I can’t make friends, I’m empty headed and don’t have anything to say, i just exist, any relationship i form i can tell the person is not interested, this person was just brave enough to say it to me.

32 comments

1. Wow the person who sent that text is a good friend. That’s so thoughtful of them and was more honest than most people will ever tell anyone. It’s unfortunate that you guys aren’t meant to be friends but that was very courteous of them to tell you that.

2. I have the same problem, I don’t know why.

3. That kind of people is what the world needs more of. Being honest and sincere is so necessary because even if it hurts, it actually shows you something that you can learn from and stop having a delusional idea about it. I’ve had a similar thing recently and I know she wasn’t being honest completely with me.

   (resume: she got into med internship and she told me that that change in his life made her re consider his priorities, so dating me wasn’t one of them, but I asked her whether she did lost interest on me or are just the present conditions of his life what was making this impossible. She replied “uh, no, is not the present conditions”. So that’s like a contradictory thing way too obvious. She just didn’t want to say to me that she wasn’t interested on me anymore, the rest, while true, is more of an excuse)

   If I were not to notice the contradiction, I would’ve just decided to wait on her to end the internship so we could resume on dating, but this would be me having a completely different perspective on things based on what she was saying. So yeah, truth while painful at times, is still better and more useful than kind lies, I would be grateful for the moment you are posting here.

4. I’d actually be pretty upset for a while if I got this text.

5. Ask a lot of questions.

   Don’t talk about yourself.

   Ask about others and give compliments.

   GL

6. Chat GPT response?

7. There’s someone from my past -someone who himself is very empty and who’s M.O. was to basically be a social parasite- who I really wish would’ve heard something like this before he came into my life. When I met them I was not capable of consenting (or rather of *not* consenting, which is what I would have done) to their presence in my life and by the time I was mentally well enough to begin the process of getting them out of my life we were nauseatingly intertwined and it caused us both a great deal of pain (and for me a lot of repulsion) to remove that person from my life. Perhaps if they’d heard something like this told to them by a friend before they met me that person would not have assumed that I wanted them in my life and would not have glommed onto me for dear life.

   I’ve given this person a lot of thought. I’ve puzzled over exactly what it was that made such a seemingly well meaning person so very very unlikable. I have thought many about times what he could have potentially done to make himself less socially repulsive and I have a few thoughts. I can tell you a few things that I think the person I’m referring to should hear, and maybe it will help or at least offer a few useful pieces of advice out of the bunch:

   Accept solitude and understand that you are not entitled to the company of others and that you should never take it for granted that people want you around. No one deserves to be enjoyed or valued by any other given/specific person and it’s not anyone else’s fault if they don’t want you around. Err on the side of leaving when you’re still wanted rather than sticking around past your welcome. Wait for people to reach for you before you reach back. If they never reach then learn to enjoy being alone.

   Be quiet. Quieter than you’ve ever been. Quieter than feels natural. So quiet that it almost feels inhuman to you. Only speak when spoken to and do so sparingly. No one needs to know your life story or anything about your likes/dislikes etc. If someone asks you about yourself answer only exactly what they asked. No elaborating, no tangents. One word answers are preferable to paragraphs for you from now on. Your opinions are absolutely off the table unless EXPRESSLY requested. If someone’s talking or asking about something you don’t know very much about simply say “I don’t know anything about that”, don’t tell them a guess or about what you *think you might* know. Your input is unnecessary unless it’s been expressly requested directly to you, and even then your response should be as brief as possible. Practice brevity. Learn to be ok with not being well known by others. Don’t accept the company of people who pity you just because it’s easy company. Assume that people are offering company out of pity unless they actively seek you out past the point of politeness (ie: being invited to a party because you’re within earshot of someone who’s planning that party isn’t a legit invite and you shouldn’t assume they want you there just because you happened to overhear it). Wait for direct, enthusiastic, and persistent invitations to socialize. Do not impose yourself on others just because you’re lonely.

