I am a 19-year-old university student working a retail job which pays fine for my needs. Not much, but I can save and treat myself occasionally.
I was dating a man who took me to an all-you-can-eat restaurant, which cost me €30. I thought it was a waste of money, because I didn’t eat a lot and it was expensive.
The next man I’m planning to date, who is a student as well, wants to introduce me to his family at an all-you-can-eat. At this point I can only date once per month with these prices. I’m thinking of refusing. It’s breaking the bank. Why not a coffee, donut or a bagel? Heck, not even a beer!?
Would it be awkward to refuse going on a date with him because of these prices? We’ve kept in touch for one year, and I finally got to see him last week, but I can’t afford to get to know him better in such a expensive way.
7 comments
Red flag if they keep taking you to crappy expensive buffets for dates.
It’s ok to just say to him that you cannot afford it
You should open the conversation with them, they probably think the same and just want to impress you.
Red flag you’re paying
Just be honest. You would love to go on a date with him but you can’t afford the expensive all you can eat restaurants and would prefer to be able to go on 3-4 coffee / beer dates as opposed to 1 restaurant date with him.
I respect that you’re paying for your share but why? Maybe I’m old school but if a guy asks you to a fancy restaurant or an expensive one he should pay. That’s kind of the point isn’t it traditionally? To impress you or show you a good time?
Maybe I’m just old school in my thinking…
But seriously if you get asked out get the details and expectations. If you’re expected to split or you prefer to split the bill, just be honest and tell them that as much as you’d enjoy going there with them you can’t afford it right now and suggest going somewhere you can afford. Or let them pay if they offer. You’re under no obligation to give them anything other than your time if they pay. Anyone who expects more because they paid a lot isn’t someone you want to hitch your wagon to.
How about you suggest an alternative option?
For example guy says hey how about this activity?
You look at activity and the cost , and you decide , no let’s do another activity.
And then hopefully you two find a different event or activity that you both like and afford, or you realize that you’re both not interested enough in each other to find some common activity
For my part I can definitely say that when I wanted to go out with a girl , i bend over backwards to make sure it is something that she likes to do, and match her available schedule.