My fiance (31m) has had a really rough past, he’s been through a lot and it’s left him with a lot of trauma and damage. As such, he’s very reliant on me (29FtM). We’ve been together almost a year.
We both have similar (in some cases the same) diagnoses, and lean on each other for support because the other of us always understands.
However I’m starting to feel like I’m at the end of my dratted Tether! One of those issues, is a sleep disorder. I frequently push myself to be up 24h or more for his benefit, or because we have responsibilities (i.e pets) that need sorting, and he’s crashed, usually despite me being up for longer.
I’m so fucking done running around after him, having plans dropped last minute and promises broken, all because he has (usually yet again) not listened to my warning about his tiredness being due to hit soon.
I feel like he doesn’t give a hoot about my health, physical or mental, like he doesn’t respect me, like he doesn’t love me and like I basically don’t fucking matter because I prioritise him constantly but he can’t seem to do the same for me.
I _know_ rationally that he can’t help when he finally crashes due to the sleeping disorder, but for goodness sake, it seems like he hasn’t even bothered to try and has just expected me to be the adult.
I’m not his parents and the entire situation is exhausting!
Thank you, if you read this. Please help?
TL;DR I (29FtM) & My fiance (31m) both have sleep disorders and other issues, but I’m tired of mine always taking a back seat and prioritising him constantly when he seems unwilling to do the same for me. Tired of broken promises. What do I do?
2 comments
Your disorders are not your fault, but you are responsible for how you manage them. I think you need to shift your responsibilities solely to yourself and stop trying to manage things for him. He might need to fail spectacularly in order to get his shit together. And if he can’t – you’re right, you aren’t his parent, and you deserve better than to be the only adult in the relationship.
>I frequently push myself to be up 24h or more for his benefit
I dunno, stop doing this for absolutely no reason and get back on a sleep schedule? I have no idea why you decided to decide this was a good idea because you don’t actually explain why this is necessary.