   Humble yourself. You are probably not funny or interesting or captivating as you are right now, and maybe you never will be. Accept that. Accept that you might never be venerated or admired. You might be someday, of course, but probably not anytime soon because you need to develop as a person first and that takes time. Let go of needing to be recognized as a valuable or admirable. If you had those qualities up until this point in time they would have been recognized and appreciated because the bar is NOT high in terms of social appreciation so if you’re not getting any you’re not giving people anything to react positively to. When you’re constantly feeling the need to be admired other people are going to react very negatively because human being do not like it when people misjudge themselves, it makes us instinctually feel as if someone is mentally unwell and we want to get away from the crazy person. Accept that you are not extraordinary. You are not the star of the show. You are not the main character. You are not important to anyone and no one is obliged to see you as an important or remarkable person. It is not a tragedy that you are a mundane person. Being special is not a given and if you’re constantly feeling resentful over your own inherent mediocrity you’ll never get to feel comfort of being enjoyed as the mundane person you are AND you’ll never have the chance to grow into anything. Understand that you will likely never be worshiped or adored. But you might one day be appreciated for the normal person you are. You do not have to be cool or even fun to be appreciated. Let go of your jealousy towards people who are given more special treatment than you. That’s just not your role right now or for the foreseeable future. Let go of the expectation that someday you’ll be *the* person in the room. You probably won’t. That’s ok. But you won’t even be invited to sit in the room with everyone else if you don’t accept your place in it.

   Be alone with yourself until solitude is your genuine preference. If you don’t want to be alone with you then who the fuck else would want to? Listen to podcasts or music at the start if you have to. Stop looking to others for validation because obviously you’ve not got a lot going for you that they could even validate right now. Learn some skills for the purpose of enjoying them all by yourself. Do things without the expectation that your efforts will be seen as cool by other people. Imagine you are the last man earth, there is no one to potentially impress, there is no one who might think you’re cool or worth their while. It’s just you and you. What would you do then? What would you want to do or make or learn or create? Go with that.

   Best case scenario you’ll develop into a person who’s not so dull and/or socially repulsive and you’ll stop being alone. Worst case you’ll at least enjoy your solitude

8. “You can’t make friends” so far.

   There is an old saying: “There is a rider for every train.”

   There are 8 billion people left on this planet that you can still interact with, and possibly develop a friendship or two with.

9. What a consideration. She explained it all. Good for her.

   So about you. What’s the common denominator in all your issues? You.

   Figure out yourself. For example. You said you just exist.

   What does that mean?

   Also, what does it mean to do more than just exist?

10. Everyone want to be kind and want to save people… but nobody want to put the effort. i think we all are just extremely traumatised by people, i grow up in abusive household, got bullied and SAed as a kid and a teen, and generally just numb about people.

    We are no way harmful, our only fault is that we are just conditioned to keep our thoughts in, and hence, become silent and ‘boring’. How to talk with confidence if whenever we try to talk we got mocked for it?

    The person who said this probably meant well, but for someone who already barely able to breathe through harsh ocean waves, it might as well just be the final push for them to drown, if you get what i mean.

    a simple ‘Hey, you’re a nice person but I don’t think we vibe well as friends. We could talk once a while if you want to, but I don’t see us becoming more than a distance friend (whatever the word is)’ would suffice.

    Maybe im different breed, but I think this message is rude. There’s no need to tell OP they’re basically boring and that ‘I know you’re struggling but I dont want to help’. I would have just blocked this person and never acknowledge them anymore.

    We socially anxious people are so used people beating tf out of us, rude messages like this are what we call ‘thoughtful’? are you kidding me?

    nobody tell depressed or suicidal people they’re annoying and that they don’t want to help them. tossing them away like a dog begging for a leftover foods. why are we fine being treated like this?

    Do this person shit gold out of their ass? so much that they can send such gut wrenching message and we are suppose to worship them because they’re ‘thoughtful’ ??? where are our self worth??

    Edir : I thought this was social anxiety subreddit. I still stand by my opinion its a damned rude message however. A simple ‘I dont think we vibe as friends, I wish you luck’ would suffice. There’s no need for them to tell OP ‘Oh I know you are struggling and you need someone but I don’t want to help you, but I dont want to hurt your feelings thooo!’

    Every single sentence of them are contradictory its annoying to me. Its not about them dropping OP as a friend, its about how they said it. OP is not a stray dog begging for scraps.

11. I personally would have appreciated if any of my previous “friends” would have said something like that instead of ghosting me. I like honesty, at least you do not have to ruminate on why the person just disappeared from your life all of a sudden. However I am sorry this happened to you, it must have been very painful to receive a message like that. But maybe if you think through how this friendship went wrong, it could help you in making new ones in the future.

