To start I’ve known this man since college, around 2011, college wasn’t for me and I dropped out. A few years later after off and on dating we had a child together, he was an amazing father but with in a few months of the birth of our child he left us. When I found out about this we argued for months. Him leaving forced me to drop out of beauty school, (I stayed in beauty school until I was 8 months pregnant as well as an additional 6 weeks, when I returned back I had less than one month left). When he had left he had gotten married, which I found out form Facebook. During the time that he was “married” I had spoken to his wife (not to sure of her age) and me him and her were trying to plan visits. (None of the visits actually happened because my some members of my family were being disrespectful during the phone calls). Fast forward a couple years and he came out to visit the first visit was normal. But then we he came back out for a second visit everything was going fine at first and I was giving him time to bond with his son but one had week passed and during the second week I asked him when was he going to go back home and that’s when I found out he had spent all of his money. My apartment complex started sending me letters about the visitor policy and at that point I agreed to allow him to stay. Within the first year of him living with me I would periodically ask was he divorced and every time he reassured me that he was no longer married. We’ve had two children, they are toddlers now, around 7 months after the the the birth of our daughter I went through his phone and seen messages between him and his wife where she is telling him and has been off and on for the past 5 years to file the paperwork.
He says that he want to be with me but every time I remind him that if anything serious ever happens to him or if we were to get a house together that decisions for his life will be made by his wife and that “if” he ever gets divorced the home will be partially hers. And he denies these facts.
On my end I want to leave this relationship but I don’t have the money to leave my apartment and the only way to get him to leave the apartment is for him to sign papers with the leasing office which he is not willing to do.
Also, I want to reach out to his wife and find out what we can do to be done with this.
Being in this situation makes me feel like the mistress you hear about and the man says it’s “I’m going to leave my wife for you”
TLDR the father of my children moved in with me, lied about being divorced, and now I want to reach out to his wife.
6 comments
Why on earth did you take this man back in the first place?!? He’s a leech! He has no respect for you what so ever or your children together. You need to leave this man.
What is contacting his wife going to do?
From what you have said he wants to stay married. Let him stay married. You file for child support.
Talk to your leasing office and see what they can do to help you. Tell them you would like to transfer to a different unit without him.
The stupidity 🤦♂️
> And he denies these facts.
So he is aware that you know full well he’s still married and he’s literally gaslighting you to your face? That’s pretty fucking bold and demonstrates how little respect he has for you.
> I want to reach out to his wife and find out what we can do to be done with this.
His wife wants to be done with it too! If she knew how to make him file the paperwork she already would have because she’s repeatedly texting him to do it. He’s holding back her life too, what do you expect her to say? This is all on him.
It was a mistake to get back together with this guy after he randomly left you and your child the first time around, and it would be a mistake to stay with him now. It doesn’t even matter why he refuses to file the paperwork, the only facts that matter are that he’s still married and has no intention of changing that. Your kids deserve better.
The fact you took him back is proof to the world you did everything you could to make a family for your child. Now stop. Stop trying to forcibly make it work with someone that doesn’t respect you. Promise yourself you’re going to treat yourself better. And walk away from this dumpster fire.
JFC! STOP EFFING HAVING CHILDREN!!!
In fact, stop having sex with this total and complete, lying, cheating, a-hole!
Divorce decrees are public record. I have no clue why you didn’t just do a simple search to confirm what he was ~~telling you~~ lying about.
It’s time to get a job and gain some independence. This pond scum is NEVER going to change.
Your poor kids.