Been with my husband for 20 years. I have lost so much love for him in recent years and it’s so painful. The smallest things set him off into a complete rage. We have 3 beautiful, amazing children and he’s such an asshole to them sometimes. He blames them for stupid things and gets all bent out of shape over, for instance, our preschooler spending his coins (not real money) on a mf’ing Bigfoot game on Apple TV. He works at a cushy office job doing what he loves and although it’s busy, it’s relatively low stress. When I married him he was always game to go places and do things. Now I practically have to beg. He’s never been super spontaneous or into traveling or culture, but I loved him for being a great trooper and still enjoying adventures because he was so sweet/kind/patient. He loves our kids and he’s a great dad. But wtf I don’t know if I want to live the rest of my life with someone that is stifling my energy like this. I lost both my parents a few years ago tragically, and his are not in town. I left my job when we had our 2nd kid. I have none of my own money whatsoever and not the slightest clue what I would do on my own, other than…everything and anything I want. But I care for him deeply and my children are everything. We’ve tried counseling once to no avail. When I try to calmly talk to him, he either gets so damn defensive it scares me and I walk away fearing the kids will worry; or he just sits there like a child putting up with me having a moment and doesn’t absorb what I am actually saying.
I don’t even know what the point of this post is other than I just feel like my marriage is coming to a breaking point and I can’t tell anyone. So I’m releasing it into the void. If you’re still reading, thanks? O.o
2 comments
I’m not going to comment on your marriage as people on the internet are a bit too ready to do that but for the sake of your own sanity, take a job and have some money of your own. No matter what happens with the two of you, I think it would give you a shot in the arm. Often not feeling so stuck and dependant is a great tonic. It will help you think clearer as well
i would definitely take whatever energy you have and give it back to yourself. find a job or even a hobby you’ve wanted to try, focus on self-care, and build up the energy to have serious discussion with him about your marriage and what your concerns are. i feel like it’s natural for the nature of your marriage and family life to evolve, but you should both be on the same page about how it’s evolving and nurturing your relationship along the way. but you can’t give from an empty cup! so fill yours first and hopefully things improve. good luck