12. Welcome to life

13. it seems like i’m in the minority with this opinion, but honestly this seems so unnecessary to me. i’m all for having tough conversations and taking constructive criticism but this is just not it. this message seems rude and without tact or empathy imo.

    it’s normal to not mesh well with people, but making a big deal of completely ending a friendship seems wild to me.

    not every friendship has to be completely involved in each others lives all the time. there’s nothing wrong with having someone that you don’t speak to often but send a message to once in a while. there are tons of different types of relationships, for example some of my deepest/closest friendships are people i see like once every two months.

    i can relate to what you’re saying, i often feel like i don’t know how to have friendships and i feel like a lot of it is because of depression. putting in constant effort is hard, and i have some rejection issues so asking things of friends is hard for me.

    i hope you can get to the root of some of your struggles and find authentic reciprocal friendships.

14. thats exactly how i’ve been feeling since i hit my 20s and the weird thing i no longer try or bother to make any new friends

15. I think I know a few people who would say that to me if they were ballsy enough, at least you got some closure even though it hurts. We can’t be liked by everyone mate.. big hugs

16. Sounds like this person needs a lot of attention from their friends and doesn’t accept you for who you are. There are many people who have fulfilled lives and who don’t need constant attention and validation from their friends.

    I have many friends who I don’t speak to on a day-to-day basis, in fact I don’t speak to any of my friends that frequently. Some friends I see twice a year and we go for a coffee and a catch up and our friendship remains as strong as it was when we spent more time together. I don’t feel any kind of way if I haven’t spoken to a friend in months.

    This wasn’t the kind of person who you are meant to be friends with, just because they feel this way it doesn’t mean that everyone who you befriend will also feel like this. Same way as we need to be compatible with our romantic partners, the same applies to friends.

17. Just curious, but do you have any addictions?

18. OP you should be glad the trash took itself out; this person was a shitty ‘friend’! Imagine expecting someone to be entertaining to you in order to be there for them.

    It’s okay to not be friends with everyone but this person was rude af

19. Well, in any interaction with people you have to **give** more than you **get** – at least, it will seem that way. That is because you are acutely aware of everything that you are **giving**, but not of everything that you are **getting**. For example: years ago I had a roommate. She was much more orderly and into cleaning then I was (am). So every time she did not say anything about my dirty kitchen, she was giving (frustration), while I was taking nothing, because … well, that is how a kitchen is, ain’t it? Every time I cleaned the hallway or so I was giving, the effort of cleaning while it was all right to me, and she was not taking, because … well, that is how a hallway is, ain’t it?

    So if you think you balance the sheets: no, you don’t, you are taking.

20. Maybe there’s an underlying condition or not favorable temperament traits that has not been corrected by his social skills. OP we can work this out, I’d be grateful if you could open up and elaborate a bit more of why do you think you have that problem, and other possibilities of why people wouldn’t want to talk to you.

    There are a lot of ways for us to assess these problems an find a solution for them.

21. It hurts to read this, but it gives me hope. Every person who’s ghosted me has done exactly that. And they won’t leave a message why. At least this person had the guts to say it.

22. Wow that’s really honest.

    If you feel like your constantly disconnected, like you can’t find rapport like no one wants to be around you. Then you might really be suffering from dissociation or serious depression. It might eas your mind some if you did some research into that.

23. “I was doing a meditation”

    I get why it makes sense to be more direct instead of just ghosting, but this person sounds like they’re writing a letter to a company to tell them they’re leaving.

    It’s just weird stilted language, and at least for me, it only makes it hurt even more. It reads like “you provide nothing of value to me, which is why I’m disposing of you”.
    There are more empathic ways to go about this, they could at least tried sounding like they care and want to help. I don’t see much point in saying all that if that’s not the intention.

    Honestly, I would prefer to be ghosted than being treated in this robotic “professional” way. But that’s just me obviously, a lot of people here seem to have really liked it.

    Btw, I think it helps prove my point that op is feeling like shit, based on the title of the post. If it just makes you feel like crap and not like you could get better, then why bother?

