I’m 16 and for the past 6 months, i have been trying to improve my social skills (with the intention of getting many friends and more closer with the current ones) by watching endless amount of YouTube videos as well as reading about many many things on google. Because i was simply a nobody and not really a memorable person generally especially in my class. And i wanted to fix that so that’s why i started this journey of me finally being able to communicate fully and become the extroverted person i was dreaming of. But the problem is that i feel like I’m still the same person but worse for example i started caring what others thought of me in a negative way and it started to impact my mental health so badly that i always think of how I could’ve done better in situations that were awkward and the things i could’ve said so like basically replaying conversations in my head. I thought mindfulness was the solution and started practicing it to try to be present and not to think of anything but i always fail. Earlier today i was with my friend from the other class waiting for my classmates that went to the convenient store and we were waiting for them on a bench so i tried to strike up a conversation trying to imply everything ive learned with my friend i was sitting on a bench with but i miserably failed and was silent until my classmates came. Even though I blame my overthinking for this, I don’t know what to do. Please help.
3 comments
I can understand how frustrating it can be to feel like you’ve been putting in effort to improve your social skills, only to feel like you’re not seeing any results. It’s important to remember that change takes time, and it’s okay to make mistakes and feel awkward in social situations. It’s a part of the learning process.
However, it sounds like you might be putting too much pressure on yourself to become this extroverted person that you’re dreaming of. It’s important to be true to yourself and not force yourself into a certain mold. You don’t have to be the life of the party to be a memorable person or have meaningful relationships.
Additionally, mindfulness can definitely be helpful in managing overthinking and anxiety, but it’s not a quick fix. It takes practice and patience. Don’t beat yourself up if you find yourself struggling to stay present in the moment. Keep practicing and try to be kind to yourself.
As for the conversation with your friend on the bench, it’s okay if it didn’t go as planned. Sometimes conversations just don’t flow naturally, and that’s okay. Instead of dwelling on what you could’ve done better, try to reflect on what you can learn from the experience. Maybe next time, you can try a different approach or topic.
In terms of advice, I would suggest continuing to work on your social skills, but try to approach it in a more relaxed and authentic way. Focus on building genuine connections with people rather than trying to impress them. And remember, it’s okay to take breaks and have alone time to recharge.
What are some of your interests or passions? Finding like-minded people who share your interests can be a great way to build meaningful relationships.
Nothing better than real life experience. Watch all the videos you want but if you get too nervous in person it’s gonna fly out the window. Go outside n lay down some spoken language onto all the pipsqueaks outside
You are putting so much pressure on yourself. Change is gradual and it can be painful, but you’re still growing. Try to look at it like exercising. Most people start out just not really liking it and it’s difficult and they can’t see any changes. Then, gradually they start to notice little things. Lifting something is easier. Things that tired them out before feel manageable. It isn’t until they’ve been exercising regularly for months that they start to notice their outward appearance is changing. The big changes can take years. The hardest part is that first bit when they’re not seeing any results and they just have to trust that if they keep eating right and hitting the gym, it’s going to do something.
In the same spirit, be patient with yourself. Even though it is difficult and feels like nothing is different, you’re growing.
My other thought is that YouTube is often not a great place to learn certain things. With the exercise analogy, poor technique can lead to injury or poor results. There are so many people out there trying to say “oh THIS is how you should do everything” or “I have the solution to all your problems” and a lot of them are grifters. If their advice is actually making your life more difficult and stressful, maybe consider whether the people giving advice are actually trustworthy and competent. You could try finding some books at the library or working with a therapist if that’s available to you to get away from the morass of people on YouTube.