Sooo I met this really sweet guy last month and we clicked so quickly, it felt so natural as if we knew each other already, we were so comfortable together but because I’ve had bad experiences with guys in the past and been taken advantage of before, naturally I have been extra careful, I started noticing that even though we were spending lots of time together, he wasn’t asking much about me, he did care about how I was feeling and was super nice if I told him I was sad he’d hold me, if I express to him what I need he was always helpful. But if I don’t say anything. He doesn’t ask much. He does make time to see me, asked me to be his gf after 1week! I said I wanted to keep getting to know each other. Cause I know he doesn’t know much about me, he just knows that he feels good around me and in my opinion I don’t think that should be enough. Maybe it’s just not the way I imagine things to go and it wasn’t making me feel comfortable like that.
I want my person to be someone who’s gonna be curious about me. (We dated for 3 weeks) I gave it time but eventually I ended things with him and I expressed that to him. But since I was feeling triggered because of my bad experience in the past, I didn’t express myself in the best way and probably made him feel bad too.
Side note:
At some point when we were together I lost my keys.
so days later after we’ve already said goodbye to each other (angrily).
He found my keys! And texted me. As he was bringing the keys I decided to apologize to him for making him feel bad and I told him “I think you’re a good person and I don’t think you had bad intentions for me, I think you were just feeling comfortable.. “ he said “yes and that’s a good thing about you! But I shouldn’t have been comfortable that was a mistake.. I should have had more conversations with you.. and now … I feel like having conversations with you! “
I was like 😳 reallly!! 😄
I was like “ ok maybe we can talk about this more later then ?” He said yes!
He was on his way to work and was just giving me the keys so I didn’t want to keep him.
We just left it at that..
I’m thinking if I give this another shot then I need to know that it’s not just going to be a date or two where he shows me interest/curiosity then goes back to being too comfortable.
I just don’t want to get hurt.
I believe everyone functions in a different way so I don’t want to change him, I want it to be a natural thing that comes from him. I know that there are guys out there who would be curious about me and ask me questions which would make me feel a deeper connection.
So I’m not sure if I should give this a shot or if I’d just be wasting my time.
9 comments
Maybe he takes longer to warm up to people than others? I would probably give him another chance but not put pressure on the subject and see if he does make an effort. If you don’t notice a difference within a week or 2 then you know that he is the way he is and that warming up is not the issue.
Got to be vulnerable and take risk to find what you want. You are old enough to know that. No one wants to get hurt. Everyone in a happy relationship today was vulnerable yesterday.
Wow, this is almost my situation exactly. We officially became gf-bf after just a few weeks, although he asked much earlier (fast, I know). While he seems really caring and compassionate and we get along really well, he doesn’t seem curious about me. He’s actually already told me he loved me but he never asks any questions! I’m generally a very inquisitive person, so I’ve led a lot of the conversations and found out a lot about him, but I want him to want to do the same. I’ve decided to just give it time and see how things go, while considering that maybe it’ll encourage me to just talk about myself a little more without being prompted to do so (which would actually be a good thing for me). I guess I don’t have any advice, but know that you’re not alone! I hope this second round works out better if you’ve established how you’re feeling about the conversations. Or, I hope you realize (like maybe I will) that you deserve someone who’s genuinely curious and wants to really get to know you. Best of luck and please update us!
It’s one of those things. No one wants to get hurt, but if you never take the risk you’ll never reap the reward of a possibly great relationship
I definitely think you should give him another shot. It takes time to warm up to people and he might have the same fears as you. Be open and honest with him in what you want and what you felt was missing before and see if he can give you that. If he can’t then you know and you gave it your best shot.
***he wasn’t asking much about me, he did care about how I was feeling and was super nice if I told him I was sad he’d hold me, if I express to him what I need he was always helpful. But if I don’t say anything. He doesn’t ask much.***
I’m seeing someone where the dynamic is similar. We’re slowly learning about each other instead of just pouring things out. I like it. We’re taking each other at face value, and who we are in the present moment.
Follow your gut. If you think it’s worth it, give it another shot
Personally I wouldn’t go out with someone not asking questions about me or show curiosity about me. I tried it once and I won’t ever again. Usually it doesn’t change, it’s more of a character trait.
But I’m also very attracted to curiosity in general and I connect emotionally through conversations.
But if you feel like you need to explore it again and see if there’s something there, then go for it 🙂
>I need to know that it’s not just going to be a date or two where he shows me interest/curiosity then goes back to being too comfortable.
>I just don’t want to get hurt.
I wouldn’t bother based on this. If you want a guy that will keep chasing, dangling the carrots, etc he doesn’t seem like he’ll satisfy your desire to be chased.
There are lots of guys out there that will keep you emotionally stressed with a well played game that goes on for months or years, if you don’t like comfort.
Am I the only one who sees asking someone to be their girlfriend after one week, as a 🚩🥲🥴