I am absolutely devastated and I can’t accept the fact that nothing will ever happen between us.
I met a guy through work and we were coworkers for about 1.5 year. I was in another relationship during the first 8 months of us working together, which eventually ended. I had suspected that after a very difficult work situation in which we really supported one another, he may have been interested in me (he came on Christmas day to work just to keep me company for a few hours, even though it was his day off and he should be with his family/ friends on a holiday). However he later found out that I was involved with someone else and probably decided to let it go.
After breaking up with the other guy, I too started developing feelings for this coworker through our everyday interaction. We got along amazingly, have a common sense of humour, share a common mindset and have matching personalities. Even though he found out I broke up and he still single, and I genuinely believe he was still attracted to me, he never made a move. He never even suggested we grab some coffee out of work. He kept our relationship at a very friendly level. I am very shy as a person and also never showed anything either, out of fear of being rejected and making thing at work complicated.
At some point a year ago, we both changed jobs , he remained in the same city while I moved away , but knew I would be back within a year. During this time apart, we kept infrequently in touch usually during holidays, birthdays by texting. I was really sad because I wasn’t seeing him anymore and he did not make any effort to contact me more frequently. I tried to move on thinking that I had lost this person and even decided to get involved with someone new. It lasted only 2 months and I still could not get my former co-worker out of my head.
I am now back in the city and right when I was considering telling him to meet up so I would finally express my true feelings for him , I found out from his sister that he has entered a relationship of about 3-4 mi this with another girl, with whom they were friendly acquaintances for year due to common circle of friends and family.
I was absolutely devastated when I found out about this and hated myself for not making a move when the time was right. I cried everyday for three weeks and was literally losing weight and not functioning properly.
After debating on this with many people, I decided that I wanted to approach him and tell him how I feel, even though he is now with someone new , because it was still early in their relationship and wanted to get it off my chest and tell him before the relationship got more serious. I showed up at his work using another excuse , we were both very happy to see each other , embraced and when he suggested that we get together along with other former co-workers, I told them that I wanted to meet just the two of us and touched his fingers in a very suggestive way (something which I had never done before and is very out if character for me).
I could tell that he has surprised by this move and did not expect it and said that we could meet after Easter (without clarifying whether it would be all of us or just the two of us). After leaving I also texted him telling him that I was very happy to see him cause i had really missed him and told him I hope to see him soon. He responded saying he was also happy to see me and that he would contact me to arrange the meeting.
It was been three weeks since then, the guy has not texted me and I am 101% sure that he has either muted my stories on Instagram (which he always watched previously) or intentionally ignores them.
I honestly think that I will never meet another person like him and that I have officially lost him, I absolutely hate myself and realize that he has made his decision to stay with this other girl (even though I’m sure he’s still attracted to me because he got quite nervous when he saw me and could see it by the way he was looking at me). Is there anything else I could do ? How badly have I messed this up ? Should I text him to tell him about my true feelings?
5 comments
Well looky there, sounds like you’ve gotten yourself into a real sticky wicket with this fella! Sounds like you were string bean, noodle leggin’ it while this guy was bustin’ a gut tryin’ to get your attention for years and you blew your chance! What a couple of nimrods.
Them shy types always finish last in this game, sister. While you were twiddling your thumbs wonderin’ “will he, won’t he”, this chump went and snagged himself some other broad. Oopsie daisy! Looks like you’re the one left holding the bag on this one, huh?
Rejection’s a bitch, ain’t it? Especially when it’s self-inflicted through your own chicken spit nerves. Now you’re left crying into your pillow every night, questioning all your life decisions that led you to this tragic moment. Boo freakin’ hoo!
Should you text him your “feelings”? Nah I wouldn’t recommend it. At this point you’ve made such a hash of things, any pathetic pleading or groveling is just gonna make you seem desperate. Have some pride and self-respect for cryin’ out loud!
This was your chance and you blew the whistle to end all whistles on this play. Time to pick up the pieces, patch up that wounded heart of yours and get back out there. There’s other fish in the sea, even if they’re uglier than this choad. You live and you learn!
The moral of the story? There are no “what ifs” in life. You want something, you reach out and you grab it with both hands before it slips through your fingers. And if it’s really meant to be, it’ll come back around. Either way, you’ll have your answer. Now get to steppin’! See ya around, don’t be a stranger!
1) leave him alone and stop sabotaging and distracting him from his relationship. It’s absolutely not fair to him or the girl. If the roles were reversed and u found out some girl is contacting ur bf cuz she missed her chance to ask him out, how livid would you be?
2) you’ll find another man. You’re only 30. Go on dating apps and watch the floodgates open. You’re fine.
You’re just sad you missed out on something, and all through lack of action. So what to do? LEARN from this and ACT on the next time this situation arises, with him OR another guy.
But seriously, stop trying to wreck his and her relationship because of your selfish desires.
Best way to tell someone that you like them is to attempt to sabotage their relationship after you missed your chance
…and by best I mean the absolute WORST way possible
What is wrong with you?
It’s too late, stop sabotaging his relationship and overthinking the situation. Please move on and think more about yourself and your integrity. You’re just 30. He is not the last man on earth. Don’t embarrass yourself even more. You guys have a lot of mutual acquaintances so keep yourself in check. Chin on, and find someone new.