUN as fast as you can. He will not change and you will be miserable if you stay.

  23. He’s a narcissist. Plain and simple.
    Narcissists hate when people around them are angry or sad , because they are energy vampires. Your pain , or any attention detracts from him and that makes him angry.

    I’m so sorry about what you’re going through, and wish you well. Take all the time you need.

  25. >This is my first marriage and his (39M) third,

    Can’t imagine why his first 2 marriages didn’t work out 🙄

  26. I am so sorry for your loss, OP. I had a D and C just yesterday so I am right there with you. There are so many emotions, not to mention pain, confusion, and just discomfort.

    The way your husband was treating you is abusive and inexcusable. You deserve to be with someone who loves you, takes care of you, and wants to comfort you during this incredibly traumatic time.

    Please take care of yourself, whatever that means. I’m so sorry he is treating you like this.

  28. There’s a reason he’s on his third marriage, and I think you just figured out why. This man is not marriage material. He only cares about himself. Do not try to have any more kids with him go stay with family and then find someone who will treat you the way you should be treated

  29. My narc wished death upon me on the operating table before I went in for a surgical abortion at 21 weeks. He made me do heavy yard work within hours of me getting home and forced me to take a seven hour drive with him to Pennsylvania whilst still bleeding and sore.

    My point is: please leave this insensitive monster. I don’t have it in me to leave anymore; I’m just waiting for the discard. You deserve so much better. Please leave, sweetie. 🥺♥️

  30. PLEASE DO NOT GET PREGNANT BY HIM AGAIN… and please stay divorce proceedings. There’s a reason he’s on his third marriage before age 40.

  31. Leave him. Go rest. You are emotionally fragile and need support. He’s a big man child who is selfish
    Please for your sake leave

  32. This is a man not ready for children. Please don’t do this to future children- they deserve better.

  33. Why are you married to someone who doesn’t like you? I would treat acquaintances I know better than this.

  34. You now know that the stories HE told you for his reasons for TWO divorces were lies.

    Two women left him.

    Two other women Nope’d the fuck out of there.

    No normal person would pull out his erect dick when their partner was in that situation.

    Why the fuck couldn’t this asshole order dinner for you??

    You aren’t overreacting. His mask finally fell off. He can play nice long wnough to get someone to the altar.

  35. Girl, run. If his behavior hasn’t convinced you yet that he’s absolute garbage idk what will. This man is definitely not fit to be a father.

  36. Girl run. Take this whole experience as a sign. I’m so sorry for your loss but you were given a gift to get out.

  37. I’m so sorry for what you are going through. Please go to your family or friends or anyone who will actually support you. This man is a complete narcissist.

  38. I have experienced two miscarriages and so i an so very sorry for your loss. I do not say this lightly, but I hope that some years from now you are married to someone who loves you the way you deserve, and you are surrounded by however many beautiful children you hope to have, and you will find peace with this loss and the knowledge that it did not tie you to this absolute AH for the rest of your life.

    Go to your parents, find someone who will support you through life’s losses and life’s joys.

  39. I’m not sure how to say this to you, since we’re just two strangers on the internet, but reading this post, I can’t think of any reason at all for you to ever come BACK to him from your parents.

    You had to beg him to take you to the ER when you were pregnant with his child and had been bleeding for DAYS. His main complaint was how long the doctor was taking. He made YOU order dinner while you were still high from your D&C, then got mad at you for making a mistake. Then, while you were grieving, unwell & fresh off the back of losing your first child, he just whips out his dick & wants you to suck it??? And then gets pissy when you point out how nuts he’s being?? And then disturbs your sleep to scream at you about batteries, and when you tell him to treat you with respect or else you’ll leave, he just screams at you to leave, then.

    Listen to him, please. Leave. Just leave, and stay gone. If that man cared about you, he wouldn’t treat you this way. I mean it.

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