24. This person is your wake-up call! Just reading your caption…I’m alone…I’m empty headed. You may need some counseling to assist you in finding, uncovering, inspiring your INNER WORTH. A counselor who is a professional and neutral person to get you where you could be, but only if you dare to feel you’re worth having friends, worth being missed and worth being considered as a potential friend. To reach out to anyone at all is brave, so give yourself credit for that! You give making withdrawals with negative comments about yourself, when and how are you going to fill yourself positivity for the present moments just for living. AND how are you going to fill yourself with positivity for your reserves for the times in life when we all have low/bad days. You may need medicine from a dr for a chemical imbalance, who knows. What I have come to know and understand is that, each day you live to be able to experience the beauty and wonders of life. Take time to meditate, be at peace, and know it’s okay to be alone, but joyful. Take yourself out, stop waiting for anyone to announce you. Then you can go to places where there’s a crowd just to be around people and it’s okay to talk to others and then not exchange numbers or that conversation not end up in a longtime friendship. Enjoy that moment of time, of conversation and leave it at that. This next statement is not nec for the conversation of “sex” or “having sex”, but people will go out of there way to have a one night stand and have sex with someone they don’t know, and some are okay with that. My point is, so what’s wrong with being out with yourself and meet people you don’t know and who are willing to conversate with you, and nothing further? No harm, no foul. I hope I’ve said something that you can actually use. It’s a long read, but this is for the one needs it. (Will edit later, so excuse any typos.)

25. As I don’t have a lot to go on here, I’m gonna make some assumptions. Hopefully, they don’t offend you. But I can relate to this situation. I feel like, you don’t have a lot of friends, but you still have a high level of social need that’s unfulfilled. You tried to make a friendship with this person, and you were desperate for their friendship and companionship yet simultaneously afraid you would scare them off. So you didn’t give much effort to the relationship, and when you did, you came off too strong. In my experience, when you are desperate for social needs to be met, you tend to unconsciously try to extract these needs from whoever you can. If you have one acquaintance you speak to, it will be them. Most people tend to get drained because of this. If they don’t feel a connection, they will feel like fulfilling your social needs is a chore. Even if they are the nicest person, this is something that is hard to force. The relationship has to be mutual. You give and take. This person let you know that they are giving more then they are getting and to them, the relationship is not worth any further effort because of this. I know how that feels. I am a quiet person and when I do talk, it’s usually me info dumping about personal details that’s usually tmi or random factoids about information I’ve collected throughout the years and somehow managed to bring up in conversation. Then I notice the other person lose internet as I’m talking, I get a bit deflated and I usually just stop talking. I have one friend from middle school, which was roughly 2010 for me, so we’ve been friends a while. But I don’t reach out much anymore. Probably once every few months or longer. I still consider her my best friend, but I’m not hers.

26. The real issue is your inability to make friends, why is that? Do you have any substance to your being to offer anyone? Dig deeper within yourself and figure that out before trying to make more friends and be honest with yourself. What do you want? What is your life goal? What do you like? What don’t you like? Etc.

27. I think this was a kind gesture from said texter, that they took the time to write out a message, that not only shows their intentions with you, but also their character.

    Now, what I would do with this information is do a lot of soul searching. I’d look inward to see, where I need to strengthen myself. Maybe, it’s about finding a hobby you’re passionate about, then making friends around that passion. Or try something new, see if it feels right, and make friends with like minded individuals.

    We all have work to do on ourselves in one way or another, so this isn’t a jab towards you. But sometimes we have stuff we need to sift through, in order to be at peace with ourselves and others. And from there can we give those relationships or friendships all that we can, so it’s appreciated. The best way to do that, is to do more discovering of ourselves, and that’ll eventually connect us more towards our path in life ❤️

    My DM’s are always open, if you need someone to talk with, shoot the shit with and talk about whatever, or vent. I hope this message finds you well, OP!

28. “I don’t mean to hurt your feelings.” That’s rich. You don’t want any part of this arsehole.

29. This is a healthy way to end a relationship. Sorry to see that you lost a friend though.

30. This level of honesty is overkill imo. This has a bit of a “toxic wellness” / opportunistic vibe to it. She’s obviously not obligated to be your friend but it’s not necessary to share with you every detail of how she’s come to this conclusion and in doing so its kind of a complete disregard for your feelings especially at a time when you are struggling. Go do something that brings you joy OP. Some people are up too up their own ass.

31. I would rather be ghosted lol

32. Holy shit they could have simply said they didn’t think their friendship was working out and to wish them the best, they didn’t have to do this massive deep dive into exactly how OP fails to measure up to their standards of friendship in their eyes, this seems massively cruel